*Lurkers Only*: Now's Your Chance

Unregistered of 9-13 stated:
"It has been almost 30 years since I left the local church. Rarely does a day go by that I do not have feelings of angst about the matter. Not that I feel a bit of regret that I decided one day to just leave, but I felt so betrayed. I had put so much of my heart and soul into that movement, all in the name of Jesus. I was close to so many, and yet when I left, I was absolutely abandoned."

My husband has put about that amount of time into the LC and has decided to leave. He cannot be swayed. This, from someone who has supported the "Ministry" and the LC heart and soul for many, many years. And why? He is leaving because he is a quiet man. Every meeting leaves him feeling like a failure for not "feeding others" with the public speaking that to him is a frightening experience filled with an over-surge of adrenaline. This feeling of being a failure is compounded by the total lack of regard and attention he feels from the other saints. I am more talkative and, so, get more attention. This is unfair in his eyes because my "chatting" is not "spiritual" but usually only knowledge (my assessment). In other words, as long as you can talk fairly easily and openly, you get acknowledged and get, perhaps, some respect. The quiet ones? Nothing. Even if you serve as usher--as does my husband. What is so very sad about this is that some of the quieter ones are far more spiritual, truth be told, than those who leap up to share at every meeting. The quiet ones are often very faithful in tithing (certainly VERY necessary for a church to function) and usually show up to do those things the church has requested of the saints. The talkers? Often all talk and no do. (I serve in a certain place in the church where individuals will simply not show up when it is their turn but there they are--talking it up big-time during the meeting and "feeding the flock" and getting attention for it.)

And get this: when we finally leave, there will be no one who leaves the "ninety-and-nine" to come look for us--not that it will work by that time. He is done. Only the popular get ministry--we have seen this repeatedly--and only the popular would be missed. Purely from a strategical point, it would seem that those who have been constant and faithful in giving would be missed and sought after missing. But no! They fail to value even this.

I think more than anything, my husband is deeply wounded to finally figure out that he has no value in their eyes. People walk past him and do not even greet him--after being there for so very long AND serving and giving faithfully. I mean, how hard is it to say, "Hello, John!"? But apparently it IS hard because after he shared with me that this has happened and been happening for some time, I watched and saw that it was true. When he returned home from the small group meetings, he would say that no one greeted him when he entered or noticed when he left--when I questioned him. Can you imagine this?? What would Our Lord say about this? I can assure you that this man tells the truth as it is.

And so he has decided that we will try out another church--a denomination that preaches the gospel. He says that perhaps he is "only fit" for churches where a "preacher does all the work". This breaks my heart. He is kind, faithful, committed, and giving. Greeting is so basic. Small chitchat is so necessary to make others feel noticed and at home. Why is it that this church does not catch on? Why do they not seem to care at all?

Last, I would appreciate any suggestions you may have about helping him during this time of transition. I just wish I could tell you how huge this is for him. He loves the "ministry" but found that he has no value in the place where it is shared.