Did you also have a difficult childhood in the LC?

[ISeeCrazyPeople]

Wow, I really appreciate all of the new comments on here. I read some of them earlier than this, but have not had a chance to reply until now. Even now, I wish I would have the time to read and respond more thoroughly, but I’ve been even more rushed than usual lately.
Trapped,
Thank you for all of your thoughtful words. They do really hit home for me. To this day, I do not feel close with my parents. I wish I could be comfortable with them and share feelings.. or discuss anything beyond small talk. It’s not something I can just change. They have changed a little bit over time but not much. I think for me to become comfortable with them, they would have to express some regret for raising us in the church and I guess just for the way they raised us in general.
I see another poster (aron), who advised forgiveness. I suppose I have forgiven them in a way. But it doesn’t really change our relationship much. I still feel very uncomfortable around them. I spent my childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood feeling scared and controlled by them. I can’t just flip a switch and change that. I have tried to be upfront with them before, but somehow it always backfires on me. My current approach is to not bring up anything confrontational around them.
But yes, even though I say I’m agnostic, Trapped, I see your point about how this could influence my relationship with God. I do think I need to see a therapist. And I also really appreciate the books you and another poster (Curious) have suggested.
Curious, I will address you in this post as well since I’m crunched for time. Thank you for your post. I feel validated when people understand what I’m going through, which is really nice. It is kind of funny in a way… If I want my children to be safe I really can hardly have a break for “me time” these days. Some of this is due to the pandemic. It’s also their age. But I like your advice about just reading a little bit each day.

Also, Trapped,
This part you mentioned especially rang true for me:
“As kids we play but get agitated if mom leaves the room. On the playground we wander away but look back to make sure mom is still watching us and smiling. As we grow we become more and more independent from our parents, but it’s within the framework of knowing we are safe in their hands. But when our parents are authoritarian, strict, restricting, condemning, then what is supposed to be our source of safety also becomes a source of fear and feeling unsettled. And as children, we have no one else to turn to in order to get away from that fear. So we grow up in a way we aren’t supposed to – having to turn towards the person who also wounds us, and having to trust the person who we don’t feel safe with in the way we are supposed to.”
Wow. This is exactly how I felt and pretty much still feel. I have tried counseling in the past, but not necessarily for these issues. I also didn’t get much help from it, but I’m not opposed to trying it again. Maybe I just need to find the right counselor, like you say.
This is all I have time for. Thanks again guys!