The Unique Move of God

[Cal]

Originally Posted by Drake

Hi Igzy,

Sure. You said "that belief leads to all the fear, manipulation, abuse and damage that those complaints testify of. "

You mentioned one of your fears was of God's punishment by leaving the group.

What other fears did you have? What fears were on your mind when you went to bed and when you woke up?

Drake

Fear of not being good enough, fear of not "making" the kingdom, fear of not pleasing "the brothers." In general fear of failure, of not being a "good brother."

This fear generally pushed me to try harder at toeing the LCM line. You know, the whole bit, going to all the trainings, reading all the Life-Studies and books, taking part in all the gospel outings, dressing like a dork, keeping completely clear of the world. Guilt, guilt, guilt. Fear and loathing. I was never good enough.

But it was a standard I could not keep nor that the Lord wanted me to keep.

I remember one time Titus Chu came to Texas. He gave messages directed at the young people. He got on us for going to McDonald's after the meetings. He said in his broken English, "You don't know how much McDonald's hurt church life." So now I had to feel guilty about wanting fast food after a meeting, or any other time, I guess. Really? Even a moment of escape into a small order of fries was bad? More guilt.

I remember Lee warning us to not play sports, or have dogs for pets, or drink coffee, or read the newspaper, or seek entertainment, or... the list goes on. More fear and loathing.

In one training, I think it was Colossians, Lee actually told us to flee "anything that makes you happy." No kidding. That's a quote. Any outlet of personal pleasure was frowned upon. I felt like a failure because I could not be this machine that just "enjoyed Christ."

What a bunch of BS that all was. Any sensible person would have just left right away. But fear and guilt kept me there. I had been indoctrinated by a bunch of fanatical jerks who are going to pay for it someday.

But the requirement was untenable. So finally I just left. Now, looking back I see how abused and manipulated I was. But that realization took time and the cost was a lot of suffering.

I was just a kid. They preyed on my naivete. They stole a big chunk of my life. So, yeah, I resent it. I pity the LCM now. I don't hate anyone. But I'm very serious about helping anyone I can avoid that place, including you.

[Cal]

And you know why I went through that, Drake?

So I could be right here, today, telling people to avoid places like the LCM.

God knew what he was doing. The Devil meant it for evil. But God meant it for good.

And it sure is fun being here right now knowing I know what I'm talking about.

But I still like you, and I know there is some good there. But there is a deposit of some dark history and some extremely dark remnants of that history, and someone needs to purge it.

[TLFisher]

Originally Posted by Igzy

In general fear of failure, of not being a "good brother."

Being "a good brother" in my opinion is really arbitrary. What's the basis of being a good brother? One who submits unequivocally "to the brothers" and whose absoluteness to the ministry is without question. All the while to be "a good brother" doesn't require good character. Oh you could be anywhere. Let's take Oklahoma City for example. A brother leaves his wife to take up with another sister, but in the minds of the elders, "he's a good brother".
A brother can be physically abusive towards his wife, but as long as his actions and speaking doesn't betray what it means to be a good brother, his standing with the responsible ones is unhindered.
However a brother can find his standing as "a good brother" questionable if submission isn't unequivocal. When you begin questioning the responsible ones, that's when a brother seems to lose his standing.