Moved from Main Page: We Should Do Something

[ExChurchKid]

Hi all,
I was forced by my parents to grow up in the churchlife, and it was terrible. I felt judged, shamed, controlled, and isolated. But somehow, I also felt like I had to stay, because of the brainwashing. It took much therapy and the experience of the outside world throughout undergrad and grad school for me to realize that I was normal, and the church was not. Not the other way around, which I had always thought. I had always seen myself as abnormal for not experiencing the Lord, or feeling Him in me, or all these other things that were supposedly what the churchlife was about. I just learned to do whatever it was I wanted to do the least (i.e. read a fantasy novel, or a ministry book? Better read a ministry book because I need to deny myself and that's probably what God wants anyway because the novel sounds more fun).

But I'm free! I finally got financially independent, emotional independent, and left. Now I rarely talk to either churchlife people, or even my parents. I've come to realize that growing up in the churchlife (and for reference, I was born in the 90s), and then leaving, is a unique experience that only other ex-church kids can truly understand. People still in the church don't understand, and neither do people who never experienced the local churches. So in conclusion, I think we should do something. I'm so grateful I found this website (it was recommended to me by someone on Reddit who says they're a minor stuck in the churchlife because their parents are forcing them, which I think is terrible). Is there anything we can do? Can we help the current church kids to not have to go through what we went through? Can we expose the truth of the local churches? I read about a libel suit in the 80s that the local churches actually won, by suing the authors and publishers of a couple of books that I think tell the truth about the churches. I think those books should be back in print. I feel somewhat powerless and lost.

Thanks for reading!

[Acolyte4236]

I wrote this to help people coming out of various abusive groups. You might find it helpful.

https://energeticprocession.wordpres...ing-your-cult/

[Curious]

Hi, Exchurchkid, great to hear from you.

To address you question.... In a free society, there are limits to what can be done, and the LC is one of many abberant groups. They are more subtle and insidious than most which is the thing that gets my heckles up about them! (the most concerning factor about them). I mean, the jehovas witness and the Mormons have a clear reputation that goes before them, but who's heard of the LC's? Even their lack of a clear defining name helps keep it under the radar to the general public.

This forum is one of the ways to reach people trapped inside. Sadly, we can't do more than create something for people to choose to look into, and they have to be brave or extremely disillusioned, or angry enough to do so.

An encouraging thing recently has been the unusually high numbers of new posters among people such as yourself. Ex-church kids, and younger generation people who maybe joined through a campus outreach, and have been in long enough to have seen through it, but not long enough to be so intimidated or deeply indoctrinated. This plus other sites on the Internet committed to this cause, and one-on-one personal contact with members, (tackling the mind games head-on, not an easy task) is the best that can be done that I can think of, anyway.

The other aspect about a free society is that a person IS free to leave, and retribution from the LC itself has to he limited to what is legal. They can't do a literal 'witch-hunt' to destroy you, only play psychological warfare with words. Damaging enough yes, but not as bad as past episodes of church history!

Focusing on one's own full recovery is the best first move. I wish you well on your journey!!

[Trapped]

Welcome ExChurchKid! (How was that username not already taken??)

Glad to see another fellow church kid on this forum.

I don't have time to say much at the moment, but as far as doing something, I personally think the more web presence out there, the better.

The local churches only exist at this point because of the heavy drive on college campuses to get naive, uncertain college students in their clutches. Without that influx, the local churches would be steadily dropping in numbers.

The best way to reach college students is to put more online about what the local churches really are. Jacob Howard's site, www.thelordsrecovery.org is a good example, as is his personal example of the way he interacts with existing members who disagree. It is commonplace now that when you encounter something new - a restaurant, a store, a product, a campus club - you google it. You look it up. You see what others have to say. College students have come across Jacob's site this way, and they have chosen to leave the church (or the campus club) as a result. This is exactly what's needed, the way I see it.

So there needs to be more out there with what we have to say about the local church. Use the right keywords. Use the right metatags. So when new people do inevitably look it up, they see real people's real experiences and educated comments about the local church and the abusive teachings, doctrines, and practices. That alone is a huge step up from what the rest of us had.

Hope you post more.

Trapped

P.S. but what's put online also needs to be the right content. Not rage-filled anger and sounding like a lunatic. Not 8 different fonts and outdated appearances. Not rambling about unrelated personal experiences. It needs to be clean, easily navigatable, logical, reasoned, Biblically-based, and condemning the right things - the teachings and the ones who defend the controlling teachings - rather than the general saints as a whole. The saints are the sheep being mistreated by wicked shepherds. Sheep won't respond if the content condemns them directly.

Just my two cents.

[Trapped]

Originally Posted by Trapped

Welcome ExChurchKid! (How was that username not already taken??) Glad to see another fellow church kid on this forum.

Just to tie this back to what you are - a church kid - real quick (and again, I'm short on time, sorry), but I wanted to add one thing in case it seemed like I was focusing on the new college students rather than on another equally important group, the church kids. Websites that expose the teachings would serve the church kids, both in and out, just as much as it would the new college recruits, because it's the teachings that enslave and entrap. And it's the teachings that are the psychological binds that tie so many deflated and downtrodden church-kid-adults and keep them judged, shamed, controlled, and dependent, just like you described feeling.

The sheer volume of layers of chains and padlocks that the local church deftly wraps around and closes tightly around its members takes years to unwind and unshackle. I feel like I can write circles around a few of the more major doctrines of error the local church holds to, and yet I still find myself operating according to those same doctrines of error in my daily thought life and action life more often than I'd like to admit. More websites about the erroneous and unbiblical teachings are a critical part of the unchaining process, at least the way I see it, because it 1) says that there are people who speak up when the church life atmosphere is designed to be so opposite to that, and 2) allows for that first crack in the armor that there are people who know "the ministry" and had the same experience growing up as the ones reading the site, and yet see genuine issues with it. For me, it was one crack in the armor - the error of claiming "we are not a denomination" when what we did was so much worse (hyperfocusing on a person-wise) than what we despised the denominations for doing. Once that crack was allowed to exist, I realized that absolutely everything else was up for questioning. And once you can question things, then they all fall apart pretty quickly.

Congratulations, by the way, on becoming free and independent!! [insert confetti emoji here] I totally get what you mean about feeling like it is a unique experience that not many people will get. It's true. Especially once you leave, you don't "fit" with the people still in, and you feel like a weirdo trying to explain to others what your previous life was like and its effects. It's a bit isolating, unfortunately, because there are usually so many things you are trying to sort out and yet may have really no one to talk to about it! You are of course welcome to post here, and there are counselors out there who understand what "abusive churches" are (which is what the local churches are), but it's a rare counselor who has the necessary gamut of skills, training, and personal life experiences who can handle the range of issues that a former church kid ends up having to grapple with. But it's still worth looking for, as far as I'm concerned.

I also am right there with you on feeling abnormal for "not experiencing the Lord, or feeling Him in me", etc. But guess what? I came to find out decades later as an adult that those same church kids I grew up with who I looked at thinking THEY were "experiencing" the Lord when I wasn't myself, are now struggling and tripping up and faltering over the local church just like me. So much of it for church kids was outward appearance while a whole storyline of other thoughts, feelings, opinions, and emotions was going on inside. And like is so typical in abusive churches, no one could or would talk about the truth of what they were really thinking or going through.

The other side is, how can anyone "enjoy" or want to "experience" the condemning, threatening, oppressing "god" of the local church? No wonder church kids struggle so much in that area!! It's not the real God!

I'm also there with you when it comes to "normal fun thing vs ministry/Bible/God". The local church is all about denying yourself when God isn't asking you to deny yourself. The truth is we are supposed to deny ourselves when it's relative to obedience to God, but not just for the sake of denying ourselves any fun when God isn't asking us to. I still have a hard time with "frivolous fun" (games, sports, hobbies, etc) because it's been so hardwired into me that getting any pleasure or enjoyment out of anything is wrong. We were cheated, I'll just say that.

But God takes what others have abused, and renews them instead.

As I said in my previous post, hope you'll post more.

Trapped

[SerenityLives]

Welcome Exchurchkid! You are not alone. I am also a 90s kid who was raised and born in the LC. If you ever want to talk, shoot me a PM. Just letting you know that it was a confusing time and difficult for me when I left as well, it happened in stages, I saw some things wrong when I was in middle school, then high school, then the pivotal moment was in college where I just started attending less and less meetings until almost everyone was used to me being absent. I’m really really happy you are out. when I was 19, I also wanted to tell the whole world, including my parents (my parents already knew that there was something wrong with the church but my mom grew up in it as well and my father was ingrained since college), but tbh I found that you cant really convince the crazy haha. Or even have the litigation money since you know, poor millenials and such. first few years I was just working on myself, exploring other church groups, pursuing my hobbies, even changing my career plans twice to help and give back to the community in other ways, and most importantly, seeking a counselor or talking to ex LCers , especially ex LC kids to normalize your experience. There’s only so much we can do, but I believe that the biggest change to making my family less prone to recruiting me back into the church was seeing me grow and mature into a successful adult and being able to handle all sorts of situations and live in a way that brings you happiness.

[countmeworthy]

Welcome Serenitylives and ex church kid

There are lots of topics to explore here. People are very helpful to answer your questions.

Keep in mind everyone’s experience in the LC is different. In addition, Everyone ‘s level of spirituality is different too. Not everyone is on the same page. Even when scriptures are quoted to express a thought, it is their thought, their insight.

At the end of the day The Holy Spirit of God the Father and Jesus The Son and Savior is our Teacher and our Counselor. He reveals the Word of God to us that we may grow in God’s Love, Patience and Wisdom

Blessings,
Carol

[countmeworthy]

Originally Posted by SerenityLives

I found that you cant really convince the crazy haha. Or even have the litigation money since you know, poor millenials and such. first few years I was just working on myself, exploring other church groups, pursuing my hobbies, even changing my career plans twice to help and give back to the community in other ways, and most importantly, seeking a counselor or talking to ex LCers , especially ex LC kids to normalize your experience. There’s only so much we can do, but I believe that the biggest change to making my family less prone to recruiting me back into the church was seeing me grow and mature into a successful adult and being able to handle all sorts of situations and live in a way that brings you happiness.

You are correct SerenityLives one cannot change or convince “the crazies” in the LC. But GOD CAN!! And if they are truly seeking Him, He will set the prisoners free. He did it with you and all of us here.

I commend you for ‘working out your salvation’ through exploring church groups, pursuing hobbies even counseling. I am more than sure Father God is smiling at you.

[ExChurchKid]

Originally Posted by countmeworthy

You are correct SerenityLives one cannot change or convince “the crazies” in the LC. But GOD CAN!! And if they are truly seeking Him, He will set the prisoners free. He did it with you and all of us here.

I commend you for ‘working out your salvation’ through exploring church groups, pursuing hobbies even counseling. I am more than sure Father God is smiling at you.

Hey Carol,
I appreciate the kind words to SerenityLives and myself, but I would request that you be careful with the religious rhetoric. Like you said, everyone's experience and level of spirituality is different. God is not my teacher or counselor, at least not at the moment. I feel no need to "work out my own salvation", and I sure don't feel like any all-powerful entity is smiling at me at the moment. I respect your beliefs, but personally, I'm a bit agnostic after everything I went through growing up. I hope you're right about God convincing the true believers that the LCs are crazy, but my journey of leaving the LCs had nothing to do with God. He did not set me free. In my experience, he was keeping me prisoner and I set myself free. Since not everyone's experience is the same, please don't lump us all into the same boat by saying God set all of us here free. At least, please don't lump me into that boat.

[Trapped]

Originally Posted by ExChurchKid

Hey Carol,
I appreciate the kind words to SerenityLives and myself, but I would request that you be careful with the religious rhetoric. Like you said, everyone's experience and level of spirituality is different. God is not my teacher or counselor, at least not at the moment. I feel no need to "work out my own salvation", and I sure don't feel like any all-powerful entity is smiling at me at the moment. I respect your beliefs, but personally, I'm a bit agnostic after everything I went through growing up. I hope you're right about God convincing the true believers that the LCs are crazy, but my journey of leaving the LCs had nothing to do with God. He did not set me free. In my experience, he was keeping me prisoner and I set myself free. Since not everyone's experience is the same, please don't lump us all into the same boat by saying God set all of us here free. At least, please don't lump me into that boat.

ExChurchKid, would you be willing to say more about your experience here? i.e. what is your view of God, how did you arrive at that conclusion, etc?

I'm asking because as a church kid who was saved in the local church, my salvation experience was this:

1. got saved
2. hated God for the next few decades
3. only recently found out that the local church preaches about a "god" that is not of the Bible, and am starting to see there is good evidence He 1) exists, and 2) is totally different from what the local church teaches.

I felt like God had me in a straightjacket for years and years as He gleefully watched me suffer in distress, but that was the local church tentacles choking me, while the real creator God was slowly getting me out of the local church so I could hear about Him in the very place I had been told He wasn't - in "evil Christianity".

Anyway, my purpose isn't to preach at you or evangelize, but just to hear some of your thoughts, experiences, conclusions, because I think a lot of church kids have some very intense feelings about God, understandably so, and I also think it's a good thing to be able to get those feelings/thoughts out, if you are comfortable to.

I would just ask any others reading on this thread not to try to "correct" anything ExChurchkid says in response, if she responds to my question, but just to listen and understand.

[ExChurchKid]

Originally Posted by Trapped

ExChurchKid, would you be willing to say more about your experience here? i.e. what is your view of God, how did you arrive at that conclusion, etc?

I'm asking because as a church kid who was saved in the local church, my salvation experience was this:

1. got saved
2. hated God for the next few decades
3. only recently found out that the local church preaches about a "god" that is not of the Bible, and am starting to see there is good evidence He 1) exists, and 2) is totally different from what the local church teaches.

I felt like God had me in a straightjacket for years and years as He gleefully watched me suffer in distress, but that was the local church tentacles choking me, while the real creator God was slowly getting me out of the local church so I could hear about Him in the very place I had been told He wasn't - in "evil Christianity".

Anyway, my purpose isn't to preach at you or evangelize, but just to hear some of your thoughts, experiences, conclusions, because I think a lot of church kids have some very intense feelings about God, understandably so, and I also think it's a good thing to be able to get those feelings/thoughts out, if you are comfortable to.

I would just ask any others reading on this thread not to try to "correct" anything ExChurchkid says in response, if she responds to my question, but just to listen and understand.

Hey Trapped,
That's a really insightful question, thanks for asking. I definitely feel a lot of the same things you're describing, although I don't have a problem with Christianity in general. I've been to a few Catholic masses and they're boring and somewhat pointless in my opinion, but they don't make me angry. Same for a Methodist funeral I went to. I just don't like having religion or God shoved in my face. I cant stand listening to the type of praying or pray-reading or calling on the name of the Lord that happens in an LC. The terminology they use still gets to me. I'd say I'm agnostic at the moment, but for some reason I still read my Bible every night (no footnotes ugh), and I pray in my head in the morning sometimes while I'm in the shower or whatever. Mostly what I need from God right now, if he even cares, is to fix the damage. Even if the LCs got everything crazy wrong, I still tried for 2 decades to be a good Christian. I think that should count for something, but I'm left with anxiety, depression, chronic pain, and a severe lack of close family and friends. It really grinds my gears when someone talks to me in a way that attributes beliefs to me that I don't agree with.