Did you also have a difficult childhood in the LC?

[Curious]

Originally Posted by ISeeCrazyPeople

Trapped,
I should not have assumed you weren’t trapped. I understand where you are coming from as far as having a past in the LC and it’s apparently not something people can just “get over” as soon as they leave. I am really just happy there are people who talks about this type of thing, because I previously didn’t know there were others who had similar feelings to my own. I agree, being a church kid made me feel like I was constantly judged and watched by God (not loved).. I remember that one children’s song that had the lyrics “be careful little minds what you think” and “be careful little eyes what you see”.. I don’t think this song was meant to be scary, but the way I interpreted was scary. To me, I thought I was supposed to be constantly worried and scared God would “catch me” doing something wrong and bad, and to be fearful all the time in case I thought, said, or did the wrong thing.

Do you say “Christian radio was a new thing” to you because we were told Christian radio was sinful in the LC (sounds likely)? Kind of like how it was implied to us through the LC that Catholics are sinful/a cult, and the large mega non-denominational Christian churches are worldly and not of God? My memories of the church are sometimes not super clear. I think I might have blocked a lot of the memories out, or they just seem so unrealistic that I can hardly believe they were ever true.

I like how you shared about that song. I personally have a hard time being touched by Christian songs ... maybe from years in the church with all the expectations to be touched by the spirit (when I really wasn’t touched at all.) I remember people standing up during our Sunday meetings and saying “lets touch our spirit with hymn number ___”.. or “lets worship The Lord with number ___” or something like that. I was never really touched. Your interpretation of the song, and how it impacted you, however, IS touching to me, because you explain how it was meaningful to you.

On a side note, I have been looking forward to responding to you and receiving more insight from you, but it’s so challenging to get a free moment. This is also a thing I wonder about God.. how does he expect people who face certain challenges like being a parent, or working a lot, or whatever it may be that doesn’t allow for time to be alone, sit, think, ponder about life… how does he expect them to do all of the research it takes to figure him out? Because apparently it takes a lot more for people who are questioning types of people (such as myself) and can’t just go by blind faith alone, to believe in him. It worries me that I won’t have time to figure this out by the time I die. I really want time to read these Christian apologetics that you’re talking about, but usually by the end of the day, I just want to pass out and watch a 45 min tv show (all I have time for), or read a little fiction, then go to bed.

Although now I consider myself Agnostic, I have made a serious attempt, in the past, to put aside time to figure out Christianity. It just sometimes feels like one needs to be a super scholar to understand.. so then are the rest of us dumb-dumbs doomed? I once tried to read a book called “How to Study the Bible for Yourself” by one of the guys who wrote the “Left Behind” series.. that was my starting point. But, he insists in the book that you should read the bible every morning before breakfast. He was very adamant about this and says “No Bible, NO Breakfast.” I’m sorry, I just won’t do something like that. It seemed to appeal to young single people who could actually do that. Where does that leave everyone else?

I know you probably don’t have all the answers to these questions, and I’m probably just venting. I still will try to make a serious attempt to read books and educate myself. It will probably just be a very slow process. And what if I die before I figure this out? Am I then doomed as well because I didn’t figure it out in time?

Well, enough complaining. Do you have any recommendations as far as books (Apologetics?) which I should start with? I already plan to read one of the books on spiritual abuse at some point (and I thank you again for those recommendations. Just not sure when I will get around to it.

Dear iseecrazypeople,

I understand your post very well. Having young children can mean constant vigilance day and night, with no breaks till a few YEARS when they get a bit older. God does not favour the studious, though studying the Bible is certainly helpful to the Christian journey.

I just want to advise you this: get yourself the book 'the subtle power of spiritual abuse'. Put it in your recipe holder, or device stand and put it by your stove, and read even just one paragraph a day while you are waiting for something to grill, or stirring the pasta in the pot etc.

You will be gripped by this book, I feel sure of that. Even if your brain is exhausted, you can mull over till the next chance you get to read a bit more . Only if it triggers unbearable pain or anger in you, that could be a reason to stop and look for another plan, which unfortunately, likely.

I am of the opinion that this comes ahead of reading Christian apologetics, as seperating what you experienced from 'health' is the first step. Then studying what Christianity should be will be much more clear to understand. That's just my two cents worth. I hope it helps. Short spurts of the book may help you process the contents as you go. There is a lot to take in.

Maybe you can then think about and process it all alongside parental activities... another multitasking exercise I know!!

I understand this is a question for Trapped, and he may have better advice for you on it's way.