O Lord lead me!

[lostlampstand]

Hi thank you all for your candid testimonies and experiences, I’ve been profoundly informed by the dialogue and discussion here, and would like to share my portion.

I was brought into the LC as a toddler, and grew up in the recovery, attended every young people, lords table and retreats, I started to have questions and becoming skeptical regarding the ministry in high school and purposely ran away to a college without church life to escape the unhealthy restrictions and mental deprivation. After the prodigal son realization, I decided to give it another try after graduate school to go back to church life, and the same issues and skepticism became more blatant and transparent to me.

As a church kid, we were programmed with militant regimented indoctrination, repetitive mental acrobatics, that leads to the tormenting of the developing mind. We were institutionalized with false and biased beliefs of the world and society, experiencing cognitive dissonance regarding academic, career and marriage choices, core values, and surviving in the world with a fear-based mindset. Particularly, because of the divine separation of boys/girls throughout adolescence, it affected my perception and tarnished my relationship-forming ability with the opposite sex.

I decided to escape to a college far away without church life, to investigate my curiosity of the real world, honing the social skills and critical thinking abilities that were not encouraged in church life.

As a young boy growing up, I’ve experienced the traditional strict Chinese way of communicating, teaching and discipline, and I observed the same kind of thick narrow minded Sinocentric mindset and abusive personality that exist and operates in the LC system of leaders, serving ones and misinformed parents.

Perhaps that hurt me the most is the monolithic culture of religion over relationship, the LC ministry is only interested in instrumental elites that are university-educated FTT graduates well versed in theatrics, manufactured enthusiasm and strange fire pyrotechnics. As someone that aspired to go to FTT, I observed numerous trainees and graduates who have not only demonstrated little transformation of character, but have developed arrogance and behave with their god-given license to be judgmental and persecutory of other ‘peasant saints’. Despite being a professional school graduate, I didn’t get into a 4-year degree program upon finishing high school, and was not part of the mainstream burden and was abandoned on my own. I’ve heard this kind of spiritual eugenics happening at other localities as well.

I am a church kid that ‘fell through the crack’, lost my faith and drifted away. I tried to come back numerous times, to confess, repent and make myself a better vessel, to inherit my birthright and fight for my portion. I am in my 30s now and I am frankly very exhausted. There’s deep truth in LC but the vision remains shallow, and continues to present itself as a religious organization.

[awareness]

Welcome brother lostlampstand ...

I don't know just how to respond to you brother lost. Except that I can relate from growing up in the Southern Baptist church, and leaving it and going back to it a couple of times. It didn't take much college education for me to not be able to fit back into it.

I thought the local church would be truer but in the end was just more of the SBC, on steroids ... and with a strong personality leader.

Eventually that didn't wash for me. And I hope it doesn't for you.

[Ohio]

Originally Posted by lostlampstand

I am a church kid that ‘fell through the crack’, lost my faith and drifted away. I tried to come back numerous times, to confess, repent and make myself a better vessel, to inherit my birthright and fight for my portion. I am in my 30s now and I am frankly very exhausted. There’s deep truth in LC but the vision remains shallow, and continues to present itself as a religious organization.

Welcome to the forum, lostlampstand!

You sure condensed an incredible diagnosis of life in the LC into one brief post.

There's much to be said here, but I'll only make a couple comments. If the "truth sets us free," as Jesus has clearly told us, then the LC has little remaining truth. Their "deep truth" actually is deep doctrine, but as Paul says, they are "always learning something new, and yet are never able to arrive at real knowledge of the truth." (2 Tim 3.7) They have become an abusive sect with a Chinese accent. In this regard, they are little different from Judaism in the New Testament, which had become an abusive sect with a Jewish accent.

Your definition of "faith," as it now exists in your heart, has been defined mostly wrong. Read your post again and see how different your definition is from the Bible. Faith is very real and exceedingly precious, but yours, like mine, was leavened with the modern day teachings of the Pharisees. The apostle Paul, a great pattern to us, was purged of his leaven by spending much time alone with the Lord in His word. Though this forum can help with the specifics, I encourage you to spend much time alone with Jesus in the Gospels, the Psalms, etc.

When you do visit other Christian gatherings, actively practice looking for the good, and consciously eliminate judgmentalism which will automatically arise in your heart.

What area did you grow up in?