Did you also have a difficult childhood in the LC?

Originally Posted by ISeeCrazyPeople

Hi everyone. I am looking forward to sharing my experiences of the LC with you and hopefully receiving some feedback. I am glad to finally (after many years) have a way to get some of this off of my chest and possibly find others who can relate to me. I am going to avoid talking about much that is spiritual and focus on what my life was like growing up in the LC.

I definitely share a lot of these feelings with you. My parents started meeting with the LC when I was 12 years old (I'm 31 now) and to be perfectly honest, although I stopped meeting about 5 years ago, it wasn't until this year that I sat down to evaluate what went on in the LC and how it has affected me.

I grew up in a I met my dear husband in the LC as high schoolers but started a friendship with him in the college christian at campus group from the LC. The elders and my parents did not want us together and throughout our college years and after, they essentially made us break up a lot of times because "we had to wait". I did form wonderful friendships with some young people of my age growing up that I maintain to this day (most of us are not meeting anymore though), but mostly I just remember so much suffering and pain growing up. I never felt like I was pleasing the Lord enough or my parents and either way my parents went along with whatever the fellowship told them and they are deep deep into LC.

Some of my notes growing up in the LC:

Dating - dating was essentially not allowed and frowned upon until after college (especially if it was church kids, they held us to a higher expectation than a new couple from college for example). Rumors and gossip around young couples was horrible and everyone acted as police to the young sister's parents or elders. I can't tell you how many times my parents told me: the sisters/brothers called and said X (my now husband) was there.

Fellowship - nothing could ever be done without "having fellowship" with the elders. I remember being told to have fellowship about which third language I should study ( I wanted Italian, elders said Portuguese would probably serve the Lord's move better) Changing degrees, buying a car, going to a conference, everything had (should) be fellowshipped.

On that topic - they instill in you that "there is nothing in the dark that wont come to light" so much that I believe it's a way to get information out from you. For example, my husband and I, being young, in love and controlled, had intercourse while still dating in college. We felt so horrible about it and abot going against what we were taught that we foolishly told one of the elders to ask for "help". What ended up happening was that the elder told a) the other elders and responsible ones b) my parents. Needless to say my parents almost threw me out of the house ( they actually did and sent me to the elders house for a week ) and my husband and I were both told that we could not meet with the LC for some time as we were in sin.

My parents are not elders nor responsible ones but they are very close personally to the LC elders in our locality, give a LOT of money and also provide properties for full-timers. So while I was "excommunicated" they did allow me to show up here and there without kicking me out. My husband is another story, his family is not in the LC so after so many years of meeting with us, he had been basically separated from his family and spent literally all his time with the saints. When we got "excommunicated" he got the worse part of it. Brothers that had opened his home to him daily stood in their door and told him he could not come in as he would "contaminate" his children with his sin. He was monitored around other localities as well if he tried to show up for a meeting and he would be thrown out.

Fellowship is just an excuse to learn everything from you, gain leverage to control you, and tell you what to do. We got betrayed in the name of fellowship and if we had followed fellowship we wouldnt be married today.

I have a lot of stories and experiences that would take forever to write down. I'll post as I see threads of interest.

[ISeeCrazyPeople]

Hello Unregistered Guest!
Thank you for sharing. We are similar ages (I’m 34), and I as well didn’t start thinking about this too much until more recently. I think I knew for years that it had a negative impact on my life, but I really started thinking further when I decided to research the church a bit, and saw a TON of information online about it’s past and being called a cult and what not.
I’m glad you shared about your relationship issues, because that was also a major issue for me (though in a different way). I know that my parents sometimes said “dating leads to divorce” and the church always said we need to be equally yolked.. or something like that. Implying we needed to marry within the church. I can definitely see them acting like the police, like you said.
The thing about having to fellowship, wasn’t really a thing for me so much. Maybe because I was from a really small church. But I don’t think anybody cared about me enough to make me fellowship. But, that is verging on quite controlling it sounds like. I was also controlled, but more by my parents (who kept my siblings and I on quite a tight leash), and probably indirectly through the church (who influenced my parents parenting style).
Sorry, I don’t have much time right now to respond to everything you said, although it is very interesting. It is very sad that they used “fellowship” as a way to learn things and gain leverage. I actually did have something similar to that happen to me once I was a young adult in the church..long story though. I can just say, it was really awkward and uncomfortable to have a sit down with the brothers at a table and have them tell you things and what to do. As far as I know, once you are 18, you are an adult and shouldn’t have to be bossed around like that, especially from a church.
I am glad though you made it through this experience and ended up married to your husband. Please let me know if you want to discuss this further.

[Ohio]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I have a lot of stories and experiences that would take forever to write down. I'll post as I see threads of interest.

Welcome "unregistered!" Please pick a name and register!

Your story was informative in so many ways. I read it a couple times and said wow! Legalism, favoring the rich, man-pleasing, spying, self-righteousness, lovelessness (is that a word?), etc. etc. They preach "no gossiping," but that only applies to them. Call it "fellowship" and they can legitimize anything. I could go on. And on. With their hypocrisy.

But I also felt behind the scenes, in some romantic way, the Lord was preparing you and your husband for a wonderful life together of freedom, outside the LC. Kind of like a Romeo and Juliet story filled with incredible stories of what you went thru together. Blessings to you both!

[Nell]

Originally Posted by Ohio

Welcome "unregistered!" Please pick a name and register!

Your story was informative in so many ways. I read it a couple times and said wow! Legalism, favoring the rich, man-pleasing, spying, self-righteousness, lovelessness (is that a word?), etc. etc. They preach "no gossiping," but that only applies to them. Call it "fellowship" and they can legitimize anything. I could go on. And on. With their hypocrisy.

But I also felt behind the scenes, in some romantic way, the Lord was preparing you and your husband for a wonderful life together of freedom, outside the LC. Kind of like a Romeo and Juliet story filled with incredible stories of what you went thru together. Blessings to you both!

Amen to that!

I suggest "Juliet" as a wonderful user name for you! :-)

Nell