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Old 04-20-2020, 06:23 PM   #1
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Default Humor (keep it reasonably clean)

Sometimes this forum gets too serious except when Cal turns his satire bone loose. In my family, there is an extremely long text thread that is heavily jokes. Someone started math jokes a few years ago. Lately, it has been Covid-19 humor.

Let's Use this space for humor. Jokes, pics, links to videos, etc.

Leave the politics out. Everyone needs to think of it as funny (unless they just don't get it).
Keep it clean.

I'll start in the next post.
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Old 04-20-2020, 06:34 PM   #2
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Default Re: Mongols at the Gates

With all the discussions about whether the current steps to slow the growth in Covid-19 are really necessary, someone asked if anyone ever had this kind of situation in the past. After some digging, it seem that there is at least one example.

It went something like this:
"Man, we've got to open the gates!"

"We've been through this, Phil. The Mongols are still outside."

"But I've got to harvest my turnips."

"MONGOLS, Phil"

"Ugh. But we've been in here for WEEKS."

"That's how sieges work, Phil."

"But the Mongols have barely killed anyone in days."

"That's because of the walls, Phil."

"Are you sure? Maybe the Mongols aren't that dangerous. . . . I'm just saying, how bad could it be. They can't kill ALL of us."

"That's precisely what the Mongols do."

"But my turnips . . . ."
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Old 04-20-2020, 06:34 PM   #3
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Default Rules of Life

There are three unwritten rules of life:

1.

2.

3.
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Old 04-20-2020, 06:35 PM   #4
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Default Re: Humor (keep it reasonably clean)

OK. Pathetic examples. But when you find something you like, throw it in.
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Old 04-21-2020, 08:50 PM   #5
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Default Re: Humor (keep it reasonably clean)

A woman became pregnant as a teenager. She gave birth to identical twin boys, and though she loved them both, she chose to put them up for adoption.

One boy was adopted by a Mideastern couple, who name him Amahl. The other was adopted by a Hispanic couple, who name him Juan.

Years later the woman married. One day she received a letter from one of the boys, Juan, along with a picture of him. She was so excited and pleased.

Even so, she said to her husband, "Oh, but I wish I could have a picture of Amahl, too!"

"What are you talking about?" her husband replied. "They are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."


(Might have to say it out loud.)
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Old 04-24-2020, 01:19 PM   #6
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Default Re: Humor (keep it reasonably clean)

Quote:
Originally Posted by OBW View Post
Sometimes this forum gets too serious — except when Cal turns his satire bone loose. In my family, there is an extremely long text thread that is heavily jokes. Someone started math jokes a few years ago. Lately, it has been Covid-19 humor.

Let's Use this space for humor. Jokes, pics, links to videos, etc.

Leave the politics out. Everyone needs to think of it as funny (unless they just don't get it).
Keep it clean.

I'll start in the next post.
How do we leave politics out of humor? Is that like always avoiding religion and politics?

That's like leaving my wife out of dinner.


But let me recommend the Babylon Bee. Hard to beat their humor.
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Old 04-25-2020, 11:12 AM   #7
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Default Re: Humor (keep it reasonably clean)

I understand. But if we put politics in, then there will be arguments over the content. Right now there is a plethora of Lysol injection humor and I'm sure that some will find it aggravating.

But if you are game, we could include some and see how it goes.
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Old 04-25-2020, 11:14 AM   #8
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Default Re: Humor (keep it reasonably clean)

Where did the Terminator find Toilet Paper?

Aisle B, back.
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Old 04-25-2020, 11:17 AM   #9
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Default Re: CV-19

If you need 144 rolls of TP for one month, you needed to see a doctor long ago.
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Old 04-25-2020, 07:11 PM   #10
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Default Re: CV-19

Okay, really dumb joke....


A guy was in a buffet line. Suddenly he began to rub spinach in his hair.

The man next to him asked, "Why are you rubbing spinach in your hair?!"

"Spinach?!" he said, "I thought it was mayonnaise!"
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Old 05-12-2020, 06:53 AM   #11
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Default Re: Humor (keep it reasonably clean)

Scene cut from Back to the Future:

Doc Brown: Marty, there are a few rules to remember when setting the time machine.

Marty: Yeah. Like what?

Doc Brown: The first rule is, never set the machine to the year 2020.
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Old 10-03-2020, 06:48 PM   #12
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Default Re: Rules of Life

Quote:
Originally Posted by OBW View Post
There are three unwritten rules of life:

1.

2.

3.
Great! I love this.
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