Marriage advice

I'm a 22 year old brother in the local churches. I was looking for some advice on marriage. I've heard some horror stories about how some (not all) elder brothers have interfered with certain courtships between some brothers and sisters, leading to some forced marriages, brewing unhappiness between both sides, inevitably ending in divorce.

I'm adamant to admit anything about marriage to anyone yet because of this. My parents often bring up the question time and time again, with which I always try to evade saying "I'm interested in so-and-so" or "I haven't met the right person yet." I feel a bit guilty since I'm giving my parents false hope, as I'm considering celibacy.

My reason for celibacy is because I have same sex attraction to guys. I've had this attraction since I was 11. I'm extremely alone on this matter, and have yet to mention it to anyone, apart from an online stranger I've confided in. I don't think I could handle the rejection, being ostracised or the gossip by other saints if I open up to them.

At this stage I fear that I'll be alone when I'm older, and the reality that no one will look after me if I ever fall ill. My mother also expresses the same worries to me almost daily.

I was hoping someone could possibly give me guidance or some advice on how to navigate this? I worry that I'll eventually succumb to negative thoughts being alone, and result to self-harm since I've read cases about it happening to people in similar situations. But I'm also afraid of caving into expectations put up by my parents, and settling in a marriage where me and my wife won't truly happy. As for taking away the possibility of starting a family from someone, who wishes it.