Chin up :)

Hello, my friends.

I discovered this forum a couple of months ago, and as I made my way through many of the threads, I began to feel a great weight lift off of my shoulders. I wasn’t so alone anymore.

I feel a kinship with many of you, and I want to thank you for sharing your voices and your hearts here. You’ve given me the bravery to share my own.

I’m here with what I hope will be words of encouragement. This post is for anyone who is struggling, doubting, grieving, aching. Maybe you are still in the church life, but have questions or issues. Maybe you have been hurt and abused by your fellow believers or by the culture and religiosity around you. Maybe you have already walked away, or you’re in the middle of leaving, or you’re tired and confused and don’t know what to do anymore.

Wherever you are, know that you are on a journey that is sacred and valuable. Know that it's 100% okay to struggle and wrestle. Know that you're not alone--at least one stranger on the Internet has your back! Also, give yourself some credit for the work you’re putting in. (I mean, you made it all the way to this forum. Come on!)

I can’t tell you that the pilgrimage into the wilderness is easy. It’s not. For me, leaving the place that truly was a beloved home to me for 7 years has been the hardest decision of my young adult life. My faith collapsed, and with it, much of my community. Meaningful, deep-rooted relationships were lost. My identity fractured. And I was crushed under the weight of too many heavy words spoken from podiums and written in ministry books. That someone like me was a backslider, a lost sheep, a dissenter, a sister who couldn’t get out of her emotions, an idealist instead of a visionary, etc. This psychological pain has been the most difficult to work through.

As someone who is now on the other side—recently, I might add…my exit process took several months, and my final decision to leave came only in July—I want to tell you there is hope. My own experience, while painful, has ultimately been one of grace and healing. I’m now in a different city, making new friends, and rebuilding my relationship with God one day at a time. I'd like to get back to church one day, but I'm taking it slow and easy at this point.

Whether you choose to stay or go, don’t lose heart. If you stay, I wish for so much peace and joy for you in your continued church life experience. And if you go, let me say this. Contrary to what you may have heard, there is a future for you. Your life is not over. Outer darkness is not waiting to consume you.

God loves you, even more than you can imagine. He is with you always, every step of the way.