Guilt is eating at me like a starving rat

[stillseekingtruth]

I can’t take it. I’m consumed with guilt and fear. I’m convinced the sisters will find out that I’m speaking against the LSM and I’m going to Suffer.

[least]

Originally Posted by stillseekingtruth

I can’t take it. I’m consumed with guilt and fear. I’m convinced the sisters will find out that I’m speaking against the LSM and I’m going to Suffer.

Luke 8:50.
But when Jesus heard it, he answered him, saying, Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole.

Dear stillseekingtruth, fear not.
You believe in The Lord Jesus Christ. He can save you.
He is our Lord and saviour, only fear Him. Only fear God.

The Lord Jesus himself teaches us how to pray. (Matthew 6)

9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

11 Give us this day our daily bread.

12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

stillseekingtruth, Our Father in heaven takes care of us in every aspect of our life. He leads us not into temptation but delivers us from evil. For His is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever.
This we 'Amen'.
-

[Sons to Glory!]

Seek Him. He loves us. "Perfect love drives out all fear, because fear involves torment." 1 John 4:18

Are you in torment with fear? Then this applies to you. God is love & light. Does what you are experiencing feel like light or darkness?

Praying for you that you find Him in a real way and know His love!

[stillseekingtruth]

Originally Posted by Sons to Glory!

Seek Him. He loves us. "Perfect love drives out all fear, because fear involves torment." 1 John 4:18

Are you in torment with fear? Then this applies to you. God is love & light. Does what you are experiencing feel like light or darkness?

Praying for you that you find Him in a real way and know His love!

Honestly it’s the fear of man. and I have superstition that something bad is going to happen to me if the saints find out what I’ve done. And maybe God will be mad at me, too

[Sons to Glory!]

Originally Posted by stillseekingtruth

Honestly it’s the fear of man. and I have superstition that something bad is going to happen to me if the saints find out what I’ve done. And maybe God will be mad at me, too

God loves you and is not mad at you! I can say that with scriptural & experiential certainty. Shoot mon - He loves you so much He died for you!

[TLFisher]

Originally Posted by stillseekingtruth

Honestly it’s the fear of man. and I have superstition that something bad is going to happen to me if the saints find out what I’ve done. And maybe God will be mad at me, too

A verse I commented on Facebook today from Proverbs 29:25
Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

This was my problem too as well may have been with others. Being fearful of man when I should have been fearful of God.
Caring too much about my reputation
Livelong relationships developed in the local churches
Relationships with my parents (which is still a problem)
Before I married I cared too much about my living situation in the brother's house.
All in all it was far easier to keep quiet than it was to speak up.

[Cal]

What you are experiencing is 1000% not God. God does not operate that way. He doesn't condemn, he corrects. He doesn't accuse, he actualizes. He doesn't hurt, he heals. The fear you are experiencing is of Satan. Do not respect it. Get a book of God's promises or look them up on the internet and read the verses over and over. Pray them back to God. Stand on his positive love for you. God uplifts, he upholds, he saves, he does not tear down.

[Truthseeker]

Originally Posted by Sons to Glory!

Seek Him. He loves us. "Perfect love drives out all fear, because fear involves torment." 1 John 4:18
Are you in torment with fear? Then this applies to you. God is love & light. Does what you are experiencing feel like light or darkness?
Praying for you that you find Him in a real way and know His love!

Yeah! Do you know LSM always feed us by fear not by love ? We always are under abusive and fearful environment not love. Do you think so ?

[stillseekingtruth]

Originally Posted by Truthseeker

Yeah! Do you know LSM always feed us by fear not by love ? We always are under abusive and fearful environment not love. Do you think so ?

Yes. Fear, dying to self, downplaying genuine and proper human reactions, robbing individuals of their right to reason, think, and make educated judgements. Especially as a sister. The sisters are second class and without a husband as your ‘covering’ you’re pretty much eaten alive. I remember at an SSOT when a sister asked if she could do the translation work because she spoke English and Portuguese and the bros said no because she’s a sister. Not long after I heard sisters translating the messages during a conference. How confused was I! So, did he mean only what was written and not spoken? I don’t know. Anyway, there was a video on Facebook yesterday, not there today, but the sister shared about her experience in the LC and how she was in an abusive relationship with her husband. She received no help from the elders and even told that she wasn’t “dead” to herself and that’s why she cried. Seriously??? Where do the bros get off? I know a sister from a locality I used to meet him whose husband was abusive. She went to the bros over and over asking for help. She was told to submit to her husband, go to the meetings, and get into the ministry. At one point she even asked her then sixteen year old daughter to commit suicide with her. Praise God He intervened! In a separate locality, this sister used to tell me how her husband was never home to help care for her and the children because he was always with the bros or caring for a young brother. I was told by an elder in my locality that she was ‘planting negative seeds’ in my mind and I have to be careful. There were other issues in the church she brought up about how the sisters always cook and watch the kids while the bros sit back, meet and eat. She was a successful doctor and that was frowned upon by the elder in my locality. Sad sad sad. So at one point (I used to babysit for her) she just randomly said that she is not allowed to talk about the church anymore to me. Ok. So whatever

[UntoHim]

Originally Posted by stillseekingtruth

I know a sister from a locality I used to meet him whose husband was abusive. She went to the bros over and over asking for help. She was told to submit to her husband, go to the meetings, and get into the ministry.

Unfortunately, I think this kind of situation is much more common then many of us ever imagined. Instead of "doing their job" and dealing with the obvious sin of the abuser, the elders demanded that the victim be silent and thus exposed her to further abuse. This was not only a patently evil and unrighteous thing to do by the elders, it was quite likely to be criminal.

Recently, in that meeting of 900 former FTTA trainees, Local Church PR man, Chris Wilde, boldly proclaimed that anything "criminal" will be reported to "the proper authorities". Probably too late for the hundreds of sisters and children you have been abused over the years. Better late then never? I guess we shall see.
-

[Nell]

Originally Posted by stillseekingtruth

I can’t take it. I’m consumed with guilt and fear. I’m convinced the sisters will find out that I’m speaking against the LSM and I’m going to Suffer.

We know who the starving rat is, and it’s NOT YOU!

This is spiritual warfare and you’re in a FIGHT!

I once heard a young brother who, like you, was consumed with fear and guilt, intentionally misquote the verse as follows:

“Perfect fear casts out all love.”

A misquote for sure, but somehow revealing of his condition. He was gripped in fear and God’s love seemed far away.

Someone is lying to you. Someone is tormenting you. Who? Who is the “father of lies”? Who is the tormentor? God loves you but God’s enemy hates you! God is not the author of fear. Pray specifically to your Heavenly Father to “bind the strong man”. Pray to the Lord Jesus that he would protect and cover you from the father of lies. This is spiritual warfare. Satan hates you for telling the truth, and he knows his days are short. He will throw everything in his evil book at you, to make your life miserable and doubt the One who will shortly send him to the lake of fire. Again, this is spiritual warfare.

If you believe a lie, you will live a lie. You can’t live beyond what you believe. Don’t believe the liar...the father of lies! We wrestle not against flesh and blood and “the sisters” but against principalities and powers in heavenly places. You have everything you need, the truth of God’s word, to fight back! This battle has already been won!

Stillseekingtruth, this is the truth!

Nell

[Jo S]

Originally Posted by stillseekingtruth

I can’t take it. I’m consumed with guilt and fear. I’m convinced the sisters will find out that I’m speaking against the LSM and I’m going to Suffer.

Sst, by your introduction it seems you left the LC 4 years ago. May I ask why you are concerned about these sisters? Are you still in a relationship with them?

But just as Igzy said, God doesn't tear down. However, He is an all consuming fire. A stone structure won't be effected by flames, but any wood, hay, or stubble present in the house and on the property will be. God is like a fire. If you allow Him, He will burn up everything that doesn't provide real structure in your walk.

God is light. No darkness can stand in His presence, including fear. Maybe there are certain things in your life casting a shadow and standing in between you and the Lord that needs addressing? Could it perhaps be through this yoke you are maintaining with these sisters?...

[stillseekingtruth]

Originally Posted by Jo S

Sst, by your introduction it seems you left the LC 4 years ago. May I ask why you are concerned about these sisters? Are you still in a relationship with them?

But just as Igzy said, God doesn't tear down. However, He is an all consuming fire. A stone structure won't be effected by flames, but any wood, hay, or stubble present in the house and on the property will be. God is like a fire. If you allow Him, He will burn up everything that doesn't provide real structure in your walk.

God is light. No darkness can stand in His presence, including fear. Maybe there are certain things in your life casting a shadow and standing in between you and the Lord that need addressing? Could it perhaps be through this yoke you are maintaining with these sisters?...

I’m ashamed to admit I keep up appearances to maintain peace with my aunt and while I agree that the LC has many cult-like tendencies it is the only “way” I’ve known. I gave myself to Christ and the church (meaning the LC) to go to a denomination is worse than pursuing on my own. It’s like getting a divorce and not being allowed to ‘remarry’ because the ‘divorce’ wasn’t legit or hasn’t ‘gone through.’ Deep within I still hold onto that ridiculous belief that the LC is the only way. I don’t even know why. It’s truly an enigma to me- these thoughts that consume and contradict

[Sons to Glory!]

Originally Posted by stillseekingtruth

I’m ashamed to admit I keep up appearances to maintain peace with my aunt and while I agree that the LC has many cult-like tendencies it is the only “way” I’ve known. I gave myself to Christ and the church (meaning the LC) to go to a denomination is worse than pursuing on my own. It’s like getting a divorce and not being allowed to ‘remarry’ because the ‘divorce’ wasn’t legit or hasn’t ‘gone through.’ Deep within I still hold onto that ridiculous belief that the LC is the only way. I don’t even know why. It’s truly an enigma to me- these thoughts that consume and contradict

There's only one hope for you now. Yes, it's finally come down to this - You must trust God to rescue you!

Have you gone for a nice walk, or closed yourself "in the closet" and asked Him to shine light? If not, do it. If you have done this already, keep asking and know He will answer in His way and time.

[least]

Originally Posted by stillseekingtruth

I gave myself to Christ and the church (meaning the LC) to go to a denomination is worse than pursuing on my own. It’s like getting a divorce and not being allowed to ‘remarry’ because the ‘divorce’ wasn’t legit or hasn’t ‘gone through.’ Deep within I still hold onto that ridiculous belief that the LC is the only way. I don’t even know why. It’s truly an enigma to me- these thoughts that consume and contradict

Two issues here: -

(1) What is the basis (in the bible) for 'giving oneself to Christ AND the church' ?
Ephesians 5:3
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
In context: -
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Romans 12:1
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

Marriage and divorce is between a man and a woman.
Not between a christian and a certain 'church'. Regardless of whether a 'certain church' is the only way or not.
(In the old testament scripture, wife and divorce is mentioned in relation between God and Israel. Pls correct me if I'm wrong here.)

II Corinthians 11:2
For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.

Christ and the church is not married yet. It will happen as written in the book of Revelation. Revelation chapter 19.
(No mention of divorce happening between Christ and the church, correct me if I'm wrong).
-

[Cal]

Originally Posted by stillseekingtruth

I’m ashamed to admit I keep up appearances to maintain peace with my aunt and while I agree that the LC has many cult-like tendencies it is the only “way” I’ve known. I gave myself to Christ and the church (meaning the LC) to go to a denomination is worse than pursuing on my own. It’s like getting a divorce and not being allowed to ‘remarry’ because the ‘divorce’ wasn’t legit or hasn’t ‘gone through.’ Deep within I still hold onto that ridiculous belief that the LC is the only way. I don’t even know why. It’s truly an enigma to me- these thoughts that consume and contradict

This is natural because you've been conditioned to feel this way.

Actually, many LCers do not really know the Lord well. They don't realize how much their "walk" is just going with the program. Then when they try to operate outside of it, they don't really have the established relationship with God. So the transition is bumpy.

This is a real battle. I went through it. Just keep praying and keep going back to the word. I was serious about getting one of those little books that contain nothing but God's promises, and reading and praying them back to God every day.

But Jo S is right. YOU have to discover between YOU AND GOD just what HE is telling YOU to do, without the LR filtering or distortions. In other words, YOU have to ask, seek and knock until YOU YOURSELF break through to GOD. That's a relationship. Others can help, but eventually YOU have to find out what's REAL.

[HERn]

From Terry. "All in all it was far easier to keep quiet than it was to speak up."

The book " The Silence of Adam" might help us men who choose silence when when the Spirit is yearning for honesty and speaking the truth in love.

[Sons to Glory!]

This does bring up an interesting topic (which I've actually seen mentioned on this forum a couple times at least). That is, we are to give ourselves to Christ, but where does it say we should give ourselves to the church? Good question! So I've been thinking about this, and found myself thinking, "Well of course we should give ourselves to the church. Christ in in His body, and He gave Himself for the church, right?

But as the song says, "In Christ alone I put my trust!" So as with anything, if we focus on that instead of Him, it is a distraction at the very least. For example, we want the "church life" so we focus on that, and that becomes something apart - a distraction - from Him. (And I think that's been said on here too before - hallelujah for the "Wisdom" in the body!)

So Christ gave Himself for the church. Therefore if we pursue Christ, Christ in us will do the giving to the church. But if I try to work all that up apart from Him, it's no good.

[stillseekingtruth]

Originally Posted by Igzy

This is natural because you've been conditioned to feel this way.

Actually, many LCers do not really know the Lord well. They don't realize how much their "walk" is just going with the program. Then when they try to operate outside of it, they don't really have the established relationship with God. So the transition is bumpy.

This is a real battle. I went through it. Just keep praying and keep going back to the word. I was serious about getting one of those little books that contain nothing but God's promises, and reading and praying them back to God every day.

But Jo S is right. YOU have to discover between YOU AND GOD just what HE is telling YOU to do, without the LR filtering or distortions. In other words, YOU have to ask, seek and knock until YOU YOURSELF break through to GOD. That's a relationship. Others can help, but eventually YOU have to find out what's REAL.

It's so difficult to know what's 'real.' I so often find myself repeating Pilate's question, "What is truth?" What is it to believe? Where does our belief come from? How much responsibility do we truly have as man? The way that the BB's twisted octrine and scripture to make it sound like they were the final authority it audacious. Yet, I'm trapped. I'm caught up in the sticky web of lies and I can't distinguish what is true anymore. Where are you, Oh my God? Are you even real? Yes. I know He's real. Yes. I see Him in His word and in creation, but who am I? Why did God choose me? What is my reponsiblity in this relationship?

[HERn]

Originally Posted by stillseekingtruth

It's so difficult to know what's 'real.' I so often find myself repeating Pilate's question, "What is truth?" What is it to believe? Where does our belief come from? How much responsibility do we truly have as man? The way that the BB's twisted octrine and scripture to make it sound like they were the final authority it audacious. Yet, I'm trapped. I'm caught up in the sticky web of lies and I can't distinguish what is true anymore. Where are you, Oh my God? Are you even real? Yes. I know He's real. Yes. I see Him in His word and in creation, but who am I? Why did God choose me? What is my reponsiblity in this relationship?

Why not ask the Lord to help you put all of the confusion and doubting away for just five minutes while you start reading the book of Mark in a version with zero footnotes. Read until you sense an emotion or a question and then talk to the Lord about what you read and the emotion you felt or the question you have. For example, let's say that while you were reading you felt love and appreciation for the Lord for His care for someone, you could tell the Lord that you feel love for Him for being such a compassionate Savior and ask Him to help you show compassion to someone, or to help you have faith in Him to see the compassion He shows to you. If you feel like He has not been showing compassion to you recently you can tell Him that also. Or you could ask Him a why or help me to understand question. Of course there are times to come to the Bible for serious study. If this doesn't work for you that's fine, it could be just my personality.

[aron]

Originally Posted by stillseekingtruth

I’m ashamed to admit I keep up appearances to maintain peace with my aunt and while I agree that the LC has many cult-like tendencies it is the only “way” I’ve known. I gave myself to Christ and the church (meaning the LC) to go to a denomination is worse than pursuing on my own.

It’s like getting a divorce and not being allowed to ‘remarry’ because the ‘divorce’ wasn’t legit or hasn’t ‘gone through.’ Deep within I still hold onto that ridiculous belief that the LC is the only way. I don’t even know why. It’s truly an enigma to me- these thoughts that consume and contradict.

This kind of post is important to the discussion as it shows the dilemma people are in, trying to dis-entangled from the web that's the LC. It's a social web, family and friends, occasionally a financial web (housing, job) and a thought-web, with the subject unable to be "positive" toward non-LC Christian fellowship because they're "Babylonian" and God hates Babylon.

One knows something's wrong but can't figure out what, and concludes that it's actually oneself that failed, rather than the system that's ensnared them. This post is important because most get so discouraged at that point they don't even speak up. They just go crawl in a hole. This person spoke up, in the midst of the paranoia and confusion.

It took me years to dis-entangle. Here is my story.

I think every kid just wants someone to tell them that they're loved. I ended up "looking for love in all the wrong places" as the saying goes. Somehow I ended up in church, trying to turn my sorry life around. I knew I was "wrong", a sinner. But the pastor only shook my hand at the door, after the Sunday sermon was over.

Then I came into the LC and got 'love-bombed' and sucked into the vortex.

Eventually I left, and looking back I think there were two main reasons. First, I got in an snit with the FTTA 'trainer' about serving the poor. Jesus taught to give to those who can't repay you in this age, and your reward will be great in the age to come. But the LSM employee told us, "Don't waste your time". I rebuffed his speaking with verses, in front of the group. It clearly didn't go over too well... I knew this was deemed 'independent' but I felt like I was being 'dependent', on the Bible that is. But the experience marked me out, that I had some inner 'truth' or 'voice' and wouldn't let go.

Second, after all the shouting and fist pumping died down, after all the 'perfecting' and 'training' was done, my problems and phobias resurfaced, and the inner demons started crying out again. It got real bad, and I was troubled. I went to the 'brothers', one by one, and one by one they made it clear that they weren't interested in listening to my problems. So really, there was no love there. So I left.

But I had all the teachings in my head. I was fully programmed, believe me. I'd go into a Christian meeting and they'd talk about something, and I'd be like, "That's not God's economy." I knew nothing of Philip Lee, of Daystar and the Young Galileans and the Little Bankers and the New Move. Years later, I met someone from the LC and they said, "Titus Chu rebelled" and I looked it up on the internet and here I am.

But it took a lot of work. And I imagine there's a long way to go. One day at a time.

Originally Posted by stillseekingtruth

It's so difficult to know what's 'real.' I so often find myself repeating Pilate's question, "What is truth?" What is it to believe? Where does our belief come from? How much responsibility do we truly have as man? The way that the BB's twisted doctrine and scripture to make it sound like they were the final authority it's audacious.

Yet, I'm trapped. I'm caught up in the sticky web of lies and I can't distinguish what is true anymore. Where are you, Oh my God? Are you even real? Yes. I know He's real. Yes. I see Him in His word and in creation, but who am I? Why did God choose me? What is my reponsiblity in this relationship?

I saw a documentary clip the other day, about a guy on tv named "Mr Rogers", who ran children's variety show on PBS -- someone did an interview with this black guy from Youngstown Ohio, like 60 years old, successful and articulate adult man of the world. They're asking him about what Mr. Rogers meant back then, and he's talking about what it was like being 7 or 8 years old in Youngstown, and being in his house, and Mr Rogers came on the telly.

The guy says, "No man had ever told me that I was loved before", and he starts crying. This is an adult man, 50 years later... Mr Rogers used to tell each kid listening, that they mattered, that they were ok, that they were exactly what and who they were supposed to be. He liked them just the way they were. And this kid didn't have anyone telling him that. But Mr. Rogers' voice reached him. Or, God's love through Mr. Rogers' voice reached him. And even remembering back through time, he could still feel the love.

To me, that's what it's all about. Just find someone a little worse off than you, your proverbial neighbor. Listen to them. Pay attention. Show them that you care. Show them that they do indeed matter. When you do, God's love will meet you there. Yes, Jesus and the Bible is important. But without love it's nothing. And we all can love. If we show love, we get love. That was the core of Jesus' teaching. And everything he did, everything he was, demonstrated this.

The Father loved us so much that He sent His Son. I mean, that's it.

[Sons to Glory!]

Originally Posted by aron

I saw a documentary clip the other day, about a guy on tv named "Mr Rogers", who ran children's variety show on PBS -- someone did an interview with this black guy from Youngstown Ohio, like 60 years old, successful and articulate adult man of the world. They're asking him about what Mr. Rogers meant back then, and he's talking about what it was like being 7 or 8 years old in Youngstown, and being in his house, and Mr Rogers came on the telly.

The guy says, "No man had ever told me that I was loved before", and he starts crying. This is an adult man, 50 years later... Mr Rogers used to tell each kid listening, that they mattered, that they were ok, that they were exactly what and who they were supposed to be. He liked them just the way they were. And this kid didn't have anyone telling him that. But Mr. Rogers' voice reached him. Or, God's love through Mr. Rogers' voice reached him. And even remembering back through time, he could still feel the love.

To me, that's what it's all about. Just find someone a little worse off than you, your proverbial neighbor. Listen to them. Pay attention. Show them that you care. Show them that they do indeed matter. When you do, God's love will meet you there. Yes, Jesus and the Bible is important. But without love it's nothing. And we all can love. If we show love, we get love. That was the core of Jesus' teaching. And everything he did, everything he was, demonstrated this.

The Father loved us so much that He sent His Son. I mean, that's it.

There it is - YES & AMEN!!!