my UN testimony

[aron]

Originally Posted by NZexCK

I returned to work on a part time basis and began my journey of deconstruction. This forum was one of the first things I found and I spent weeks and months pouring over just about every thread. It was at this time I happened to stumble upon the early talks of starting a facebook group for ex LC members and I jumped at the chance to join. This eventually split off into a separate group specifically for ex church kids (for reasons reflected in this forum as of late). These facebook groups have been a tremendous help to me throughout the last several years of my deconstruction. I remember when I first joined these groups being quite bewildered by how dramatic these other church kids in the US seemed to be. What? You see a therapist? Wow, I’m glad the NZ experience wasn’t as bad as that. Three years on and I have deconstructed enough to understand how they feel. It has been a rather long and slow but necessary process. There were years of unhealed wounds to work through that I had simply stuck a bandaid on and left to fester. Now I have to rip them off and let them heal.

I am still making connections with how growing up in the LR is affecting me today. Imagine your entire would view forming as a child through the very specific lense that is the LR. The scaffolding of your entire makeup based upon the foundation that is the LR. Just about every connection that your developing brain made done so with the distinct twisted connection of the LR. And then waking up one day and discovering all of the lies, hypocrisy, deception, power play and manipulation that the LR is really about. I had spent my entire life thinking that these adults knew what was best for me, had my best interests at heart and had trusted them. I believed that there must have been something wrong with me, only to realise at age 25 that maybe my gut instinct had been right all along and they were the ones that were wrong.

This first year of deconstruction had a bigger impact on me than I realised at the time. Imagine losing just about everything that makes up your identity/world view and having to start rebuilding from scratch..

I think deconstruction is the right word. There is a construction built into you, as a child of course you were complicit because every child wants to be fed, cared for, protected, loved. And those were the rules of the game. So you went along.

Then you leave physically but you realize all this crap got installed into your mind, your emotions, your feelings about yourself and the world around you. All that 'stuff' is interwoven with 'you'.

I entered the LR as a college student, lived their 'church life' 24/7 for a period of years - with all the meetings, fellowship, trainings, conferences etc - then my inner klaxon horns just got too loud and I left. But it took years, and a lot of work, to really appreciate how much that mind-set had become engrained into me. What if I'd been born into that programme? What would that be like - leaving physically, and now alone in a world you've been taught from Day 1 to hate, fear and despise?

[NZexCK]

Thanks for your response aron. I've taken the term deconstruction from the wider exvangelical community. In my search for answers I've come to realise the the LR church kid experience is often not too dissimilar from ex church kids in mainstream christianity. There is a huge community out there of ex church kids from all areas of christianity sharing their deconstruction process/journey which I've found really helpful and relatable. I guess anytime money and power is involved its going to lead to manipulation and abuse in some form or another. It's really reinforced for me just how un-special the LR is and how much they really are just another degraded denomination of christianity (with a few extra quirks). I wouldn't be bothered half as much if they just owned the fact that they are another denomination. It's the whole acting like they are above every one else which makes the whole movement even more repulsive to me. As of now I've reached the conclusion that "belonging" to a specific group of people who meet a certain way or at a certain place isn't a requirement to being a christian. Church can be as simple as being alone, or with one other person, being present in the moment, appreciating how beautiful a tree is.

[aron]

Originally Posted by NZexCK

I've taken the term deconstruction from the wider exvangelical community. In my search for answers I've come to realise the the LR church kid experience is often not too dissimilar from ex church kids in mainstream christianity. There is a huge community out there of ex church kids from all areas of christianity sharing their deconstruction process/journey which I've found really helpful and relatable.

One thing that I've found out is that there are other groups very similar to the LR.

Iglesia Ni Christo in Phillipines
Gloriavale in New Zealand
La Luz del Mundo in Mexico
Shincheonji Church of Jesus in South Korea
Mormon Church of USA

etc etc

You have a supposed apostle, with a proprietary vision, then people gather round, obey without question, recruit new members, and pressure their children to be unthinking automatons. Abuse in such high-control programmes inevitably follows like night follows day. (and it is abuse to deny children their intrinsic humanity - they are not commodities in a pipeline.)

Originally Posted by NZexCK

As of now I've reached the conclusion that "belonging" to a specific group of people who meet a certain way or at a certain place isn't a requirement to being a christian. Church can be as simple as being alone, or with one other person, being present in the moment, appreciating how beautiful a tree is.

I agree. Belonging to a group isn't bad per se, but it is fraught with perils. I understand the Christian maxim to "not forsake the assembling together" but we should forsake manipulation and control, and assembling unfortunately can lead to such abuse.

It is a fascinating study in pathologic sociology - the nonconformist who strikes out on their own, then starts their own group and pushes strict conformity on group members. The parents in this self-oriented passion play become unwitting dupes, telling their children how they "followed the Lord out of Babylon" and into the Pastures of Plenty, but at the same time they attempt to deny this same journey to their progeny.

If your idea of your destiny of actualization depends on someone else denying their own, I'd suggest checking your vision again.

[NZexCK]

Aron, I’ve even noticed lots of similarities with religious groups or cults that aren’t Christian either. I’ve watched a lot of cult documentaries about Scientology, heavens gate, rajneeshpuram etc and am always surprised by the parallels I can draw with my experience of the LR.

As for church, I think it will be many years before I will have the trust to step foot into another large congregation. My experience/research of the LR has left me with a great deal of cynicism and mistrust to deal with.

[awareness]

Originally Posted by NZexCK

Aron, I’ve even noticed lots of similarities with religious groups or cults that aren’t Christian either. I’ve watched a lot of cult documentaries about Scientology, heavens gate, rajneeshpuram etc and am always surprised by the parallels I can draw with my experience of the LR.

As for church, I think it will be many years before I will have the trust to step foot into another large congregation. My experience/research of the LR has left me with a great deal of cynicism and mistrust to deal with.

I'm happy for you NZexCK ... you've gotten free.