An Outsider's Story

[OBW]

Originally Posted by ToGodAlone

I won't claim to know what marginal exactly means in this context, but I'm pretty sure she's not marginal. She's pretty well integrated as an officer into the club function of CoC as well, which I'm not sure they would allow a "marginal" member to do.

As for her being open to discussion, she is. I probably missed many details in my initial post, which is easy to do. She is by no means a LRC zealot if you will. She has no intentions of going to the FTT after college and pretty much only goes because it's all she knows and has grown up with. Therefore, the outlook is not quite as bleak as you would say. Still, the teachings of LSM and the LRC are well ingrained in her life (understandable since she grew up in it) so it's no walk in the park to convince her of other things, as I'm sure you know.

These facts reveal a kind of wild card. Brought up in the LRC is not necessarily a plus for them. But while she has been open to dating you for some time, since she refuses to really discuss church issues, she has probably not faced the inconsistent position (relative to what her upbringing should insist upon). How she reacts when faced with this reality will be the key.

I know that I painted a bleak picture. But I would not say there is no hope. But if things go well for you, she will eventually have to deal with some level of discord within her family, even if it remains simply the elephant in the room. I know about this. While my family joined the LRC when I was a senior in high school, I was part of it for 14+ years, now being out for almost 24 years (next month). There has been limited real conflict, but continuous background noise about our leaving. When I visit my parents (now only my Dad) or my brother and/or sister, there is an elephant in the room. And the little snips of comments (not directed at us) that are like the voices in the trees on Lost.

Now I met my wife in the LRC, and we left together. The LRC conflict has always been outside of our house, not within it. So our situation is not what you will face (no matter how it works out). But it may not be that different.

As for the comment on being "marginal," it is an insidious term that LRC leadership uses in private about the membership. It relates to those who are not toeing the LRC line in virtually every way. But the range of marginal goes from simply not involved in the latest "turn" (as they used to call it, like the New Way back in the 80s) all the way up to just hanging on and only coming to an occasional meeting. Your girlfriend, by dating an outsider, has become, at some level, marginal no matter how strongly she seems to be for the program and despite the fact that her entire family is part of the LRC. My parents have been referred to as marginal. And they've weathered every storm in the LRC since January, 1973. And out of another side of the leaderships' mouths called pillars of the church in Dallas. (Actually, I doubt that Dallas considers them that marginal. But Irving did, which was mostly run by LSM people at the time.) It probably stems (partly) from the fact that they moved from Dallas to Irving and the back several years later without clearing it with the "brothers." My goodness, someone sold a house without our approval.

The is the nature of the beast that you are dealing with.