Pulled in Two Directions

[aron]

Originally Posted by googlelight

Amen to what you wrote.
So you have gone this road before me, can I ask what you do today when it comes to church / church life?
I am considering getting together with 2-3 open brothers, and just pray. But it would be helpful, perhaps, to listen to your story post-recovery

My story: I left because I was sick of sitting in the same chairs every week with the same few people, congratulating ourselves on arriving at the "high peaks" on the "proper ground" and our "oneness" and so forth. But our lives were not being metabolically transformed as the ministry had promised (my impression of course, but I came from Christianity and had basis for comparison), and our impact on the world was minimal if any. Jesus on the other hand had great impact. "Jesus went around doing good, because God was with him" said his close associate Peter, in summarising his ministry (Acts 10:38), but we were discouraged from "wasting our time" on "good works" - sorry, "dead works" - which we all knew, per Paul, that they were vain. (I guess Jesus and Peter didn't get the memo).

So I quit. There was no internet, I knew nothing of Daystar and Philip Lee, just rumors of "storms" far away. I thought I was sold-out but the Lord led me out anyway. Amazing in retrospect.

From there, I went into even more strict churches, where the women didn't speak in church because "it's in the Bible" and so forth. Eventually I got discouraged and dropped out, and stopped meeting anywhere, and became functionally agnostic. But over the years, I got nudged, and nudged...

Today, I just try to confess Jesus as Lord, risen from the dead and seated at the right hand of God in glory, and given dominion and a name which is above every name, in heaven, on earth, and under the earth, and any name which was or is or is to come. I try to receive all whom God has received in Jesus Christ, per Paul's word in Romans 15:7. And it's important to me today, not to passively wait for the "right Christians" to come along to meet with, but to actively reach out to those around me. Just like you see in the NT: Jesus reached the Samaritan woman where she was. He reached Peter casting a net in his boat. He reached people. Should not I trust this Christ? Should I not follow, and imitate, and obey?

And I find, like you did with your seemingly uncouth neighbour in post #8, that the rough ones are an opportunity to show grace (1 Cor 12:23). And as you forgive others, so God will forgive you. And if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will God forgive yours. Today I think that any supposed 'gap' between myself and that uncouth neighbour is probably less than the 'gap' between myself and God. So let the Lord cover the gap! His grace is sufficient.

שָׁלוֹם עֲלֵיכֶם