Marriage in the "Lord's Recovery"

[jesusislord]

Why there's gender separation in the meeting? Not just the seating separation, but there's separation everywhere, like in kitchen, in cars etc.. I know many sister married with non-believer, do you think this has something to do with the separation?

I even heard from a brother someone married with someone he don't like, since when the church has control over people's marriage and liking?

[Nell]

Originally Posted by jesusislord

Why there's gender separation in the meeting? Not just the seating separation, but there's separation everywhere, like in kitchen, in cars etc.. I know many sister married with non-believer, do you think this has something to do with the separation?

I even heard from a brother someone married with someone he don't like, since when the church has control over people's marriage and liking?

Why ask why?

When someone starts asking questions like this, there should be red flags and sirens. Something is not right. Walk away. Don't try to figure it out...you can't. Just go while you still question this kind of behavior. These people have surrendered control of their lives to someone else.

I know what I'm talking about. We all do. Get out of there! Don't ask "why"---just go.

Nell

[TLFisher]

My daughter watches The Handsmaid's Tale series. I tried to explain to her how it parallels the local church environment I was raised in. If you submit to "the brother's fellowship" they will tell sisters and brothers alike who is good for them and who's not. It's not about who you love or who is your soulmate, but what's best for the group's future. Personal preference is tossed aside.

[jesusislord]

Originally Posted by Terry

My daughter watches The Handsmaid's Tale series. I tried to explain to her how it parallels the local church environment I was raised in. If you submit to "the brother's fellowship" they will tell sisters and brothers alike who is good for them and who's not. It's not about who you love or who is your soulmate, but what's best for the group's future. Personal preference is tossed aside.

And if you don't agree they ask you to exercise your spirit more, what kind of nonsense pls? I don't see most of the Christian couple who's not within lc practice this kind of nonsense.

[aron]

Originally Posted by jesusislord

And if you don't agree they ask you to exercise your spirit more...

The issue of arranged marriages, along with scrupulous avoidance of meaningful interactions with the opposite gender other than in those arranged marriages, is symptomatic of a larger problem alluded to here. The phrase "exercise your spirit more" in the LC means continue the previous pattern of thought-avoidance - keep chanting/shouting/reciting mantras, whether taken from Bible passages or supplied by "words of ministry" from the publisher. This helps avoid facing the situation, whether social, employment, housing, health or financial. In such repetitive activity one's "eating God" and thence "becoming God", so they say. But eventually, if the situation persists, one needs "fellowship" from the "brothers". They'll advise who to marry, where to live, what kind of college/career/job to pursue etc. etc.

And if one doesn't like the fellowship, it's back to Step 1: "exercise your spirit more".

All of which leads to a bunch of frustrated people. But don't say that because speaking up is being "negative" and you don't want to be negative, do you!!?? No brother, no sister, be positive! Keep eating Jesus!! Eat that tree!!

What I see in the LC are paralyzed and frustrated people. Most of them can't articulate it because they're not allowed to think about it. They're sure that somehow they didn't try hard enough. You can see the frustration and ennui. They just don't talk about it in meetings because that's not allowed.

Of course there are happy, satisfied, well-adjusted marriages in the LC. But there are also such marriages in the Baptist church and among the Presbyterians and Congregationalists as well. The problem in the LC is that an issue already fraught with peril - finding Mr or Miss Right - is made doubly or trebly so by the enforced passivity. Don't do anything outside the fellowship! If the brothers haven't gotten around to assigning you a partner too bad -- in the LC, "Get married for Christ and the Church" is code for "wait for your assigned spouse".

jesusislord,

are you able to post your testimony? I'd be interested in hearing your experiences and impressions. In the LC, they say, "Don't have an opinion". This is code for, "Only the Maximum Brother can have an opinion"... don't be afraid to share your views. Every sheep is counted - every sheep can hears the Shepherd's voice!

[Melo]

Originally Posted by jesusislord

Why there's gender separation in the meeting? Not just the seating separation, but there's separation everywhere, like in kitchen, in cars etc.. I know many sister married with non-believer, do you think this has something to do with the separation?

Part of the difficulty in finding a spouse could also be related to whether or not they have attended the full-time training. While the primary purpose of attending the FTTA is to be 'trained' in the ministry, there's also the more discreet reason of finding a spouse. I suppose those who don't go may have a harder time finding a church spouse than those who don't.

Honestly I've never heard of someone being explicitly told who to marry, moreso like people trying to set people up with others they think would be good for them, which is not so different from other groups.

However I'e noticed it's really weird the way a lot of people get together. I've heard so many stories of people going indirect routes of telling people they are interested. So if Brother A likes Sister B, he'll tell Brother C to talk to her. Not really sure if this is the way it works in other churches/settings but it always has felt kinda childish to me to watch it play out.

[TLFisher]

Originally Posted by Melo

Part of the difficulty in finding a spouse could also be related to whether or not they have attended the full-time training. While the primary purpose of attending the FTTA is to be 'trained' in the ministry, there's also the more discreet reason of finding a spouse. I suppose those who don't go may have a harder time finding a church spouse than those who don't.

I think that's true. Agree or disagree my observation is FTT has created a class system and that creates problems for some when it comes to marriage prospects.

[RambleOn]

Originally Posted by Melo

However I'e noticed it's really weird the way a lot of people get together. I've heard so many stories of people going indirect routes of telling people they are interested. So if Brother A likes Sister B, he'll tell Brother C to talk to her. Not really sure if this is the way it works in other churches/settings but it always has felt kinda childish to me to watch it play out.

What I think is different than other groups is the way you very seldom hear about people openly "dating" or "courting" one another. What you have instead is two people will pretty much secretly be seeing one another for months and months, in the sense that it is not publicly discussed, and only a few people will know about it, then next thing you know they are engaged. In a way it seems like an arranged marriage from the outside, because you rarely see messy dating situations or failed relationships out in the open, but that's more a reflection of the cultural expectations that you aren't to date openly. You fellowship with the brothers, and if there's mutual interest your relationship is "covered" under the fellowship, and if it doesn't work out nobody talks about it. I've personally never heard of anyone literally being told whom to marry though.