Closing My 17 Years Chapter In The Lord’s Recovery

As Posted at GoogleDocs

Closing My 17 Years Chapter In The Lord’s Recovery
April 20, 2022

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. - Eph 5:11

In order to witness what I have seen and heard, I’m going to take a different approach in closing my 17 years chapter in the Lord’s Recovery: to unashamedly speak up for Christ my King, for the silenced, for the marginalized, and for the victims suffering in a toxic church system.

The arrival to this decision is recent, but the inception began in my 4th term of bible school as I was burdened and fellowshipped about starting a blog on mental health support for young people and saints in the Lord’s Recovery. When I delved into the social and cultural issues surrounding the unhealthy mental state of saints in the Recovery, I found out this would just be a Band-Aid for a more serious, systemic cultural problem in the local churches in this part of North America.

Whenever an attack happened to the Recovery, I appreciated hearing the update of the situation at conferences and trainings. It didn’t sit right with me, however, why we had to speak negatively about our enemies. During the turmoil in my locality I was an observer; later on I stumbled on more poison online, but I didn’t think much of it because I knew humankind is fallen and that God is transforming us to be His Bride. But I observed a pattern that led me to a question: why is there so much drama when leaving the Recovery? Why is there a spirit of judging people who leave. And why is it that the people who leave experience trauma and PTSD. Does the problem lie with them or with us?

I recognized that to be pragmatic, a church needs a structure of hierarchy. So we have names for that—serving ones, full timers, elders, coworkers, blending brothers, etc. But far too often I hear the phrase “you must submit to the elders”. Submission is not used with members. It is used in the context of the Head who alone is Jesus Christ. In addition, those who take the lead to be apostles, prophets, evangelists, shepherds and teachers also should not be applied in a hierarchical context. The teacher at the children’s meeting, the member who prophesies on Lord’s Day, and the speaking brothers are all equal. But somehow we have embraced leadership and hierarchy, and the end result in some localities is a high power distance culture and a marginalized priesthood of believers.

I love calling on the Lord, I love pray-reading, I love the rich hymns in the Recovery, but I hate the sin of the abuse of power and the misuse of authority. We already experience enough in this world. When it comes to our submission to deputy authority, such as with designated brothers, I’m reminded again that I submit to Christ, the Head and that our Lord did not come to be served, but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many. This implies a spirit of a learner and humility. If God’s deputy authority suffers from narcissism or a weakness of greed, or any traits that would tempt them to misuse their position for self gain, they no longer reflect God’s heart. Not only is it damaging to submit to this authoritarian figure, the hierarchical structure is a stronghold for anyone in position. When someone who does not have a position does not submit to this hierarchy, they become defenseless and powerless. It is abusing power and misusing God’s authority.

Moreover there is unfortunately a system of Christian patriarchy in this church. The Christian patriarchy is not a command of God rather it is rooted in ancient pagan patriarchy–it is a result of Sin after the fall. As I am writing this, I worry that a male church leader would appear at my door. Why the fear? Why do I fear church men like this? Because I observed that people in this church especially male leaders, incite fear and intimidation to their fellow church members. The Word says there is no slave nor free man, no male and female. Yet here as a member of Christ’s body, I experience fear towards the older men and I feel I'm treated as a lesser human because of my sex.

Sisters are encouraged to pray and serve. I hear the calling Sisters we need your portion in the meetings. Why not also say Husbands please help your wives mop the floor and wash the dishes. Ask your wife how is she doing. If in these saints’ minds, it is expected that sisters are to unconditionally serve their husbands and maintain this subservient role in the home, and only serve as the nursing mothers of the church, what will the constitution of the one new man be? Why do many sisters feel unheard or even silenced when they bring matters to the Church. Do we see sisters as persons with qualities beyond “housewife”, “mom”, and “weaker vessel”? Do we see that God also gave women spiritual gifts that are as equally as significant as a brother’s spiritual gift? We know the instrumental impact of sisters like Peace Wang and M. E. Barber, yet why are some sisters portrayed as threats to those with authority? Why are some sisters recognized and some sisters feel they are unrecognized in their role? Is it because those sisters who are recognized conveniently fit this patriarchal narrative? As long as this patriarchal ideology exists, any women called by God will be confronted and conflicted by this system.

From the age of 12, I was consciously aware that my female body is perceived as a kind of temptation and a distraction in this Christian community. Sisters are strongly taught to dress modestly in order to not be a distraction to the brothers. In the long-term, this not only encourages brothers to separate the sister's face from her body, but sisters are motivated by shame to be biblically modest. Regrettably this leads the brothers to objectify a sister’s body and the sisters to self-objectify her own body. Did Christ ever treat a person solely based on their physicality or sexuality? I know so many sisters who have been extremely hurt because rather than seeing her as a person with integrity, she was seen and treated as a weaker person and an objectified woman. And if for instance a brother is unable to control himself because he saw a sister’s thigh or a bra-strap, can that behaviour really be considered normal? Can the church really be considered a safe place for children and families? What will happen to these young men when they grow up and are in positions of power. What damaging behaviours are we cultivating when we objectify and ignorantly disrespect any person's body, including any woman's body which was purposefully created by God for the glory of God.

As a Chinese born Canadian, I can say that in some localities there is an overwhelming Chinese culture. If you didn’t know, Chinese culture operates based on honour and shame. Individuals are programmed to save face at all cost. When I fellowshipped regarding an important practical church-related matter, this person was very understanding and gave their approval to make the changes, yet after discussing with another party, this person felt obliged to change their mind and it led to a huge miscommunication. When it comes to making decisions, they will say or do things not based on what is right or wrong or what is the best, but what will save and preserve their reputation. The truth is important, but should it bring upon shame to the community, it should be swept under the rug. Any threat to honour will be met with unreasonable aggressive behaviour. Hence loyalty is a strong trait and shame is a strong weapon.

I’m not sure why public humiliation occurs in some trainings and in the Full-Time Training in Anaheim. Maybe because of this honour-shame culture it seems more "acceptable". I also found the “bully podium” unnecessary at conferences. Why not take the initiative to respectfully express your disagreement to the person in privacy. I can only imagine leaders are desperately needing to defend someone’s honour, which is an honourable thing. But if that is the case, at what cost? Crossing ethical boundaries, marring God's image, stumbling the weaker members and taking advantage of them, inflicting torment and irreversible psychological damage to God's precious vessels? “There is a movement among evangelical writers to address the issue of ‘spiritual abuse,’ within the Christian church today, which can take many forms: misuse of positions by church leaders, the misuse of Scripture to promote fear and obedience to certain leaders, claims of divine authority, and pressure to retain secrecy and silence. And, pastors themselves can be victimized by other church leaders” (Christianitytoday.com). The situation in the Recovery is no different to the challenges facing Christianity today. Although other believers may not have our big bravado ministry, we are becoming like Laodicea. Not all the saints, but many of us are very arrogant towards other believers, and some convincing ourselves we will be the overcomers when that is up to God’s judgement.

I understand there may be a generation gap and as I mentioned before undealt expressions of the all-inclusive old man, but after concluding that we are the problem, I’m ready to move on and to be partnered with wiser, safer people who love all humans and are for God's heart. I believe anyone who leaves the Recovery wounded, including the ex local church members who are opposing the Recovery, are the “fruits” of this system. Rather than this being an attack, this is an important feedback for the next generation and the future of the Lord's Recovery.

I’m not encouraging individuals to leave the Recovery, especially if it is a place of safety and a community for you in your locality. However for those who have been silenced and are suffering from abuse or mistreatment, this is a letter for you to consider privately and personally. Have you realized that the compelling reason for why God incarnated Himself to be a human was love? Jesus Christ suffered for us, died, defeated death and claimed victory over Satan, sin, and this world was so that He would be the Father's gate for His sheep to enter by; and to know that the ones who enter by the gate are the true shepherds of the sheep. That persons like you and I, have the choice to be saved and the choice to be set free from the way leading to death; and to be led by the Good Shepherd to lead others on the way leading to life. That because of this unearthly love you and the world would be wholly set free from being enslaved by the oppressive system of Sin. This is the gospel Jesus came to speak.

With love,
Esther

*You have permission to share this to your friends, Christians, and community to encourage awareness about topics of hierarchical leadership, patriarchy, objectification, authoritarianism, and mental health stigmatization
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[Nell]

Esther,

Your post should be required reading for anyone who has ever had anything to do with the LC. It may be one of the clearest assessments I’ve read. Thanks.

If you’re interested, we would love to have you come onto the private sisters Mary and Martha topic and discuss your excellent comments on women in the LC and the church generally.

Email me at reg4lcd@gmail.com and I will create an “Esther” account for you.

Thanks again—
Nell

[Ohio]

Well articulated analysis of the so-called Recovery! Thank you for your courageous faith, Esther.

Couple points. As I left during the Ohio "quarantines," a brother shared with me privately a simple revelation the Lord had given him - "there is no love in Laodicea." So true!

LSM loves to speak of "God's Economy" using I Timothy 1.5, but please read that verse again. "Pray-read" if you like. Notice the heart of Apostle Paul to brother Timothy: "the goal of this charge is love out of a pure heart, out of a good conscience, and out of unfeigned faith."

They can give conferences on the love of God, yet display none to the saints, rather they will mandate endless legalistic rules and ordinances. Instead of a good conscience, void of offense, they will lie and deceive in order to coverup leadership failures and abuses. Instead of unfeigned faith, they promote a man-pleasing system of public performances using the teachings of WL.

[Bible-believer]

Originally Posted by Esther

As a Chinese born Canadian, I can say that in some localities there is an overwhelming Chinese culture. If you didn’t know, Chinese culture operates based on honour and shame.

Hi, Esther,
I can relate to your feeling. I am a Chinese-born American living in two different cultures. And that's why I said that Chinese saints suffer even more in the Lord's Recovery, especially, females. I have seen sisters suffer from their husbands because of "submissions." And their daughters repelled attending meetings for their two-faced dads, and the community murmured about those husbands' reputations.
I have seen sisters working in the Anaheim DCP department suffering mentally. A sister asked for help from the elders with her domestic violence, and the answer was "she" was the problem. A widowed brother pursued a widowed sister and got married, but the brother was not willing to register for marriage because he wanted to get the pension of her late wife.....All these were covered up. Gradually, sisters accepted (or say brain-washed flatly) “they” were the problem.

[Nell]

Esther gave us a link to an article on Google Docs. This is an interesting list of questions to ask yourself. Many who read and post here have expressed one or more of these numbered items as their way of life in the Local Church Of Witness Lee.

Again, thank you Esther.

To repeat the closing paragraph below:
You might be thinking: "I wonder how many out of these should apply to me in order for me to determine that I am abused."

No! If just one of these applies to you, then it is possible that you are in an abusive relationship with your church. All it takes is one of them to apply for you to be the victim of abuse.


SPIRITUAL and EMOTIONAL ABUSE TEST by David Hayward

This is a short questionnaire to help you determine whether or not you are or were a part of an abusive church community. However, just to make it flow better, this test is written from the perspective that you are still in a church. If you are no longer in a church, you can determine whether or not the church you left was in fact abusive.

1. Do you feel nervous when you go to church?
2. Are you extra careful with how you behave so as not to make other members or the church leadership upset?
3. Do you feel obligated or coerced into doing things for the church?
4. Are you afraid of expressing a different opinion than the church leadership?
5. Does the church leadership make you feel ashamed, embarrassed, or that you are a disappointment, and sometimes do this to you in front of other members?
6. Does the church leadership seem to check up on what you are doing, or require you to confess your activities, and generally seem suspicious of your answers?
7. Does the church communicate that you would be disloyal and a betrayer if you considered leaving?
8. Does the church promise better treatment, favors and responsibilities if you conform to its expectations?
9. Does the church seem to motivate you to isolate yourself to the point where you are losing touch with friends and family outside of your church and all your primary relationships are inside the church?
10. Does the church's attitude and behavior towards you make you feel as if you've done something wrong?
11. Does the church ever use threats, including spiritual ones, to motivate you?
12. Do you always feel like you are hiding important parts of your personality to please the church in order to avoid being hurt?
13. Does your church communicate its expectations in order to keep you from doing things that you normally would want to do?
14. Do you always feel that nothing you do is ever good enough for your church?
15. Does your church suggest that if you try to leave, you are jeopardizing your future and will never see the fulfillment of your promises or destiny, or that you will harm your family if you leave?
16. Does your church say that if you try to leave, that will be damaging your reputation or jeopardizing the church's mission?
17. If you challenge your church, is there always an excuse for its behavior? ("We were lead by the Holy Spirit." "The whole leadership was in agreement." "You just don't understand.")
18. Do you hide your questions about your church by lying to your family and friends about your sadness, depression, confusion or frustration?

I might have a surprise for you.

You might be thinking: "I wonder how many out of these should apply to me in order for me to determine that I am abused."

No! If just one of these applies to you, then it is possible that you are in an abusive relationship with your church. All it takes is one of them to apply for you to be the victim of abuse.

(For the full pdf click here)