Intro of an ex "Church Kid"

kappagamma · 06-27-2019, 01:31 PM

I have lurked here sporadically over the years but decided to join more recently. I prefer the anonymity of this site to that of Facebook as, given that my family is still very much involved, I don't feel the freedom currently to be a public voice of dissent. In truth, while some of the current speaking points (Casteel letter) apply very directly to my own experience, some do not and I don't feel it is my place to speak to any of those - only to listen and to believe the individuals that do come forward.

I grew up in what I believed at the time to be a fairly strict LC household but as I've come to hear of other experiences it was not as strict as I once thought. I was required to attend every Sunday, as well summer school of truths, conferences, and even semi-annuals when I was older. I lived in a sisters house a few years in college and attended FTT-Anaheim for two years. I would say that I was marginally in the CL until the FTT. It was there that most of the issues that I had came to the forefront and I, from that point, couldn't ignore it anymore and made my eventual (but quiet) exit. To me it was just another religion and, having been taught my whole life religion was bad... well, there you have it. Really intrigued to know if there are others here who have been through the FTT and found it to remove a veil rather than adding one?

I have a lot of trouble with some of the accusations made against the LC - either because they are before my time or presented too vaguely to carry the necessary weight to resonate with me... or they don't match the sentiment that I have from being raised in this environment as opposed to those who chose it for themselves in adulthood. Being raised this way is very different and the beliefs instilled from youth are ingrained into who we are - it's not as easy as just leaving a movement. You literally are removing threads from the fabric of your identity. I am not sure, for that reason, that this forum is particularly the right place for me or not but it's better than nothing.

That being said I am very happy to have left this movement, even at some personal cost, and have some basic reasons:
1) Witness Lee died a long time ago. We were fed the line "standing on shoulders" year after year after year and I am highly skeptical that circa 1997 the "high peak" was reached and there is no growth/revelation left to attain. It has been 22 years. The world has changed, technology has changed, but God hasn't? I don't think so.
2) Women's roles in LC (and beyond). I'm sorry, I don't buy it. I am not a second class citizen. The suppression of women is not my thing and I'm not going to be complacent about it. I can't belong to an organization that silences and suppresses and demeans half (or more) of it's population.
3) Performance. I've known - and been myself- one who knew what to say and how to say it and when to say it in meetings of the LC and felt nothing on the inside. No thanks. I don't want to belong to an organization that says they are outside of religion and culture but very clearly has one all of its own. We all know it does. We all know what we are supposed to do and say or not do and not say. Fake. I don't like acting and didn't want to do it anymore.
4) Suppression of identity. This ties to #3 some but I would say that I feel like a shell of the person I'm supposed to be because individuality was so suppressed. Is this sentiment shared by anyone else? I feel so damaged being raised in this environment.
5) Purity culture. Unhealthy level of separation between male/female. I'm not saying that a church has should embrace immorality but there are healthy ways to teach interaction between the sexes and unhealthy ones. LC doesn't do it right and the impact it has had within the LC and other evangelical groups is real and documented. Really good books out there to read on this subject.

I know there have been some stories of truly horrific experiences that have been briefly hinted at here and on facebook posts as of late. Those are not my experience and no one has made any of those statements directly to me so I can't speak to those but I believe them to be true. This, however, is my story. It's more boring than some but I'm still happy to have left and hope that the current wave of malcontent helps solidify thought & action in others the way it has for me. Even if no one else leaves the LC because of it, if it provides some peace for those of us who have left then that is a good thing, too.

06-27-2019, 01:31 PM	#1
kappagamma Member Join Date: May 2019 Posts: 11	Intro of an ex "Church Kid" I have lurked here sporadically over the years but decided to join more recently. I prefer the anonymity of this site to that of Facebook as, given that my family is still very much involved, I don't feel the freedom currently to be a public voice of dissent. In truth, while some of the current speaking points (Casteel letter) apply very directly to my own experience, some do not and I don't feel it is my place to speak to any of those - only to listen and to believe the individuals that do come forward. I grew up in what I believed at the time to be a fairly strict LC household but as I've come to hear of other experiences it was not as strict as I once thought. I was required to attend every Sunday, as well summer school of truths, conferences, and even semi-annuals when I was older. I lived in a sisters house a few years in college and attended FTT-Anaheim for two years. I would say that I was marginally in the CL until the FTT. It was there that most of the issues that I had came to the forefront and I, from that point, couldn't ignore it anymore and made my eventual (but quiet) exit. To me it was just another religion and, having been taught my whole life religion was bad... well, there you have it. Really intrigued to know if there are others here who have been through the FTT and found it to remove a veil rather than adding one? I have a lot of trouble with some of the accusations made against the LC - either because they are before my time or presented too vaguely to carry the necessary weight to resonate with me... or they don't match the sentiment that I have from being raised in this environment as opposed to those who chose it for themselves in adulthood. Being raised this way is very different and the beliefs instilled from youth are ingrained into who we are - it's not as easy as just leaving a movement. You literally are removing threads from the fabric of your identity. I am not sure, for that reason, that this forum is particularly the right place for me or not but it's better than nothing. That being said I am very happy to have left this movement, even at some personal cost, and have some basic reasons: 1) Witness Lee died a long time ago. We were fed the line "standing on shoulders" year after year after year and I am highly skeptical that circa 1997 the "high peak" was reached and there is no growth/revelation left to attain. It has been 22 years. The world has changed, technology has changed, but God hasn't? I don't think so. 2) Women's roles in LC (and beyond). I'm sorry, I don't buy it. I am not a second class citizen. The suppression of women is not my thing and I'm not going to be complacent about it. I can't belong to an organization that silences and suppresses and demeans half (or more) of it's population. 3) Performance. I've known - and been myself- one who knew what to say and how to say it and when to say it in meetings of the LC and felt nothing on the inside. No thanks. I don't want to belong to an organization that says they are outside of religion and culture but very clearly has one all of its own. We all know it does. We all know what we are supposed to do and say or not do and not say. Fake. I don't like acting and didn't want to do it anymore. 4) Suppression of identity. This ties to #3 some but I would say that I feel like a shell of the person I'm supposed to be because individuality was so suppressed. Is this sentiment shared by anyone else? I feel so damaged being raised in this environment. 5) Purity culture. Unhealthy level of separation between male/female. I'm not saying that a church has should embrace immorality but there are healthy ways to teach interaction between the sexes and unhealthy ones. LC doesn't do it right and the impact it has had within the LC and other evangelical groups is real and documented. Really good books out there to read on this subject. I know there have been some stories of truly horrific experiences that have been briefly hinted at here and on facebook posts as of late. Those are not my experience and no one has made any of those statements directly to me so I can't speak to those but I believe them to be true. This, however, is my story. It's more boring than some but I'm still happy to have left and hope that the current wave of malcontent helps solidify thought & action in others the way it has for me. Even if no one else leaves the LC because of it, if it provides some peace for those of us who have left then that is a good thing, too.