Spouse In The Local Church - How Do You Handle It?

08-19-2019, 02:07 PM

I feel uneasy even posting this, but my heart is heavy these last few days, especially after reading Joanna's thread. I was in the local church over 30 years. My husband is still deeply in it although he graciously comes with me to a local church near us. I am grateful for that.

I can't believe the things that have happened in these last few years in the LC. The early years were nothing like this. I know this has to be the Lord's work to open his eyes. I have spoken very little to him about it but it's hard to be quiet and not get all rattled about it. My husband is a wonderful man. I just do not get it. I have gone to the Lord many times over this. Speaking to my husband only makes it worse.

There must be many out there who have spouses still in the LC. How do you handle it?

Hannah · 08-19-2019, 03:12 PM

My husband and I were both raised in the church, in 2 different localities. I left the church before we got married, nearly 12 years ago and he remained team LC, for lack of a better word. ��

Things were contentious the first few years we were married. I was adamant about not meeting with the LC, that it would crush my soul. He was steadfast in the church, or at least the idea of it. After a few years we agreed not to talk about church in general and conversations about faith were kept very short. He rarely believed my negative experiences nor did he think the LC could do wrong. LSM was just a publishing company, nothing more, nothing less. The LC had the high truths, so why go else where.

I went to my dad, he had been a co-worker/full-time for nearly 30 years, but had stopped meeting himself years prior. He is who I went to over this. In my mind I was supposed to follow my husband. Although, he was rarely going to meetings, in large part due to his work schedule. Spouses are "supposed" to be together. He told me "you need only listen to the Lords speaking in your heart."

Over the years my husband would come to church with me periodically. 2 years ago he began coming regularly but still told me he preferred the LC. Last fall, it all changed. He is done!!

It's no small thing that your husband is willing to go to church with you from time to time.

I will tell you the same thing my dad told me "follow the speaking in your heart."

My heart is with yours. Feel free to reach out in a private message if you want to connect further.

boughtbyJesus · 08-19-2019, 03:32 PM

Although I was never involved in The Local Church because I never bought into anything they proclaimed/said, my husband unfortunately, is very involved and continues to meet with them for the last several years. It's been extremely difficult, to say the least, to have a spouse who refuses to hear anything you have to say about church, God, or the Christian life/walk in general. My two children and I have been attending a sound, bible-teaching-preaching church not far from our home for the last five years now. I'm sad to say we just don't talk about much anymore because he is always so angry, that anything I say can lead to a huge blowout. He refuses to hear anything I have to say about pretty much anything, calls me a "rebelious wife" and tells me I'm under the wrong head, that I don't like to submit, that I'm divisive, etc. All the hurtful phrases this cult has brainwashed him with, which is why we don't speak much. It's a sad and difficult situation, and I pray God will work in his heart and open his eyes to see and ears to hear the truth. In the meantime I wait and try to bear with this very heavy burden praying that The Lord will give me the grace and strengeth to persevere in this. Wishing you the best!

Cal · 08-19-2019, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boughtbyJesus

He refuses to hear anything I have to say about pretty much anything, calls me a "rebelious wife" and tells me I'm under the wrong head, that I don't like to submit, that I'm divisive, etc. All the hurtful phrases this cult has brainwashed him with, which is why we don't speak much. It's a sad and difficult situation, and I pray God will work in his heart and open his eyes to see and ears to hear the truth. In the meantime I wait and try to bear with this very heavy burden praying that The Lord will give me the grace and strengeth to persevere in this. Wishing you the best!

I'm so sorry to hear this all-too-common story.

I attended a daily prayer meeting. I will lead the group in prayer for you this week, not only for grace for you, but for sight for your husband.

Ohio · 08-19-2019, 04:50 PM

I was a devout defender of the LC for 25+ years, thru thick and thin, and then the GLA quarantine happened. Actually the official Whistler ITERO Kangaroo Court against Titus Chu, was much later, but for those serving in the GLA LC's, the writing was on the wall much earlier. Storm clouds were brewing on the horizon for decades.

The Lord led me to study our "spiritual forbears," the Exclusive Brethren. I read all I could find online about their first division, considering the GLA excommunication to be our "first." I was basically shocked. WL told us they were Philadelphia, with brotherly love, and love for the Lord and His word. They may have started that way, but it sure ended fast. We had become just like them! Exclusivism was a disease! It ain't pretty. There is no love in Laodicea! As I began to examine who we were, many things from our past came back to mind. The old Bereans forum caught my attention and for the first time I was reading the "other side of the story." I saw abuse everywhere -- national, regional, local, in the homes -- so contrary to the love of God. I thought, "this program turns beloved brothers into bullies."

As a man, we derive much of our worth and our identity from our work, and those who serve in the LC's are wedded to their work. Leaving the LC takes away part of who you are. I was willing to suffer the loss of all things on behalf of Christ and the church. I could lose everything else, but not this. Leaving is not easy. In fact, I know a few brothers, like myself, who left the LC because of all the hypocrisy. Then what do we do? Who do we minister to? Where can we function? It's a difficult dilemma, which I understand too. Some then went back to the LC.

I'm sure your husband confronts these same issues. He longs to believe what LSM promises. He wants to believe things will improve. He hopes the early days will once again return. But they won't.

HERn · 08-19-2019, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boughtbyJesus

Although I was never involved in The Local Church because I never bought into anything they proclaimed/said, my husband unfortunately, is very involved and continues to meet with them for the last several years. It's been extremely difficult, to say the least, to have a spouse who refuses to hear anything you have to say about church, God, or the Christian life/walk in general. My two children and I have been attending a sound, bible-teaching-preaching church not far from our home for the last five years now. I'm sad to say we just don't talk about much anymore because he is always so angry, that anything I say can lead to a huge blowout. He refuses to hear anything I have to say about pretty much anything, calls me a "rebelious wife" and tells me I'm under the wrong head, that I don't like to submit, that I'm divisive, etc. All the hurtful phrases this cult has brainwashed him with, which is why we don't speak much. It's a sad and difficult situation, and I pray God will work in his heart and open his eyes to see and ears to hear the truth. In the meantime I wait and try to bear with this very heavy burden praying that The Lord will give me the grace and strengeth to persevere in this. Wishing you the best!

Dear sister I am so sorry to hear of your suffering. May the Lord hear your prayer and soften your husband. It is much harder for a wife to lead a husband out of the Recovery, than for a husband to lead a wife out. Be wise as a serpent but as harmless as a dove. Defend your and your children's health and lives, while praying that your husband softens. Find some non-LC sisters to share with. The Lord cares for you.

08-20-2019, 07:41 AM

First of all let me assure you that you are not alone! There are probably quite a number of saints on this forum that are either in the same situation or have gone through it in the past. Many a marriage has fallen apart over these kinds of situations, and yes, it is heartbreaking.

My spouse and I came into the Local Church in early college years in the 1970s. We both got "love bombed" at a Sat evening gospel meeting and moved into our respective brothers and sisters houses within months of coming to our fist meeting. We were already very much in love but were told not to see each other on a one-to-one basis. Of course we both went along with "the brothers". We did eventually get married after getting the brothers approval of course.

We both did the Local Church thing of going to 6-8 meetings a week while finishing school and starting a family. We were in the Southern California area so naturally we got to have the privilege of sitting at brother Lee's feet for dozens upon dozens of conferences, trainings, ministry station and perfecting meetings every year for many, many years. By the beginnings of "the New Way" I was starting to get burned out. My wife was too but still kept going full blast. Then came the "turmoil" with John Ingalls, Bill Malon and all the other brothers who decided that enough was enough. It took me another few years to finally call it quits with the LC. But my spouse wouldn't budge.

So essentially we learned how to stay out of each others way. I went to my church and my spouse went to the LC meetings. Our kids went to Childrens meeting at the LC but like most 2nd generation kids they escaped the LC as soon as they possibly could. Both of them became cold to the Lord as well. Later I found out that the vast majority of these 2nd generation kids have nothing to do with the LC, and many have left the faith altogether. Come to find out, this is a very common phenomenon in the Recovery. Sad but truth.

So how do I handle it? I pray. I hope. I cry. I just keep going forward and trust in the Lord. What else can we do?

aron · 08-20-2019, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keep going forward

Our kids went to Childrens meeting at the LC but like most 2nd generation kids they escaped the LC as soon as they possibly could. Both of them became cold to the Lord as well. Later I found out that the vast majority of these 2nd generation kids have nothing to do with the LC, and many have left the faith altogether. Come to find out, this is a very common phenomenon in the Recovery. Sad but truth.

Yes it is a common phenomenon. Not publicized by the LSM and not tabulated by the rank-and-file saints (if they publicly noted it they'd get in trouble for "being negative"), but the vast majority of 2nd gen have nothing to do with the LC, or even God for that matter. At least the Caucasians that I know of - their culture is more to test and 'rebel' and experiment. And when you test the LC it collapses almost immediately. Ironic that their parents the 1st gen LC'ers came in because they rejected the 'old' patterns in established Christianity! Now their progeny are supposed to be mindless robots!?! Dream on!

Asian progeny are more likely to stay connected due to familial obligations, but even many of those keep a "healthy distance" between themselves and the LC. They give the LC meeting an hour on Sunday morning, then live their own lives.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keep going forward

So how do I handle it? I pray. I hope. I cry. I just keep going forward and trust in the Lord. What else can we do?

You know, it can all change in a moment. Keep going forward. God is good.

countmeworthy · 08-20-2019, 10:06 PM

May l make a prayer suggestion? It is to pray
“Father God. May Your perfect Will be done in my marriage (or in whatever trying situation you may be going through)

Draw us near and dear to You. Cover us with the Blood of Jesus. Place a hedge of protection around us and do not let any weapon get near us that is aimed at destroying or crippling us. With a heart filled with gratitude and thanksgiving for receiving the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart O Lord, my Strength and my Redeemer, l give You Praise, Honor and Glory that You are so Worthy of. Thank You Father God, Lord Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit for never leaving us or forsaking us. You began a good work in us, in fact a almost excellent work in us and You are going to finish it. Glory to Your Holy Name now and forever and ever. Amen.

Cal · 08-21-2019, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keep going foward

So how do I handle it? I pray. I hope. I cry. I just keep going forward and trust in the Lord. What else can we do?

That's it. He said his grace is sufficient. But even in tough times he wants us to feel good about ourselves. Don't give in to despair. Remain ever hopeful. You are ever a child of the King.

08-19-2019, 02:07 PM	#1
Unregistered Guest Posts: n/a	Spouse In The Local Church - How Do You Handle It? I feel uneasy even posting this, but my heart is heavy these last few days, especially after reading Joanna's thread. I was in the local church over 30 years. My husband is still deeply in it although he graciously comes with me to a local church near us. I am grateful for that. I can't believe the things that have happened in these last few years in the LC. The early years were nothing like this. I know this has to be the Lord's work to open his eyes. I have spoken very little to him about it but it's hard to be quiet and not get all rattled about it. My husband is a wonderful man. I just do not get it. I have gone to the Lord many times over this. Speaking to my husband only makes it worse. There must be many out there who have spouses still in the LC. How do you handle it?

08-19-2019, 03:12 PM	#2
Hannah Member Join Date: Jun 2019 Posts: 17	Re: Spouse In The Local Church - How Do You Handle It? My husband and I were both raised in the church, in 2 different localities. I left the church before we got married, nearly 12 years ago and he remained team LC, for lack of a better word. �� Things were contentious the first few years we were married. I was adamant about not meeting with the LC, that it would crush my soul. He was steadfast in the church, or at least the idea of it. After a few years we agreed not to talk about church in general and conversations about faith were kept very short. He rarely believed my negative experiences nor did he think the LC could do wrong. LSM was just a publishing company, nothing more, nothing less. The LC had the high truths, so why go else where. I went to my dad, he had been a co-worker/full-time for nearly 30 years, but had stopped meeting himself years prior. He is who I went to over this. In my mind I was supposed to follow my husband. Although, he was rarely going to meetings, in large part due to his work schedule. Spouses are "supposed" to be together. He told me "you need only listen to the Lords speaking in your heart." Over the years my husband would come to church with me periodically. 2 years ago he began coming regularly but still told me he preferred the LC. Last fall, it all changed. He is done!! It's no small thing that your husband is willing to go to church with you from time to time. I will tell you the same thing my dad told me "follow the speaking in your heart." My heart is with yours. Feel free to reach out in a private message if you want to connect further.

08-19-2019, 03:32 PM	#3
boughtbyJesus Member Join Date: Mar 2015 Location: San Gabriel Valley, Ca Posts: 24	Re: Spouse In The Local Church - How Do You Handle It? Although I was never involved in The Local Church because I never bought into anything they proclaimed/said, my husband unfortunately, is very involved and continues to meet with them for the last several years. It's been extremely difficult, to say the least, to have a spouse who refuses to hear anything you have to say about church, God, or the Christian life/walk in general. My two children and I have been attending a sound, bible-teaching-preaching church not far from our home for the last five years now. I'm sad to say we just don't talk about much anymore because he is always so angry, that anything I say can lead to a huge blowout. He refuses to hear anything I have to say about pretty much anything, calls me a "rebelious wife" and tells me I'm under the wrong head, that I don't like to submit, that I'm divisive, etc. All the hurtful phrases this cult has brainwashed him with, which is why we don't speak much. It's a sad and difficult situation, and I pray God will work in his heart and open his eyes to see and ears to hear the truth. In the meantime I wait and try to bear with this very heavy burden praying that The Lord will give me the grace and strengeth to persevere in this. Wishing you the best!

08-19-2019, 04:50 PM	#5
Ohio Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Greater Ohio Posts: 13,654	Re: Spouse In The Local Church - How Do You Handle It? I was a devout defender of the LC for 25+ years, thru thick and thin, and then the GLA quarantine happened. Actually the official Whistler ITERO Kangaroo Court against Titus Chu, was much later, but for those serving in the GLA LC's, the writing was on the wall much earlier. Storm clouds were brewing on the horizon for decades. The Lord led me to study our "spiritual forbears," the Exclusive Brethren. I read all I could find online about their first division, considering the GLA excommunication to be our "first." I was basically shocked. WL told us they were Philadelphia, with brotherly love, and love for the Lord and His word. They may have started that way, but it sure ended fast. We had become just like them! Exclusivism was a disease! It ain't pretty. There is no love in Laodicea! As I began to examine who we were, many things from our past came back to mind. The old Bereans forum caught my attention and for the first time I was reading the "other side of the story." I saw abuse everywhere -- national, regional, local, in the homes -- so contrary to the love of God. I thought, "this program turns beloved brothers into bullies." As a man, we derive much of our worth and our identity from our work, and those who serve in the LC's are wedded to their work. Leaving the LC takes away part of who you are. I was willing to suffer the loss of all things on behalf of Christ and the church. I could lose everything else, but not this. Leaving is not easy. In fact, I know a few brothers, like myself, who left the LC because of all the hypocrisy. Then what do we do? Who do we minister to? Where can we function? It's a difficult dilemma, which I understand too. Some then went back to the LC. I'm sure your husband confronts these same issues. He longs to believe what LSM promises. He wants to believe things will improve. He hopes the early days will once again return. But they won't. __________________ Ohio's motto is: With God all things are possible!. Keeping all my posts short, quick, living, and to the point!

08-20-2019, 07:41 AM	#7
Keep going foward Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Spouse In The Local Church - How Do You Handle It? First of all let me assure you that you are not alone! There are probably quite a number of saints on this forum that are either in the same situation or have gone through it in the past. Many a marriage has fallen apart over these kinds of situations, and yes, it is heartbreaking. My spouse and I came into the Local Church in early college years in the 1970s. We both got "love bombed" at a Sat evening gospel meeting and moved into our respective brothers and sisters houses within months of coming to our fist meeting. We were already very much in love but were told not to see each other on a one-to-one basis. Of course we both went along with "the brothers". We did eventually get married after getting the brothers approval of course. We both did the Local Church thing of going to 6-8 meetings a week while finishing school and starting a family. We were in the Southern California area so naturally we got to have the privilege of sitting at brother Lee's feet for dozens upon dozens of conferences, trainings, ministry station and perfecting meetings every year for many, many years. By the beginnings of "the New Way" I was starting to get burned out. My wife was too but still kept going full blast. Then came the "turmoil" with John Ingalls, Bill Malon and all the other brothers who decided that enough was enough. It took me another few years to finally call it quits with the LC. But my spouse wouldn't budge. So essentially we learned how to stay out of each others way. I went to my church and my spouse went to the LC meetings. Our kids went to Childrens meeting at the LC but like most 2nd generation kids they escaped the LC as soon as they possibly could. Both of them became cold to the Lord as well. Later I found out that the vast majority of these 2nd generation kids have nothing to do with the LC, and many have left the faith altogether. Come to find out, this is a very common phenomenon in the Recovery. Sad but truth. So how do I handle it? I pray. I hope. I cry. I just keep going forward and trust in the Lord. What else can we do?

08-20-2019, 10:06 PM	#9
countmeworthy Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: in Spirit & in Truth Posts: 1,363	Re: Spouse In The Local Church - How Do You Handle It? May l make a prayer suggestion? It is to pray “Father God. May Your perfect Will be done in my marriage (or in whatever trying situation you may be going through) Draw us near and dear to You. Cover us with the Blood of Jesus. Place a hedge of protection around us and do not let any weapon get near us that is aimed at destroying or crippling us. With a heart filled with gratitude and thanksgiving for receiving the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart O Lord, my Strength and my Redeemer, l give You Praise, Honor and Glory that You are so Worthy of. Thank You Father God, Lord Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit for never leaving us or forsaking us. You began a good work in us, in fact a almost excellent work in us and You are going to finish it. Glory to Your Holy Name now and forever and ever. Amen. __________________ Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be *accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass,* and to stand before the Son of man. (Luke 21:36)