Church Kid Testimonial Living Stream Ministry The Local Church

Nell · 01-19-2023, 06:41 AM

I've added the transcript in sections which help to avoid extremely large quoted text. If you find errors, please let me know and I will correct.
You may need to read from the bottom up.

Thanks--Nell

Hey guys,
I’ve been wanting to make a video like this for quite some time and I think now is the time for me to actually speak about it. I am a “church Kid”. I have been in the church since 1987. First, Honduras, then Miami and then my last church experience was in Austin.

I swore I’d never do one of these videos because, first of all I know the majority of the people in the church don’t want to hear about this or see it, won’t even look at it and or if they do, they’re just going to write me off as poisonous or negative or “in the world” or whatever. All the things that come up, or “she’s crazy” or you know, “she got divorced” and so she “went off on the dark side” or whatever. I really don’t care. I just…this is more for the people that are actually…on the line…and want to maybe hear another opinion or someone that’s actkually lived through it and wants some hope maybe.

Nell · 01-19-2023, 11:13 AM

1 - OVERCOMER
I don’t know where to start because I have so much information. I don’t want to make this too long because then no one wants to watch it, but basically there’s a few things, the biggest thing I struggled with, and everyone that’s in the churches knows this, you know, this whole concept of being an “overcomer”. It’s been daunting me. It’s been this biggest one of the biggest things I’ve dealt with growing up in this group was this idea of being an overcomer and I don’t know where they got this from, but I’ve talked to so many people that are “well I’m just going to be in outer darkness, and I’m going to suffer for those thousand years…and that’s it…because I’m not an overcomer.

I remember thinking “Man! Okay, maybe if I can just get myself to read the Morning Revival every day or if I can get myself to read the Bible or go to all the home meetings and go to the meetings on Sunday and always be on top of it and bring in new ones…then I’ll be an overcomer. But really, if you just do the math, statistically speaking, the odds were not in my favor. I was always (thinking) “I’m never gonna be an overcomer” and it just always seemed like such an impossible thing.

Nell · 01-19-2023, 11:14 AM

2 - A LOVING GOD?
It doesn’t make any sense. We talk about this God that’s so loving, so sweet, so amazing. As a parent, and I have four boys, as a parent I would never, ever punish my children the way the church says they’re going to…that God’s gonna punish or judge us or we’re going to have to go through this transformation. You know it’s just fear-based. It’s all for your base.

Any political, any government entity, anyone in power, knows that fear is the best way to get people to move. You can see that from the whole experience, it’s all fear—fear based. When you have someone in a position of fear, you’re able to control them.

Nell · 01-19-2023, 11:15 AM

3 - FEAR BASED
That’s what this church does. It’s all fear-based. If you’re not an “overcomer”, if you don’t do “this”, if you don’t do “that”. It’s very subtle and it never sat right with me. I always felt like such an outcast in the church. I was like “I’m never going to be that kind of sister.” I’m never going to talk like “her”, be able to share like “her” in the meetings. I was always putting myself down. My confidence was so low in that group. I was always saying “I’m never going to be an ‘overcomer’.” I’m not good enough. I can’t read the Bible like this person. I can’t share like that person.

You don’t realize it because it’s such a low lever in your subconscious. You’re constantly putting yourself down. It’s not a positive message. It’s always like they say it is, but it’s really not (positive).

I’ve known so many people in my age group, specifically, were children of people that initially started these churches. And, you know, a lot of them have left..and no one even asks “why”.

A lot of them, it’s all the same thing. We’ve seen the reality…it’s a bunch of BS. The people that are still in it are so brainwashed. I remember years ago when I was in this group, when any kind of video or something that came out on Facebook, it was “don’t watch it! Don’t listen to this! It’s poison!”

Nell · 01-19-2023, 11:16 AM

4 - ASKING QUESTIONS=POISON
Why is it poison? I’m questioning things…anyone should be able to question things…anyone should be able to speak out. What are they trying to cover up? They don’t want the truth to come out. I’ve had over 10 stories I could tell you right now. I’ll tell you a few of them. Oh countless, countless stories of abuse.

Nell · 01-19-2023, 11:19 AM

5 - COVER UP—SEXUAL ABUSE
Cover up sexual abuse. Cover up these guys still in the church, still have kids in their home, still have young people in their home. The elders KNOW they are doing things or have done things to kids…and no one’s doing anything about it.

Home meetings in their homes…I know about this one older man and he did something terrible to a young person in high school and junior high and to several others that came forward that I found out about. He still has young Brothers in his home and he had been molesting the other ones back in the day and no one does anything about it. It’s all in the name of covering this brother or covering the situation, and to me it blows my mind!

And my own family, have had a situation and one male in the family abused another person in the family. Our first instinct as a family, because at the time, we were all in the church, was to cover it up—don’t say anything! We need not to stumble the body. Just go away quietly. What is going on?

That is horrible because, what if that person goes off and does it to another person…and we never reported it! There are legal things in the world for a reason!

People like that are sick and they need to get help. I get it. The message is, if it happens in the world, it will happen in the church life.

…
I’ll tell you this much: the fact that the elders and the leading ones know about it and they don’t do anything about it, for the most part, makes me sick. I’ve had very close contact with several people, several young girls, college girls. So many people who live with these monstrosities of people that are still “in the meetings” and they (young girls) can’t meet because they’re so embarrassed, ashamed, scared to go to the meeting because these people (abusers) are still in the meetings…and no one cares.

Another thing, … we have such judgmental characters, such elitist mentality in this group. I remember even myself. I’m speaking because I’ve had these thoughts. “It’s like, oh well, it’s degraded Christianity. They’re “below us”. “They” don’t know anything. We have the highest truth.

Nell · 01-19-2023, 11:21 AM

6 - THE HIGHEST TRUTH?
Somehow this Asian man that died all of these years ago, he has the highest truth. Just him. … Doesn’t it sound like every other cult that’s ever existed? This one guy happens to get the truth? He gets inspired by God and he writes all of this stuff and no one questions it? No one even looks back into anything ever? How are we supposed to just trust this one? These two guys? That’s the only stuff that we read? No one welcomes any other authors into the church? You can’t speak about other authors in the meetings? You can’t question anything in the meetings?

Anyone I’ve ever known that’s questioned things or has done anything like I’m doing, their reputation gets tarnished. They get cut off completely.

In Austin, an elder who totally lied about a whole situation and we talked to the victim. She told us a whole different story. I knew she was telling the truth…she got totally exiled. There are so many cover-ups going on, it’s ridiculous.

I’m sorry to those of you that are still in this group and don’t see it. I was one of those people not long ago. I understand how deep the brainwashing goes. People say “when you speak out, bad things happen to you” or “you touch the body, you touch the ark.”

I’m not doing any of those things. I’m just telling you facts. A God that really, truly loves somebody would never harm them. I’m a mother, I have four boys. I would never, ever, punish my children because they are human…

A real God won’t punish anybody and will not throw them into judgment or cast them into Eternal whatever for a thousand years and make them sufer because they were human and made mistakes.

Nell · 01-19-2023, 11:22 AM

7 - MENTAL HEALTH – SPIRITUAL ABUSE
That is a story I refuse to believe and base so much off of this “Overcomer” stuff…it blows my mind. No one should have to suffer thinking they’re never going to be an overcome and just live their life.
Another thing, you’re constantly contradicting your own self. It’s like putting down the flesh. Your soul is good for nothing. Your mind, our minds are powerful, beautiful things. Our soul is a beautiful thing…it’s made to express things God put in us.

Why would we put ourselves down? Why would we constantly be saying that our flesh is good for nothing? God made us a certain way, with gifts and abilities, for a reason. It is a self-loathing we’re “good for nothing” message, and puts people into a depressive state. There are so many people with mental health issues in this group—more than average groups out there. It’s insane.

I have seen countless people (who are) depressed, suicidal. I have gone through some horrible things with people that were close to me that have gone through some mental issues and were extremely spiritually based. The mental thoughts they went through because of the brainwashing this group puts you through.

I know no one likes to say the “c” word, but this is a cult. It’s not such an obvious cult like other cults where they are drinking blood and whatnot. This is a cold, a very evil cold, and there’s some very terrible things that happen in this group and if you’re still in it…there’s other people you can talk to that have gotten out.

I’ll tell you first hand, I have never felt more free, more relieved, in my entire life. I feel like a load has been lifted off me, since I’ve left. I don’t feel this constant pressure of how I need to be and what I need to act like. All of the criteria. They don’t talk about what the “overcomer” is, but there are all these other criteria.

You only read this one author and you have to dress and speak a certain way. They don’t tell you it’s a slow transition as to how they want you to be. It’s very robotic. When I even see people communicate online through these groups that are in the church, it makes my stomach hurt. It’s disgusting. I’m not some heathen now…out in the “world” doing what ever I want. I’m living a really good life. I’m living a very moral life. I enjoy my life right now and it’s been a fantastic opportunity. God has taken me out of this group and he’s given me an amazing life and nothing bad has come out of it.

Nell · 01-19-2023, 11:23 AM

8 - MORE FEAR BASED PRACTICES
If you’re afraid to leave because you think horrible things will happen to you, it’s not true. He doesn’t want you to be tortured or to suffer. He wants to love you and show that there’s more than this group.

I met one girl—I knew her for over 10 years. She’s my age, in her 30’s. She never had children, never been married. I told her “hey, why don’t you just try to date and see who’s out there?”

She replied “Oh no! I could never, ever, date anyone outside of the church life. I know that they’ll take me out of it.”

So what’s her alternative? She has to stay in the church forever and be single—not have children because—heaven forbid—she goes to find a man that’s not in the church, that could treat her right.

It’s insane to me. I have been in countless groups of married women talking about the abuse they’re receiving from their husbands, but they can’t say anything because they have to “cover their husbands”. It blows my mind!

All the morality and all the logic here just goes out window, under the name and guise of the “covering of God”.

Nell · 01-19-2023, 11:25 AM

9 - SITUATION CONTROL BY THE LEADERSHIP
The whole system is set in place where if there’s an “issue”, you go to the leading brothers. They can control the situation from there. They’re not God! We are replacing God with these guys. They are not God! If there’s an issue and he goes straight to the source and talk to them, why would he talk to the leading brothers? That is not a good place.

They should not have to be interfering anyway. I could go on and on.

Nell · 01-19-2023, 11:26 AM

10 – CONCLUSION
Maybe I'll make another video at one point but I just wanted to put this out there and get it off my chest because it's been something that's been on my heart for a long time and I know that if I see something, if it affects and helps one person, I’ll feel good about it so if you’re listening and for some reason this resonates with you and you feel in your heart, don’t let your mind talk you out of it.

It means something. It means you’re trying to get out of this group. It’s a bondage to be in this group. You will feel a lot more free and good things will come…I promise.

01-19-2023, 06:41 AM	#1
Nell Admin/Moderator Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 2,100	Church Kid Testimonial Living Stream Ministry The Local Church I've added the transcript in sections which help to avoid extremely large quoted text. If you find errors, please let me know and I will correct. You may need to read from the bottom up. Thanks--Nell Hey guys, I’ve been wanting to make a video like this for quite some time and I think now is the time for me to actually speak about it. I am a “church Kid”. I have been in the church since 1987. First, Honduras, then Miami and then my last church experience was in Austin. I swore I’d never do one of these videos because, first of all I know the majority of the people in the church don’t want to hear about this or see it, won’t even look at it and or if they do, they’re just going to write me off as poisonous or negative or “in the world” or whatever. All the things that come up, or “she’s crazy” or you know, “she got divorced” and so she “went off on the dark side” or whatever. I really don’t care. I just…this is more for the people that are actually…on the line…and want to maybe hear another opinion or someone that’s actkually lived through it and wants some hope maybe.

01-19-2023, 11:13 AM	#2
Nell Admin/Moderator Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 2,100	1 - OVERCOMER 1 - OVERCOMER I don’t know where to start because I have so much information. I don’t want to make this too long because then no one wants to watch it, but basically there’s a few things, the biggest thing I struggled with, and everyone that’s in the churches knows this, you know, this whole concept of being an “overcomer”. It’s been daunting me. It’s been this biggest one of the biggest things I’ve dealt with growing up in this group was this idea of being an overcomer and I don’t know where they got this from, but I’ve talked to so many people that are “well I’m just going to be in outer darkness, and I’m going to suffer for those thousand years…and that’s it…because I’m not an overcomer. I remember thinking “Man! Okay, maybe if I can just get myself to read the Morning Revival every day or if I can get myself to read the Bible or go to all the home meetings and go to the meetings on Sunday and always be on top of it and bring in new ones…then I’ll be an overcomer. But really, if you just do the math, statistically speaking, the odds were not in my favor. I was always (thinking) “I’m never gonna be an overcomer” and it just always seemed like such an impossible thing.

01-19-2023, 11:14 AM	#3
Nell Admin/Moderator Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 2,100	2 - A LOVING GOD? 2 - A LOVING GOD? It doesn’t make any sense. We talk about this God that’s so loving, so sweet, so amazing. As a parent, and I have four boys, as a parent I would never, ever punish my children the way the church says they’re going to…that God’s gonna punish or judge us or we’re going to have to go through this transformation. You know it’s just fear-based. It’s all for your base. Any political, any government entity, anyone in power, knows that fear is the best way to get people to move. You can see that from the whole experience, it’s all fear—fear based. When you have someone in a position of fear, you’re able to control them.

01-19-2023, 11:15 AM	#4
Nell Admin/Moderator Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 2,100	3 - FEAR BASED 3 - FEAR BASED That’s what this church does. It’s all fear-based. If you’re not an “overcomer”, if you don’t do “this”, if you don’t do “that”. It’s very subtle and it never sat right with me. I always felt like such an outcast in the church. I was like “I’m never going to be that kind of sister.” I’m never going to talk like “her”, be able to share like “her” in the meetings. I was always putting myself down. My confidence was so low in that group. I was always saying “I’m never going to be an ‘overcomer’.” I’m not good enough. I can’t read the Bible like this person. I can’t share like that person. You don’t realize it because it’s such a low lever in your subconscious. You’re constantly putting yourself down. It’s not a positive message. It’s always like they say it is, but it’s really not (positive). I’ve known so many people in my age group, specifically, were children of people that initially started these churches. And, you know, a lot of them have left..and no one even asks “why”. A lot of them, it’s all the same thing. We’ve seen the reality…it’s a bunch of BS. The people that are still in it are so brainwashed. I remember years ago when I was in this group, when any kind of video or something that came out on Facebook, it was “don’t watch it! Don’t listen to this! It’s poison!”

01-19-2023, 11:16 AM	#5
Nell Admin/Moderator Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 2,100	4 - ASKING QUESTIONS=POISON 4 - ASKING QUESTIONS=POISON Why is it poison? I’m questioning things…anyone should be able to question things…anyone should be able to speak out. What are they trying to cover up? They don’t want the truth to come out. I’ve had over 10 stories I could tell you right now. I’ll tell you a few of them. Oh countless, countless stories of abuse.

01-19-2023, 11:19 AM	#6
Nell Admin/Moderator Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 2,100	5 - COVER UP—SEXUAL ABUSE 5 - COVER UP—SEXUAL ABUSE Cover up sexual abuse. Cover up these guys still in the church, still have kids in their home, still have young people in their home. The elders KNOW they are doing things or have done things to kids…and no one’s doing anything about it. Home meetings in their homes…I know about this one older man and he did something terrible to a young person in high school and junior high and to several others that came forward that I found out about. He still has young Brothers in his home and he had been molesting the other ones back in the day and no one does anything about it. It’s all in the name of covering this brother or covering the situation, and to me it blows my mind! And my own family, have had a situation and one male in the family abused another person in the family. Our first instinct as a family, because at the time, we were all in the church, was to cover it up—don’t say anything! We need not to stumble the body. Just go away quietly. What is going on? That is horrible because, what if that person goes off and does it to another person…and we never reported it! There are legal things in the world for a reason! People like that are sick and they need to get help. I get it. The message is, if it happens in the world, it will happen in the church life. … I’ll tell you this much: the fact that the elders and the leading ones know about it and they don’t do anything about it, for the most part, makes me sick. I’ve had very close contact with several people, several young girls, college girls. So many people who live with these monstrosities of people that are still “in the meetings” and they (young girls) can’t meet because they’re so embarrassed, ashamed, scared to go to the meeting because these people (abusers) are still in the meetings…and no one cares. Another thing, … we have such judgmental characters, such elitist mentality in this group. I remember even myself. I’m speaking because I’ve had these thoughts. “It’s like, oh well, it’s degraded Christianity. They’re “below us”. “They” don’t know anything. We have the highest truth.

01-19-2023, 11:21 AM	#7
Nell Admin/Moderator Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 2,100	6 - THE HIGHEST TRUTH? 6 - THE HIGHEST TRUTH? Somehow this Asian man that died all of these years ago, he has the highest truth. Just him. … Doesn’t it sound like every other cult that’s ever existed? This one guy happens to get the truth? He gets inspired by God and he writes all of this stuff and no one questions it? No one even looks back into anything ever? How are we supposed to just trust this one? These two guys? That’s the only stuff that we read? No one welcomes any other authors into the church? You can’t speak about other authors in the meetings? You can’t question anything in the meetings? Anyone I’ve ever known that’s questioned things or has done anything like I’m doing, their reputation gets tarnished. They get cut off completely. In Austin, an elder who totally lied about a whole situation and we talked to the victim. She told us a whole different story. I knew she was telling the truth…she got totally exiled. There are so many cover-ups going on, it’s ridiculous. I’m sorry to those of you that are still in this group and don’t see it. I was one of those people not long ago. I understand how deep the brainwashing goes. People say “when you speak out, bad things happen to you” or “you touch the body, you touch the ark.” I’m not doing any of those things. I’m just telling you facts. A God that really, truly loves somebody would never harm them. I’m a mother, I have four boys. I would never, ever, punish my children because they are human… A real God won’t punish anybody and will not throw them into judgment or cast them into Eternal whatever for a thousand years and make them sufer because they were human and made mistakes.

01-19-2023, 11:22 AM	#8
Nell Admin/Moderator Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 2,100	7 - MENTAL HEALTH – SPIRITUAL ABUSE 7 - MENTAL HEALTH – SPIRITUAL ABUSE That is a story I refuse to believe and base so much off of this “Overcomer” stuff…it blows my mind. No one should have to suffer thinking they’re never going to be an overcome and just live their life. Another thing, you’re constantly contradicting your own self. It’s like putting down the flesh. Your soul is good for nothing. Your mind, our minds are powerful, beautiful things. Our soul is a beautiful thing…it’s made to express things God put in us. Why would we put ourselves down? Why would we constantly be saying that our flesh is good for nothing? God made us a certain way, with gifts and abilities, for a reason. It is a self-loathing we’re “good for nothing” message, and puts people into a depressive state. There are so many people with mental health issues in this group—more than average groups out there. It’s insane. I have seen countless people (who are) depressed, suicidal. I have gone through some horrible things with people that were close to me that have gone through some mental issues and were extremely spiritually based. The mental thoughts they went through because of the brainwashing this group puts you through. I know no one likes to say the “c” word, but this is a cult. It’s not such an obvious cult like other cults where they are drinking blood and whatnot. This is a cold, a very evil cold, and there’s some very terrible things that happen in this group and if you’re still in it…there’s other people you can talk to that have gotten out. I’ll tell you first hand, I have never felt more free, more relieved, in my entire life. I feel like a load has been lifted off me, since I’ve left. I don’t feel this constant pressure of how I need to be and what I need to act like. All of the criteria. They don’t talk about what the “overcomer” is, but there are all these other criteria. You only read this one author and you have to dress and speak a certain way. They don’t tell you it’s a slow transition as to how they want you to be. It’s very robotic. When I even see people communicate online through these groups that are in the church, it makes my stomach hurt. It’s disgusting. I’m not some heathen now…out in the “world” doing what ever I want. I’m living a really good life. I’m living a very moral life. I enjoy my life right now and it’s been a fantastic opportunity. God has taken me out of this group and he’s given me an amazing life and nothing bad has come out of it.

01-19-2023, 11:23 AM	#9
Nell Admin/Moderator Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 2,100	8 - MORE FEAR BASED PRACTICES 8 - MORE FEAR BASED PRACTICES If you’re afraid to leave because you think horrible things will happen to you, it’s not true. He doesn’t want you to be tortured or to suffer. He wants to love you and show that there’s more than this group. I met one girl—I knew her for over 10 years. She’s my age, in her 30’s. She never had children, never been married. I told her “hey, why don’t you just try to date and see who’s out there?” She replied “Oh no! I could never, ever, date anyone outside of the church life. I know that they’ll take me out of it.” So what’s her alternative? She has to stay in the church forever and be single—not have children because—heaven forbid—she goes to find a man that’s not in the church, that could treat her right. It’s insane to me. I have been in countless groups of married women talking about the abuse they’re receiving from their husbands, but they can’t say anything because they have to “cover their husbands”. It blows my mind! All the morality and all the logic here just goes out window, under the name and guise of the “covering of God”.

01-19-2023, 11:25 AM	#10
Nell Admin/Moderator Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 2,100	9 - SITUATION CONTROL BY THE LEADERSHIP 9 - SITUATION CONTROL BY THE LEADERSHIP The whole system is set in place where if there’s an “issue”, you go to the leading brothers. They can control the situation from there. They’re not God! We are replacing God with these guys. They are not God! If there’s an issue and he goes straight to the source and talk to them, why would he talk to the leading brothers? That is not a good place. They should not have to be interfering anyway. I could go on and on.

01-19-2023, 11:26 AM	#11
Nell Admin/Moderator Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 2,100	10 – CONCLUSION 10 – CONCLUSION Maybe I'll make another video at one point but I just wanted to put this out there and get it off my chest because it's been something that's been on my heart for a long time and I know that if I see something, if it affects and helps one person, I’ll feel good about it so if you’re listening and for some reason this resonates with you and you feel in your heart, don’t let your mind talk you out of it. It means something. It means you’re trying to get out of this group. It’s a bondage to be in this group. You will feel a lot more free and good things will come…I promise.