My Intro + Stay or Leave?

alwayscurious · 01-25-2021, 12:20 AM

Hi everyone,

I've been a lurker on this forum for a few months now and I really would appreciate some guidance. I was born and raised in the recovery, very sheltered throughout middle and high school (if you catch my drift). As a man who has just entered adulthood (first yr of college) and ever since covid hit, I've been in my thoughts a lot due to the sheer amount of time I had to be alone with my thoughts.

A few months ago I decided to look up witness lee in detail on google. I've done this before but it was always just for a few minutes, just curious about how others viewed the recovery. But this time was different. The reason being, I felt pressured by those around me, mainly my mother, to read the ministry. I felt like sometimes, it became a substitute for the Bible. Not that I read the Bible as often as I should, but even then it felt wrong in a way. I always heard that we should follow the Bible and the ministry. But I just don't understand why we have to bring Lee's name up over and over, in the semi-annuals, in the SSOTs, home meetings, its always Oh brother Lee this, brother Lee that, etc.... Almost always quoting him and what he said. Now I know this may not be the case ALL the time, but for a good portion of it, it is the case.

Now, I understand that nothing on this planet is perfect, no locality and no "church" is perfect, no human is perfect. But God is perfect, and Jesus was perfect. With that being said, I don't really know how to approach this. I have a good understanding of the church's history in terms of daystar, the things covered up in terms of abuse, etc.... Those aren't my points of concern because these things just show that we need the Lord even more. What concerns me most are summarized in the next few points:

1. Why is there a sense of stigma when others use non recovery version bibles? God's Word is His Word. period.

2. How come we don't quote other "ministry books" other than ones published by LSM?

3. How come there is a stigma against marrying outside of the church life if the other person is a Christian? the Bible doesn't say don't marry outside of "the recovery". Is it because there might be a potential point of conflict with the non RCer? If anyone is able to elaborate even more on this, maybe give feedback/advice, that would be VERY VERY appreciated!

4. How come I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I'm doing normal things such as eating lunch out with friends, watching a movie, playing games, playing sports, listening to music, etc..... I just don't understand this, some of my friends from the church don't really feel this, and others I know outside of the LC don't either, so I'm wondering if there's a problem with me since I feel so bad when doing stuff outside of just the meetings and etc...

5. We say we are not a denomination, but come on, are we not? maybe not nominally, but in terms of practice and having LSM material everywhere..... are we not? I am perplexed and at my knees trying to understand for many months now....

6. If I do end up leaving in the off chance, my entire life will be ruined and shattered. 98% of my friends are all people I have grown up with in the LC, my very, very small immediate family will no doubt grow further apart from me. As a result of growing up as a church kid, my immediate family is VERY separated from our blood family and it's almost like they are acquaintances and not family (rarely see them 2-3 times a year, and that's being generous). It's like I have so many around me, yet have none truly around me, outside of the LC. I mean, I love the saints and they are all truly my family. They all love the Lord and they are all great patterns in life (from the bottom of my heart). They're the family I never had. But of course, this could all change if I do leave the church life. I can't put into words just how much of my identity, if not all of it, I would lose if I left. I would have no one to turn to even just as human companions. And its not like I can just turn to someone to talk to them about how I feel, word spreads faster than wildfire in the church. I'm just at a crossroads and need a lot of help.

Thanks,
AlwaysCurious

01-25-2021, 12:20 AM	#1
alwayscurious Member Join Date: Jan 2021 Posts: 27	My Intro + Stay or Leave? Hi everyone, I've been a lurker on this forum for a few months now and I really would appreciate some guidance. I was born and raised in the recovery, very sheltered throughout middle and high school (if you catch my drift). As a man who has just entered adulthood (first yr of college) and ever since covid hit, I've been in my thoughts a lot due to the sheer amount of time I had to be alone with my thoughts. A few months ago I decided to look up witness lee in detail on google. I've done this before but it was always just for a few minutes, just curious about how others viewed the recovery. But this time was different. The reason being, I felt pressured by those around me, mainly my mother, to read the ministry. I felt like sometimes, it became a substitute for the Bible. Not that I read the Bible as often as I should, but even then it felt wrong in a way. I always heard that we should follow the Bible and the ministry. But I just don't understand why we have to bring Lee's name up over and over, in the semi-annuals, in the SSOTs, home meetings, its always Oh brother Lee this, brother Lee that, etc.... Almost always quoting him and what he said. Now I know this may not be the case ALL the time, but for a good portion of it, it is the case. Now, I understand that nothing on this planet is perfect, no locality and no "church" is perfect, no human is perfect. But God is perfect, and Jesus was perfect. With that being said, I don't really know how to approach this. I have a good understanding of the church's history in terms of daystar, the things covered up in terms of abuse, etc.... Those aren't my points of concern because these things just show that we need the Lord even more. What concerns me most are summarized in the next few points: 1. Why is there a sense of stigma when others use non recovery version bibles? God's Word is His Word. period. 2. How come we don't quote other "ministry books" other than ones published by LSM? 3. How come there is a stigma against marrying outside of the church life if the other person is a Christian? the Bible doesn't say don't marry outside of "the recovery". Is it because there might be a potential point of conflict with the non RCer? If anyone is able to elaborate even more on this, maybe give feedback/advice, that would be VERY VERY appreciated! 4. How come I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I'm doing normal things such as eating lunch out with friends, watching a movie, playing games, playing sports, listening to music, etc..... I just don't understand this, some of my friends from the church don't really feel this, and others I know outside of the LC don't either, so I'm wondering if there's a problem with me since I feel so bad when doing stuff outside of just the meetings and etc... 5. We say we are not a denomination, but come on, are we not? maybe not nominally, but in terms of practice and having LSM material everywhere..... are we not? I am perplexed and at my knees trying to understand for many months now.... 6. If I do end up leaving in the off chance, my entire life will be ruined and shattered. 98% of my friends are all people I have grown up with in the LC, my very, very small immediate family will no doubt grow further apart from me. As a result of growing up as a church kid, my immediate family is VERY separated from our blood family and it's almost like they are acquaintances and not family (rarely see them 2-3 times a year, and that's being generous). It's like I have so many around me, yet have none truly around me, outside of the LC. I mean, I love the saints and they are all truly my family. They all love the Lord and they are all great patterns in life (from the bottom of my heart). They're the family I never had. But of course, this could all change if I do leave the church life. I can't put into words just how much of my identity, if not all of it, I would lose if I left. I would have no one to turn to even just as human companions. And its not like I can just turn to someone to talk to them about how I feel, word spreads faster than wildfire in the church. I'm just at a crossroads and need a lot of help. Thanks, AlwaysCurious