Questions and Concerns for Current and Former LC Members

[Curious]

Dear 'Trapped',

Like Nell, I feel the same for you and the harm done to you. So I'm going to give my 2 cents worth.

I'm glad you are sensitive to the implication that you should repent for something you in no way need to repent of. That would exactly perpetuate the abuse and its absolutely healthy that you reject it.

Something I never intended to do was talk about my own bad experiences on this forum. I intended to sit on the sidelines and sound clever and be a detached know-it-all. I'm good at that normally!

However I feel moved to speak on a personal level again.

I had some special Christian counselling/prayer ministry to get me through the abuse that happened in my life. There are parallels between what happened to me and what happens in the LC, except I also was 'blessed' with a couple of broken rib bones, head injuries etc. However, in the main it was spiritual and psychological abuse, which I always thought to be worse and more powerfully harmful than the physical.

The process of prayer ministry I subjected myself to, and still believe very firmly in, required repentance and forgiveness as necessary for the pathway of emotional and spiritual healing. However, the understanding I gained as to what that meant enabled me to repent within a framework of understanding that made it an actual pleasure to renounce and revoke any and all allegiance to the (in my case) passivity that had allowed such misery and mistreatment. It was somehow a clear way of saying 'this was all wrong, I should not have had to suffer this. I was deceived into thinking God required it, and it was a horrible lie. I can let this all go now! Yippeee!'

It was empowering and faith building for me to renounce things I hated at the time and didn't want to have anything to do with anyway. Like you, it was forced upon me, we can't repent of the other person or people's bad choices. But 'repenting' in this circumstance is more a recognition of placing God in sovereignty in our life as a deliberate decision and recognising it would never be His choice to submit us to this abuse.

To further explain, it's an acknowledgement of my vulnerability to having been deceived in a bigger picture and impersonal way. I was born a sinner and prone to deception. I was born into a system of error/neglect etc that I didn't choose because of that same vulnerability existing in those that brought me into this world. There's no shame in that worse than any other aspect of being born a sinner, (in fact, less shame as this truly wasn't our fault, but the fault of the power of sin in this world and in those around us). Renouncing the ways that has hurt me was a huge relief only and not a rubbing-my-nose-in-it exercise.

To conclude, I feel that part of repentance is just that God wants us to acknowledge that we can't do it on our own. Those who hurt us were making that mistake, (even though couched in twisted religious thinking). Without us actively seeking His guidance we all get ourselves into a pickle and sin hurts us when it comes from others, as well as our own sin hurts ourselves and others. Repentance is a choice to let go of faith in ourselves and have faith in God instead, trusting His love for us. Humility is the walking out of this trust in Him in place of trusting ourselves. Being sinners makes us vulnerable to all of this from the outset. That's how I see it and have for a long time now.

I see from your posts that you have great insight and perspective, and you express these very well and clearly. Your wisdom, forged through the trails of abuse and injustice are treasure that exists within you, and are of great worth. I hope what I have shared from my own journey is in some way helpful to you.