*Lurkers Only*: Now's Your Chance

coalsoffire · 11-15-2014, 05:00 PM

Haven't visited here in some time. I may have posted this before, but I reccomend the movie: Babette's Feast

Thanks to all who responded to me before. I am not so "lost" as I felt before.

Hmm... I wonder if my Five Baptisms story would be helpful to anyone?

aron · 11-15-2014, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coalsoffire

Haven't visited here in some time. I may have posted this before, but I recommend the movie: Babette's Feast?

Saw it on your recommendation. Loved it. Great message.

12-02-2014, 01:28 PM

So I've dawdled through here and figured I would post.

I grew up in the LC(90's) and always was aware we were different, even from other Christians. It was confusing and isolating really. The locality I grew up in didn't have that many YP and many left/no longer meet. Also, my father is still an important figure in that locale, even our family company employs solely saints. I remember a prayer at SST that I basically told God that if I was really meant to stay with this group for the rest of my life, then so be it...which one sister translated to "aww...He asked the Lord to keep him in the LC" I even remember as a child something outlined like "you get out of HS, then you go to college, and then to the training". A few things. As a biologist I was quite annoyed with trying to bridge the God gap continually and also the continual use of natural systems as models for the church, or Gods plan, or whatever. It all makes so much more sense through the lens of evolution. Another common theme that made no sense is that we had it all and that other folk were blind and lost.

I went to college(my folks were ok with me going anywhere so long as they had a campus work-so my little hope of escaping after highschool died) and stayed involved with the club on campus. Near the end of college I had fallen pretty hard for a girl in the club, and a really close friend and had been seeing each other and ended up getting married later. As the person closest to him I had heard nothing of it. The whole dating thing (I held out telling her for years the way I felt about her because I didn't feel like it would be ok to do...which sounds crazy looking back and thinking about how healthy relationships with the opposite sex should be. Needless to say I have never dated or anything and am a bit clueless where I'd begin-done with the whole "wait for god thing" and all the weirdness of how the right way to do it is to have a leading one tell the person you're interested in that you are...blah blah)
and the way the club would check in on student activities was always rather weird. I was really struggling and while many saints were very kind of caring, as things drew on many people kind of started distancing themselves or ignoring the issue. It is one thing to be able to ask about a physical illness, but it you are having issues emotionally dealing with things that is not ok and it may be because you aren't in your spirit enough etc. I'm thankful for the ones who I'd consider as friends who simply took me in and allowed me to, well, not be ok! Not to have to put on a face like I was doing great. I can be glad in the way it turned out now because had it somehow turned out that I ended up with her I'd be in deep in the LC, but still with my questions. It ended up hurting too much to continue going to meetings and the like and not really feeling cared for and having to hide it, so I petered out and stopped-save for a few folk that I consider close friends and I can trust(though I couple of em I suppose might be praying for me) not to pressure me to come back.

Their was also a lot of pressure to go to the training at the end of college. It really sent up red flags when the decision was framed as "The training, or everything else". I had a lot of good reasons to go to the training I guess(peers, status I suppose, the mention of people meeting spouses in the training), but it just did not seem right to go against what I really believed. It also didn't make sense that no mention was made of everyone who went and dropped out and disappeared, or otherwise. I ended up sacrificing a lot of happiness and progress towards the path I really wanted to take to take a job in the area to stay near the saints per advice of a leading brother-which in truth I suppose I should have taken to the Lord.

I since had the time of my life working a seasonal job a few states away from where I grew up, and am pretty sure what I want to do in life. But socially I am not. To stick to the plan I have to toss nearly everything and everyone I have ever known. I do have a couple close friends outside the church life thankfully but it is difficult to otherwise start from scratch. People really need to be put in a box and shaken around a bit to truly bond I think. A cousin introduced me to a group in my hometown that I've gone to a few services and hung out with the people(who, by golly, were every bit as nice as LC people were...so much for what they tried teaching us about "the world")...but at this point I'm not even sure I feel comfortable calling myself Christian anymore. I just want people to be happy and be able to care for each other-that's all. Is that really that hard to ask or find?

awareness · 12-02-2014, 03:10 PM

Unregistered take heart. I came out of the LC decades ago and am here to tell you that there is life after the LC, with both Christian and non-Christian folk. Live brother, live. And be true to yourself. Dump the Kool-Aid. Be free, and think free.

And I'm hopin it all works out for ya. Why not?

Harold

zeek · 12-02-2014, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered

So I've dawdled through here and figured I would post...

Thank you for sharing your story. There are no pat answers. The good news is that you are making your way and finding yourself. You may feel that you lack social skills, but you are young and able to learn. I've noticed that people usually respond positively when I honestly express my feelings but that was not a skill that was reinforced in Witness Lee's Church. So give yourself all the time you need and don't be too hard on yourself when you make mistakes. I wish you all success in the process of realizing who you are which, by the way, will take you the rest of your life as it does for all of us.

Freedom · 12-02-2014, 07:21 PM

Unregistered, thank you for sharing your story. While I can't say that I have any advice to give you, know that you are not alone. Like you, I am a "church kid". I am actually still involved in the LC, but I just have the realization that I need to leave. That is partly why I joined this forum.

Growing up in the LC is something that only those of us who have done so will ever understand. I think that in most cases, those of us who grew up in the LC are 2nd generation, so our parents can never understand what we went through since they didn't have that experience of growing up in the LC. When I look back upon my childhood, I realize there were many things about the LC that bothered me, but as a kid and young person, what choice did I have? By the time I entered high school and college, I wasn't particularly drawn to the LC, but I had nothing else to turn to, so I basically "immersed" myself in LC activities.

As is the case with many, when I was in college, I lived in a "brothers house". While that experience gave me the opportunity to get to know some brothers on a more personal level, I realized it was also somewhat crippling for me socially. For example, one of the rules was no dating (just like in the FTTA). When I look back at that, I can't believe that I gave myself so blindly to that kind of environment.

I will be completely honest with you here: I am not married, nor have I ever dated. I am in my late 20's, so maybe a bit younger than you are. For someone who has plans on attending the FTTA, and allowing brothers to serve as "matchmakers" for who they will marry, then I suppose this situation might be more acceptable. For someone who didn't follow this "path" that they push everyone down, it is crippling.

In my particular situation, I am past the point where anyone could really try and stop me from dating, however, the LC is not an environment that I would ever want to bring a family up in, so until I have completely disassociated myself with the LC, it is out of the question for me. I bring this up is so that you know you're not the only one out there. It can certainly be perplexing, and who outside the LC can really understand?

I've always felt socially awkward and have relied heavily on LC friendships over the years. Once I entered the workforce, I found that it was somewhat easier to develop meaningful relationships with people, due to the inevitability of having to work closely with others. Simple things like that have really helped me to get used to how people function in real life. I've always had Christian friends outside the LC throughout my life, so I have always tried to make the most of those relationships. Though my situation is nowhere near ideal, I am thankful every day that I didn't turn out worse.

12-02-2014, 07:54 PM

Freedom

Thank you for the support. Im a good bit younger I think...almost 25. Like you I have never dated

My father actually did grow up in the church life in taiwan. His father passed when he was an early teenager and he spent a lot of time w the saints. So he can actually relate. What he cant relate to is wanting out.

I lived in a brothers apt...not true corporate living but it might has well have been. The brother I mention in the love triangle above was actually my roommate. We were inseperable. He was a bit older, way more devoted then I could be(and better at everything else it seemed too), and I looked up to him very much.

Losing the network is probably the toughest thing. One thing that made it easier is that many of the connections turned out rather superficial since it is difficult to discuss reuly meaningful hopes and fears

countmeworthy · 12-02-2014, 08:15 PM

I echo everyone's sentiments 'unregistered'. Thanks for sharing your journey here. Just know God really, really loves you. He hates what the LC turned into using His Name and His Word. But He loves us all..and especially those who have been paralyzed by the LC mindset.

He is going to guide your steps. Trust Him and ask Him to help you and guide you every step of the way.

God bless you and shower you with His Love, His inner Peace and Supernatural Favor surrounding you with loving friends.

Carol

Cal · 12-02-2014, 08:18 PM

Guys, I wasn't an LC kid. But I did join the LC when I was 19. I left in my late 20s. I didn't get married until I was 44. Now I have a beautiful family and many good friends. It just takes time to get normalized. But it can happen. I'm living proof.

But don't make the mistake of just running and trying to bury the past. That won't work. You can exist that way, but you can't really live. The strongholds have to be smashed, and they are spiritual in nature.

What got me through, eventually, was God. That's the odd thing about all this. The LC is supposed to be all about God. But if it was, why do the people who leave seem to need to start from scratch to get to know the Lord? The answer is they didn't know him in the LC, not really anyway. They just had a religion, a very insidious, mind-controlling religion.

As I've said before, you have to learn to pray. You have to genuinely get to know God and rely on him. That's what eventually breaks down the mental strongholds and sets you free. As they say, the best way out is through. And the best way through is prayer.

Relationships turn out to be pretty simple, too. Just love people. Don't think about yourself first. Treat people with genuine appreciation as God does. Learn how to let them shine. You'll then begin to notice that people actually like you and like being around you. But you'll also realize it isn't about you, and never was. It's just that a little of the glory rubs off on you as you serve people God's way.

So, surprise!, it turns out that obeying the first two commandments is very powerful and key. Love God and love people. It's no more complicated than that. Then you'll begin to enjoy that the kingdom of God is everywhere, because you are bringing it with you.

countmeworthy · 12-03-2014, 08:23 AM

WOW!! What an awesome testimony Igzy !!! Thanks for sharing and giving LCrs people such hope. I have known this and have TRIED to explain what you did but you did it so simplistic ! I tend to get all spiritual. hee hee

but truly that is how I live.

So happy you got married and have a beautiful family and many good friends. I've never been married but I am very blessed and content.

I hope many people will read your testimony and be so encouraged by it !
God bless you and your family and loved ones Igzy!
Until we meet ITA to the Glory and Praise of Almighty God!

Love ya!
Carol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Igzy

Guys, I wasn't an LC kid. But I did join the LC when I was 19. I left in my late 20s. I didn't get married until I was 44. Now I have a beautiful family and many good friends. It just takes time to get normalized. But it can happen. I'm living proof.

But don't make the mistake of just running and trying to bury the past. That won't work. You can exist that way, but you can't really live. The strongholds have to be smashed, and they are spiritual in nature.

What got me through, eventually, was God. That's the odd thing about all this. The LC is supposed to be all about God. But if it was, why do the people who leave seem to need to start from scratch to get to know the Lord? The answer is they didn't know him in the LC, not really anyway. They just had a religion, a very insidious, mind-controlling religion.

As I've said before, you have to learn to pray. You have to genuinely get to know God and rely on him. That's what eventually breaks down the mental strongholds and sets you free. As they say, the best way out is through. And the best way through is prayer.

Relationships turn out to be pretty simple, too. Just love people. Don't think about yourself first. Treat people with genuine appreciation as God does. Learn how to let them shine. You'll then begin to notice that people actually like you and like being around you. But you'll also realize it isn't about you, and never was. It's just that a little of the glory rubs off on you as you serve people God's way.

So, surprise!, it turns out that obeying the first two commandments is very powerful and key. Love God and love people. It's no more complicated than that. Then you'll begin to enjoy that the kingdom of God is everywhere, because you are bringing it with you.

12-02-2014, 07:32 PM

Thank you both...it means a lot to be able to share with people who understand.

I often had the thought or wish that I could just drink the koolaid...so to speak, like some of my peers that i look up to so much. Life would be so much easier. Wouldn't it be nice...if not improbable, if you were born into your purpose on this earth and just had to hold course?

I always visualized it as an eddy that I wanted to get out of. Its easy just to stay. On the drive back home I ended up staying a night w a couple that had migrated from my college locale to a nice midpoint for the journey. I was clear with them that I was actively not meeting anymore. The best explanation I could come up with isthat I decided I didnt want it anymore.

Im hoping I can find true and deep friendships and connections just eith normal people. Not sure where...but I know its out there.

One learning curve so far has been learning how to make my own decisions and plan. The tracks have ended so to speak.

11-15-2014, 05:00 PM	#1
coalsoffire Member Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 13	*Re: Lurkers Only: Now's Your Chance* Haven't visited here in some time. I may have posted this before, but I reccomend the movie: Babette's Feast Thanks to all who responded to me before. I am not so "lost" as I felt before. Hmm... I wonder if my Five Baptisms story would be helpful to anyone? __________________ Jesus wept.

12-02-2014, 01:28 PM	#3
Unregistered Guest Posts: n/a	*Re: Lurkers Only: Now's Your Chance* So I've dawdled through here and figured I would post. I grew up in the LC(90's) and always was aware we were different, even from other Christians. It was confusing and isolating really. The locality I grew up in didn't have that many YP and many left/no longer meet. Also, my father is still an important figure in that locale, even our family company employs solely saints. I remember a prayer at SST that I basically told God that if I was really meant to stay with this group for the rest of my life, then so be it...which one sister translated to "aww...He asked the Lord to keep him in the LC" I even remember as a child something outlined like "you get out of HS, then you go to college, and then to the training". A few things. As a biologist I was quite annoyed with trying to bridge the God gap continually and also the continual use of natural systems as models for the church, or Gods plan, or whatever. It all makes so much more sense through the lens of evolution. Another common theme that made no sense is that we had it all and that other folk were blind and lost. I went to college(my folks were ok with me going anywhere so long as they had a campus work-so my little hope of escaping after highschool died) and stayed involved with the club on campus. Near the end of college I had fallen pretty hard for a girl in the club, and a really close friend and had been seeing each other and ended up getting married later. As the person closest to him I had heard nothing of it. The whole dating thing (I held out telling her for years the way I felt about her because I didn't feel like it would be ok to do...which sounds crazy looking back and thinking about how healthy relationships with the opposite sex should be. Needless to say I have never dated or anything and am a bit clueless where I'd begin-done with the whole "wait for god thing" and all the weirdness of how the right way to do it is to have a leading one tell the person you're interested in that you are...blah blah) and the way the club would check in on student activities was always rather weird. I was really struggling and while many saints were very kind of caring, as things drew on many people kind of started distancing themselves or ignoring the issue. It is one thing to be able to ask about a physical illness, but it you are having issues emotionally dealing with things that is not ok and it may be because you aren't in your spirit enough etc. I'm thankful for the ones who I'd consider as friends who simply took me in and allowed me to, well, not be ok! Not to have to put on a face like I was doing great. I can be glad in the way it turned out now because had it somehow turned out that I ended up with her I'd be in deep in the LC, but still with my questions. It ended up hurting too much to continue going to meetings and the like and not really feeling cared for and having to hide it, so I petered out and stopped-save for a few folk that I consider close friends and I can trust(though I couple of em I suppose might be praying for me) not to pressure me to come back. Their was also a lot of pressure to go to the training at the end of college. It really sent up red flags when the decision was framed as "The training, or everything else". I had a lot of good reasons to go to the training I guess(peers, status I suppose, the mention of people meeting spouses in the training), but it just did not seem right to go against what I really believed. It also didn't make sense that no mention was made of everyone who went and dropped out and disappeared, or otherwise. I ended up sacrificing a lot of happiness and progress towards the path I really wanted to take to take a job in the area to stay near the saints per advice of a leading brother-which in truth I suppose I should have taken to the Lord. I since had the time of my life working a seasonal job a few states away from where I grew up, and am pretty sure what I want to do in life. But socially I am not. To stick to the plan I have to toss nearly everything and everyone I have ever known. I do have a couple close friends outside the church life thankfully but it is difficult to otherwise start from scratch. People really need to be put in a box and shaken around a bit to truly bond I think. A cousin introduced me to a group in my hometown that I've gone to a few services and hung out with the people(who, by golly, were every bit as nice as LC people were...so much for what they tried teaching us about "the world")...but at this point I'm not even sure I feel comfortable calling myself Christian anymore. I just want people to be happy and be able to care for each other-that's all. Is that really that hard to ask or find?

12-02-2014, 03:10 PM	#4
awareness Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 8,064	*Re: Lurkers Only: Now's Your Chance* Unregistered take heart. I came out of the LC decades ago and am here to tell you that there is life after the LC, with both Christian and non-Christian folk. Live brother, live. And be true to yourself. Dump the Kool-Aid. Be free, and think free. And I'm hopin it all works out for ya. Why not? Harold __________________ Cults: My brain will always be there for you. Thinking. So you don't have to. There's a serpent in every paradise.

12-02-2014, 07:21 PM	#6
Freedom Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Posts: 1,636	*Re: Lurkers Only: Now's Your Chance* Unregistered, thank you for sharing your story. While I can't say that I have any advice to give you, know that you are not alone. Like you, I am a "church kid". I am actually still involved in the LC, but I just have the realization that I need to leave. That is partly why I joined this forum. Growing up in the LC is something that only those of us who have done so will ever understand. I think that in most cases, those of us who grew up in the LC are 2nd generation, so our parents can never understand what we went through since they didn't have that experience of growing up in the LC. When I look back upon my childhood, I realize there were many things about the LC that bothered me, but as a kid and young person, what choice did I have? By the time I entered high school and college, I wasn't particularly drawn to the LC, but I had nothing else to turn to, so I basically "immersed" myself in LC activities. As is the case with many, when I was in college, I lived in a "brothers house". While that experience gave me the opportunity to get to know some brothers on a more personal level, I realized it was also somewhat crippling for me socially. For example, one of the rules was no dating (just like in the FTTA). When I look back at that, I can't believe that I gave myself so blindly to that kind of environment. I will be completely honest with you here: I am not married, nor have I ever dated. I am in my late 20's, so maybe a bit younger than you are. For someone who has plans on attending the FTTA, and allowing brothers to serve as "matchmakers" for who they will marry, then I suppose this situation might be more acceptable. For someone who didn't follow this "path" that they push everyone down, it is crippling. In my particular situation, I am past the point where anyone could really try and stop me from dating, however, the LC is not an environment that I would ever want to bring a family up in, so until I have completely disassociated myself with the LC, it is out of the question for me. I bring this up is so that you know you're not the only one out there. It can certainly be perplexing, and who outside the LC can really understand? I've always felt socially awkward and have relied heavily on LC friendships over the years. Once I entered the workforce, I found that it was somewhat easier to develop meaningful relationships with people, due to the inevitability of having to work closely with others. Simple things like that have really helped me to get used to how people function in real life. I've always had Christian friends outside the LC throughout my life, so I have always tried to make the most of those relationships. Though my situation is nowhere near ideal, I am thankful every day that I didn't turn out worse.

12-02-2014, 07:54 PM	#7
Unregistered Guest Posts: n/a	*Re: Lurkers Only: Now's Your Chance* Freedom Thank you for the support. Im a good bit younger I think...almost 25. Like you I have never dated My father actually did grow up in the church life in taiwan. His father passed when he was an early teenager and he spent a lot of time w the saints. So he can actually relate. What he cant relate to is wanting out. I lived in a brothers apt...not true corporate living but it might has well have been. The brother I mention in the love triangle above was actually my roommate. We were inseperable. He was a bit older, way more devoted then I could be(and better at everything else it seemed too), and I looked up to him very much. Losing the network is probably the toughest thing. One thing that made it easier is that many of the connections turned out rather superficial since it is difficult to discuss reuly meaningful hopes and fears

12-02-2014, 08:15 PM	#8
countmeworthy Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: in Spirit & in Truth Posts: 1,378	*Re: Lurkers Only: Now's Your Chance* I echo everyone's sentiments 'unregistered'. Thanks for sharing your journey here. Just know God really, really loves you. He hates what the LC turned into using His Name and His Word. But He loves us all..and especially those who have been paralyzed by the LC mindset. He is going to guide your steps. Trust Him and ask Him to help you and guide you every step of the way. God bless you and shower you with His Love, His inner Peace and Supernatural Favor surrounding you with loving friends. Carol __________________ Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be *accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass,* and to stand before the Son of man. (Luke 21:36)

12-02-2014, 08:18 PM	#9
Cal Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: USA Posts: 4,333	*Re: Lurkers Only: Now's Your Chance* Guys, I wasn't an LC kid. But I did join the LC when I was 19. I left in my late 20s. I didn't get married until I was 44. Now I have a beautiful family and many good friends. It just takes time to get normalized. But it can happen. I'm living proof. But don't make the mistake of just running and trying to bury the past. That won't work. You can exist that way, but you can't really live. The strongholds have to be smashed, and they are spiritual in nature. What got me through, eventually, was God. That's the odd thing about all this. The LC is supposed to be all about God. But if it was, why do the people who leave seem to need to start from scratch to get to know the Lord? The answer is they didn't know him in the LC, not really anyway. They just had a religion, a very insidious, mind-controlling religion. As I've said before, you have to learn to pray. You have to genuinely get to know God and rely on him. That's what eventually breaks down the mental strongholds and sets you free. As they say, the best way out is through. And the best way through is prayer. Relationships turn out to be pretty simple, too. Just love people. Don't think about yourself first. Treat people with genuine appreciation as God does. Learn how to let them shine. You'll then begin to notice that people actually like you and like being around you. But you'll also realize it isn't about you, and never was. It's just that a little of the glory rubs off on you as you serve people God's way. So, surprise!, it turns out that obeying the first two commandments is very powerful and key. Love God and love people. It's no more complicated than that. Then you'll begin to enjoy that the kingdom of God is everywhere, because you are bringing it with you.

12-02-2014, 07:32 PM	#11
Unregistered Guest Posts: n/a	*Re: Lurkers Only: Now's Your Chance* Thank you both...it means a lot to be able to share with people who understand. I often had the thought or wish that I could just drink the koolaid...so to speak, like some of my peers that i look up to so much. Life would be so much easier. Wouldn't it be nice...if not improbable, if you were born into your purpose on this earth and just had to hold course? I always visualized it as an eddy that I wanted to get out of. Its easy just to stay. On the drive back home I ended up staying a night w a couple that had migrated from my college locale to a nice midpoint for the journey. I was clear with them that I was actively not meeting anymore. The best explanation I could come up with isthat I decided I didnt want it anymore. Im hoping I can find true and deep friendships and connections just eith normal people. Not sure where...but I know its out there. One learning curve so far has been learning how to make my own decisions and plan. The tracks have ended so to speak.