I Left the Church 3 Years ago after Fighting with Depression

I left the church three years ago after fighting with depression. That was my ah ha moment that I relised the church was not for me . They told me God will always be there and to pray so I did nothing happened . Through strength of my self I continued on . The so called saints keep telling me God gives us burdens but ones we can bear, I asked why did he give me the burden of depression to the point I wanted to kill my self . What stoped me was an old family friend her son killed himself and she posted on Facebook about her grief. I saw what it did and that gave me strength to continue on. I never did tell her she saved my life that day from reading her Facebook post. I wondered why God gave her son something he could not handle and he killed himself. The Lord is our Father.

Oh did not get me started about what they do to the sisters . Be quit sister , dress modest sister , do not talk to the brothers sister. That church puts themselves in a bubble and tried to keep people in and the world out . I hope it pops and all the world comes in. They ruined me , but I am strong . I see their tricks and lies .

[kumbaya]

I'm sorry you are hurt- I hope you can find some comfort knowing that others have gone through similar things and we're able to talk about it and come to terms with it, slowly! There's a lot on here to read, it can be overwhelming. Praying that God gives you, and us all, peace today!

[Nell]

Thank you for telling us your story. I’m so sorry for your pain. Something else we were told is not to seek help outside the LC. That is, “just call on the Lord” etc. Sometimes a good Christian counselor can help to put things into perspective. One sister wrote about the “good ol’ boy” network that regulated the sisters to “put them in their place”.

I hope you will sign up and stay with us awhile.

Nell

[awareness]

Originally Posted by Nell

I hope you will sign up and stay with us awhile.

Nell

Me too. And I too am sorry for your pain. Maybe LCD can be cathartic.

[TLFisher]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Oh did not get me started about what they do to the sisters . Be quit sister , dress modest sister , do not talk to the brothers sister. That church puts themselves in a bubble and tried to keep people in and the world out . I hope it pops and all the world comes in. They ruined me , but I am strong . I see their tricks and lies .

Depression is a difficult subject to talk about. People suffer on varying levels and I need to be sensitive when discussing it. How I suffer, others may suffer more.
Talking about sisters, I have a teenage daughter. Both my teenagers when they were pre-teens was the age where I did not want them to be subjected what you're talking about. I wouldn't want serving ones overstepping their bounds how to tell my daughter how to dress or who to speak to.
Personally need to feel comfortable speaking with the opposite gender. How you cause a person to be dysfunctional is to say don't talk to boys, don't talk to girls. Once as adolescents you form a young person with a trails of do not's, it may take them years to recover if at all. In my opinion serving ones have been too careless in their zeal to serve young brothers and young sisters. Parents too have been careless in relinquishing their parental responsibility as some sort of "being one with the serving ones".
I may share a photo from my Facebook timeline what I consider to be normal healthy human environment for young brothers and sisters from Lakeside Bible Camp my children attended some years back.

[Bradley]

Originally Posted by Terry

Personally need to feel comfortable speaking with the opposite gender. How you cause a person to be dysfunctional is to say don't talk to boys, don't talk to girls. Once as adolescents you form a young person with a trails of do not's, it may take them years to recover if at all.

This is the main thing I'm still suffering from, but I'm pushing myself to get past it. All those years of not being allowed to have conversations with women take their toll! I take partner dancing lessons several times a week so I'm always talking to women now, all the time. I do bachata and kizomba, which can get quite close and intimate especially kizomba.

I don't go on many dates (I don't ask very often) but I'm feeling a lot more confident and natural in the presence of beautiful women, and am even getting the hang of flirting a little. I've made huge progress in the last year.

Only about 6 months ago I'd stutter a lot with beautiful women and I haven't done that for a long time. Also I'm a lot less needy now. No more beta male wimp! Putting that past behind me and not letting it define who I am.

[Cal]

Hey Bradley,

I like the video. Sexuality is an amazingly powerful thing, isn't it?

I don't know much about you. I don't know if you are average looking, handsome or otherwise. I don't want to know and you don't have to tell me. Because it doesn't really matter.

What matters is how you feel about yourself. And you should know that you are loved by God. You should be content with yourself. You matter. You were supposed to be. God made you because he wanted a Bradley. Confidence comes from accepting yourself as God accepts you. He loved you so much he was willing to die for you. That's how much he thinks about you. How can we feel bad about ourselves when that is true?

I have two teenage sons. They are very different. One is introverted and one is extroverted. I tell them again and again: Like yourself. Never wish you were anyone else. God likes you and he made you because he wanted a YOU. Don't ever apologize for being here because you are supposed to be here. You are loved and your gift is needed. That's what God thinks about you.

Bradley, somewhere out there is a woman for you. Pray that God brings her to you. Pray every day for her. Ask God to prepare both of you to meet each other. Trust that God loves you and is in control. He will handle things.

In the meantime, enjoy every day. Relax. Be happy. Be patient. Rest in the Lord. Cultivate confidence in who you are based upon that God made you and wanted you. It's true. Every day is not easy, but every day is a gift. So enjoy your days.

Igzy

[Bradley]

Originally Posted by Igzy

I like the video...

I thought it was a pretty harmless gif but the LCD editors edited it out anyway. Weird.

Originally Posted by Igzy

I don't know much about you. I don't know if you are average looking, handsome or otherwise. I don't want to know and you don't have to tell me. Because it doesn't really matter. What matters is how you feel about yourself.

Thanks. I think I'm a catch actually

Originally Posted by Igzy

And you should know that you are loved by God ... God made you because he wanted a Bradley. Confidence comes from accepting yourself as God accepts you.

I never thought of that. I like that, thanks. I forget that I am accepted by God. I mostly consider myself these days as some fallen sinner that God just rolls his eyes and puts up with me because he loves me, it never occurred to me that maybe he might actually think highly of me, like a biased father. But of course, every father is biased.

Originally Posted by Igzy

Don't ever apologize for being here because you are supposed to be here.

I didn't? You assumed that.

Originally Posted by Igzy

Bradley, somewhere out there is a woman for you. Pray that God brings her to you. Pray every day for her.

I disagree. Not about there being a woman out there, there are literally millions. I disagree that God will bring one to me if I pray.

I did that before I got married. I prayed hours every day for God to give me my 'rib'. I didn't get a rib, I got a dagger between the ribs. She was abusive, frigid, and marrying her was one of the biggest regrets in my life. I stayed with her for 6 years because I thought that God had given her to me as an answered prayer, I had called her my 'God Ordained Wife' (as a play on the 'God Ordained Way'). But she turned out to be so toxic that for the longest time I was upset with God for giving me such a horrible woman. Eventually the only way I could forgive Him was to accept the cold reality that He had not given her to me, I had made my own decision to marry her. I was giving God credit for something he had nothing to do with.

Instead of praying, I'm going to get good with women. Praying does not make you good with women, being with women makes you good with women. Dating makes you good with women.

To me, praying to meet the right woman is like praying for a successful business. I mean it can't hurt to do it on top of other things, but if thats your sole business plan you're in for a rude shock. You can't just pray, you need to come up with a strategy. You need to develop skills. You need to become savvy. You need persistence. You need to invest time, effort and money. You need to know what you're talking about.

Its not that I don't trust the Lord, I do. But I feel like maybe the Lord wants me to rise to the challenge of answering some of my own prayers. He can take care of the luck side of things and keep me safe but in becoming successful (whether materially or with women) its up to me to grow and fulfill my own destiny. We've been taught in the local churches about how evil independence is for so long but I disagree with that. Look at nature: The monarch butterfly, if you help it out of its cocoon you will kill it - it needs to struggle by itself. The baby deer needs to stand up and walk independent of its parents. Fish, when they hatch, don't even meet their parents as most of them just lay eggs and swim off - its up to them to survive and grow. That struggle the children go through strengthens them to become strong, healthy adults. Even in the human world, if you spoil a kid and give them everything they want and need on a silver platter, you make them weak and useless.

I love the Lord but I don't want to sit around and be weak just trusting that the Lord will do everything for me. I can't deal with my sin so I need him to do that, but becoming irresistible to women? Finding the woman of my dreams and having her fall hopelessly head over heels in love with me? To have a healthy and satisfying relationship with an amazing sex life? Thats a different ball park. I need to be proactive to become something **worthy of women's affection**, and God can't do that for me. Thats my job. If I sit and wait for it to happen, its like a kid wanting their dad to do their math homework for them.


But yeah besides that, thanks for the encouragement.

[Cal]

Originally Posted by Bradley

Instead of praying, I'm going to get good with women.

Why should they be mutually exclusive? I think you got the wrong idea from my post. I never suggested you not work on yourself. I never suggested you be passive. I just said be at peace and trust God.

Sounds like you went to one extreme in the LCM, and now you are going to another.

Trust me on this one, however active in your endeavors you plan to be, if you don't also trust that they are God's will (which is what faith is) then they are not going to work out for the best. And the only way to know God's will is to pray. It's never hurts to let God in on your plans. It gives him the opportunity to guide you.

Anyway, sounds like you have it all figured out for yourself anyway, so best wishes.

[UntoHim]

Originally Posted by Igzy

I like the video.

Originally Posted by Bradley

I thought it was a pretty harmless gif but the LCD editors edited it out anyway. Weird.

Sorry about that Bradley. To be honest with you, it was probably harmless for Igzy, you and me....but the thing is...we are not the only ones reading, lurking and participating on this public forum. There are women/sisters. There are probably teenage boys and girls. I have the unenviable task of taking into consideration that just about anybody could be reading/lurking on our little venue here. Thus, I have to error on the side of caution.

Originally Posted by Bradley

I can be both a sexual man and a spiritual man. I absolutely agree 100%, but I feel like mainstream Christianity does not agree. Mainstream Christianity would rather I be abstinent and asexual until I commit the rest of my life to one specific woman. I already did that and it didn't work out so well. You know Einstein's definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results - so I won't be making that mistake again.

I really appreciate your candor here. I must tell you though, it is actually God's idea that we "be abstinent and asexual until I commit the rest of my life to one specific woman". Your beef is not with the religion of mainstream Christianity as much as it is with God and his Word. I do, however, really sympathize with you and the position you find yourself in, and I know that Igzy does too. Both of us have been dealt some pretty big blows in our personal lives recently, so I just wanted you to know that we are not some stone cold bystanders rooting against you. We got some skin in the game too.

Hang in there my man. God is good. And if you give him enough time he will prove that to you every time.

Your brother who is (trying his best to be) Unto Him.
-

[HERn]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I left the church three years ago after fighting with depression. That was my ah ha moment that I relised the church was not for me . They told me God will always be there and to pray so I did nothing happened . Through strength of my self I continued on . The so called saints keep telling me God gives us burdens but ones we can bear, I asked why did he give me the burden of depression to the point I wanted to kill my self . What stoped me was an old family friend her son killed himself and she posted on Facebook about her grief. I saw what it did and that gave me strength to continue on. I never did tell her she saved my life that day from reading her Facebook post. I wondered why God gave her son something he could not handle and he killed himself. The Lord is our Father.

Oh did not get me started about what they do to the sisters . Be quit sister , dress modest sister , do not talk to the brothers sister. That church puts themselves in a bubble and tried to keep people in and the world out . I hope it pops and all the world comes in. They ruined me , but I am strong . I see their tricks and lies .

I am so glad you are alive and talking. It might be good if you could find a woman Christian therapist to talk with, and then find a group of non-LC Christian women for fellowship. I wish you the best.