My Testimony

[sinnersavedbygrace]

Dear brothers/sisters

I have been visiting localchurchdiscussions for over an year and I have found real help and support from our dear brothers and sisters here. I see a lot of people where are going through / gone through the same situation I am in now. I recently applied for a login id and password, and I thank God that I can interact with you all now.

I am from India. I come from the state of Tamil Nadu which is on the southern side. My parents were medical missionaries who migrated from another southern state called Kerala to our present location. I am married and I have two daughters aged 5 and 3. From my younger age I had a deep appreciation of Jesus from Bible stories and Sunday school lessons. I remember somewhere around the age of 5, praying as led by my father to confess my sins and to be saved.

My adolescent period was not very good. I fell into bad company of friends, and always got into trouble. My parents were concerned about me but they didn't offer me any personal help and kept condemning me. My life was a failure and when things got bad with my education and career, I started turning to the Lord. That is also when some brothers from the LC, who were in touch with my father who was an ardent reader of Watchman Nee, came to our place and started organizing meetings to present the "Recovered Truths". There was great response to the new things spoken by them and my family was very willing to drop the old ways of worshiping and serving God. This created quite a revolution here, we faced a lot of opposition from our Christian friends. Many stopped talking to us, but my parents became great followers of LC. The arrival of the LC brothers had a great impact on us and myself and a few youngsters got baptized. Those times were a good revival for us, and I can't deny it. We were sent to continuous tranings and meetings but we didn't feel coerced into it, because of the initial thrill and "enjoyment".

But after a few months, personally I felt that many things were done forcibly in the LC. Everyone was required to speak, and only from the outlines. As young ones we had to force ourselves to parrot something from what we read just for the sake of escaping condemning words from the elder ones. When I failed to perform according to their norms, there would be a sigh of "O Lord Jesus" from somewhere in the crowd and it would hurt me.
I began feeling that the the so called co-workers and responsible brothers didn't really care for people personally, but they just needed to increase numbers. When new people came in they would "love-bomb" them very much and once they are established in the practices of the group and come regularly, they would treat them like trash.

Slowly I felt like I was doing things out of fear of losing support rather than real love for the Lord. When I was 22 I was forcibly sent to the Full time Training. Though I cannot say I was fully against going there, the fear of being left out of the flock and the thought of being humiliated because I disobeyed the brothers helped me to go there. After two months into the training, I started questioning in my mind about the content of the training. We read only Witness Lee, only his footnotes, and a little of Watchman Nee's writings in between. Many times they would emphasize that the training was not a seminary.. there was a motto we needed to memorize.

Anyway after completing one year, I decided to call it quits. I couldn't adjust with the regulations there, it all felt meaningless. Of course, my character and discipline was regulated there, but it didn't bring me any closer to Jesus. He was not at all the Lord of my personal life. When I told my parents that I'm not going back for the second year of training, they accepted it but not without criticizing me. I fell off their radar. No more care from the brothers. Every mistake of mine was discussed in my absence. I became a 'fleshly man' to them. When I made some mistake, people would talk behind my backs but nobody would personally come and inquire or help me out. Anyway I didn't protest, I knew that I was not perfect to find fault in others and in the system.

Years went by. I attended meetings, I served people people physically, but I stopped "functioning" according to their standards. I stopped "pray-reading" outlines. I started questioning the attitude of LC people towards other genuine believers. I also started question the group's allegiance to one person Witness Lee. Why not accept the words of other men of God who gave their lives for the gospel? If there was to be a great Recovery to consummate this age to be carried out through the preaching of one man, wouldn't there be any hint of this in the Bible? - Whenever I took up these matters to my family, I would be ridiculed and they would say that I am in the flesh and I need to turn to the spirit.

That is when I found this website. It was an eye-opener to me to see many brothers and sisters who have come out of this group. Now I have completely stopped meeting with the LC even though my wife is a faithful follower of the LC. She loves the Lord but since she has not known anyone outside the LC, she religiously follows it. My desire is to follow the Lord and live holy life. I want to serve others and be a living example. I have many flaws, but I know my God is stronger than any problem I have. I don't meet with the LC anymore. The Lord has led me to a Christian group with whom I meet online.

Sorry for my flaws in composing my testimony and my imperfect language. I admit that I am still an ungrown person in Christ. But I know that the Lord has mercy on me.