Brief Intro & a Question

Hi, I hope my question doesn't violate the rules (no discussing alternative lifestyles) of this forum.

For context, I'm in college, I'm 21 and I've been active in the church life for 3 years. I've recently been following this forum and I'm aware of some of the serious issues and hypocrisies in the LC, even if I haven't necessarily experienced them personally. However, I really I love the saints in my locality, I feel the enjoyment of God's presence in the meetings, and I don't have the sense to leave right now.

The issue is regarding the fact that I'm a brother and for as long as I can remember, I've experienced same-sex attraction. I hate this and I'd change it if I could. I'm so thankful to the Lord, that though I was dead in sin and in the uncircumcision of my flesh, He forgave all my sins and made me alive with Christ (Col. 2:13). But I still live in this flesh for much of the day. I feel a bit trapped and I desperately want to fellowship with saints about this, but I'm afraid how they'll react. I have no cases to reference because I don't know of any other brothers or sisters who opened up about a similar situation and stayed in the church life.

As people and dear saints who've had way more years in the church than me, would any of you know how current LC members might react, or what generally is the LC's stance on this kind of thing? I'm afraid that even if they respond lovingly in the moment, some will go on to treat me a little different, and that others might even be wary/distrustful of me. I really love the Lord and I don't want this dumb sin to block my participation in the church life, so would it be better to just keep this all to myself for a while (or forever)?

[UntoHim]

Dear friend and brother.

The main direction and encouragement that I have for you would be to seek out a reputable Christian counselor in your area. If you are in a city of any decent size, I would think that it wouldn't be too difficult to find such a professional counselor. You might even be able to find one who specializes in issues and concerns of people in your situation. Since you are a student, there may be some sort of financial assistance.

Without knowing the size of your locality, I would hope that you have been able to develop some sort of close relationship with an older brother. If so, I would encourage you to open up and have some private fellowship with such a one. I would only take this step if you are absolutely confident that this brother would handle the situation with extreme confidentiality.

I have some suggestions that I could share with you, but would not be appropriate for our open forum. Please feel free to shoot me an email to LocalChurchDiscussions@Gmail.Com

Your brother who is unto Him.
-

Honestly, I don't know if LC members would react well - it depends on how well they know you and each person's degree of "open-mindedness." With that being said, I do not think it is healthy to keep it to yourself and bear this burden alone. I know this must be very difficult for you.

I'm a sister. While I was in college, another college-aged brother (I think he was also 21 at the time) expressed "interest" in me. He confessed to me that he had same-sex attractions. At the time, I thought it was a blessing to base a relationship on the spirit alone, and I did not judge him because I truly loved him. Long story, but it didn't work out. Eventually, I started meeting with a different group of Christians in a different denomination. I fell in love with another brother. After being friends for a year, he confessed to me that he too had same-sex attractions. I was devastated, but again, I loved him and did not judge him. He had similar sentiments as you -- although he was starting to "come out" around that time, he felt like God was withholding something from him. I have no idea how he is doing now, but last time I checked, he was involved in gay pride events.

I guess my point is that... you're definitely not alone, and I suggest you find someone you genuinely trust to talk to about this. If anyone reacts negatively, just remember that you did nothing wrong by opening up to them.

[Trapped]

Unregistered,

I wholeheartedly second UntoHim's suggestion to find a reputable Christian counselor in your area. That was the very first thing I thought of when reading your post, even before reading his response. You want a counselor who you can talk to about things that you feel ashamed of (I'm speaking of counseling in general, not just counseling specifically for same-sex attractions).......but a good Christian counselor will not condemn you for it. A good Christian counselor will understand and acknowledge why you feel shame, and will track with you, but they shouldn't heap more shame or condemnation on you. That's critical. It's a bit harder to find. But it's worth the search.

More related to your question, I think the reaction you might get from fellowshipping with saints will literally vary based on the individual saint. In larger localities with bigger campus works or large young people's meetings there may be some brothers who can "handle" that kind of fellowship, given that the sheer volume of young people and/or college students would have forced them to have those conversations at some point already. But none of the elders or responsible brothers have any training, professional, educational, or otherwise, to counsel anyone. The material they draw from is "the ministry" alone, and there is really nothing in the ministry about this. You may luck out and get a brother who can be understanding and compassionate without judgment, but the chances are slim that they could render any help comparable to a professional.

I am only aware of one other situation of a saint who had same-sex attractions and fellowshipped with the brothers. This saint was in an active same-sex relationship, and so they were told to stay away from meetings/home meetings until they ended the relationship. I am not aware of any saints who were same-sex attracted and not in a relationship and thus still in the church life, but that's probably because they fellowshipped in private and their fellowship was kept confidential. Typically in the church life there are not really any "openly gay" saints, so comparable examples are going to be rare....because most saints simply won't know who is or isn't same-sex attracted, because it's kept under wraps.

Since many real-world issues are totally skirted around and avoided in the church life, I do honestly think saints would view/treat you differently. They just wouldn't know what to do because the discussion simply doesn't exist in the church. They would think you are....I don't know what....some kind of "deviant" pretending to be a Christian or something, sorry to say.

But you're not. You're only a sinner just like all of the rest of us sinners, all of whom God had mercy on.

I also don't quite know what approaches the edge of violating the forum rules, so I'll say what I feel constrained to say, and the moderators can delete if necessary.

It's not a sin to be tempted. Jesus was tempted. Being tempted isn't a sin.

All of us have attractions we shouldn't have, whether or not it's to members of the same or opposite sex. It's just the truth. Single people have attractions all over the place. Married people do too. People attracted to the opposite sex do, and people attracted to the same sex do. It's biology and physiology. We're wired for them, and NOT having any attractions is actually abnormal. Simply having attractions isn't a sin. I know there are cascading implications of same-sex attractions which cause a lot of anguish, but don't let the devil condemn you for a part of the whole thing that he has no right to condemn you for. But I agree you've got to talk to someone so you don't feel like you're bearing this alone.

Trapped

P.S. There are many, many teachings in the local churches....some of the implications of which quite literally undo the gospel. If you ever run into any concerns about the teachings, you've got people here who would be happy to help break them down.

[SerenityLives]

Hi Unregistered, I had same sex attractions for my whole life as well. I’m 27 and I know how you feel. In my experience, I was outed in LC and prevented from participation in the sister’s house. I’ve left the LC. I do understand your need to be accepted but unfortunately, that hasnt been my experience in LC. If you want, you can join thelordsrecoverydiscussions.com. There’s a section of people who have had similar experiences to yours... when I was 21 I wanted to change it too.

I would be very careful of letting anyone in the local churches know about what you are struggling with. Maybe your locality is different. In my experience, any personal struggle that was shared with someone could either become the subject of gossip, or worse, something openly talked about in the meetings. Sometimes in a large meeting, like a training, the brother speaking from the podium would refer to personal information that had been shared with him. Often without naming the person, but not always. In my locality the elders had the perspective that nothing was truly confidential. Saints felt compelled to share their own struggles, and what they knew about other people's struggles. If someone repeatedly missed meetings, for example, there would be an interest in why, without much thought of covering the person (not that missing meetings is such a big deal, but they treated it that way). I watched elders and leading brothers force full-timers to divulge personal information about those they served. If someone was in a serious relationship (boyfriend-girlfriend), even at an early stage, it would be forced into the open. Sometimes there would be instant pressure to get married. I literally heard an elder mock the concept of privacy. I learned not to share confidential information (my own, or someone else's) with anyone. But I was pressured, and felt guilty for not complying. If someone was an alcoholic, or struggling with pornography, or had a medical issue, there was no guarantee that it would be kept secret.

As others have recommended, find a counselor you can trust, who will keep your information confidential.

In my current church, I have a gay friend who is celibate. He credits the power of the Holy Spirit. He admits it's not an easy road. I'm not presuming anything for you. One book on the subject I have heard good things about: Washed and Waiting, by Wesley Hill.

I hope this helps. Grace to you in your journey.

Originally Posted by Suggestion

I would be very careful of letting anyone in the local churches know about what you are struggling with. In my experience, any personal struggle that was shared with someone could either become the subject of gossip, or worse, something openly talked about in the meetings.

This has been my experience too. No one is truly "covered" from anything, sin or not.

Reminds me of Noah and his son Ham: "And Noah began to be an husbandman, and planted a vineyard: and he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without. And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness."

[Nell]

Hi Unregistered!

Thank you for your participation on the Local Church Discussions forum. We hope you will consider becoming a forum member. All you need to do is send an email to 4RegLCD@gmail.com along with your desired user name.

Registering as a member will set you apart from other anonymous users who post as "Unregistered".

Thanks again and Welcome!

Nell

[nimbus]

Definitely join thelordsrecoverydiscussions !