Spouses in the local church

[Redman]

I am a married man who's wife has announced that her involvement with the LC must now be her top priority and I will be required to manage our married lives around her schedule. She has been involved with the LC for a number of years but, up to now, has has agreed to my request that her church time be limited and be flexible around our family's schedule. I recognize now that this day was inevitable and am searching for similiar situations from which I can learn and try maintain my marraige. I would appreciate hearing from former members or current spouses in situations like mine.

1) Pray. Pray desperately.
2) Are there other men in the same situation who you can discuss this with (not in the LC but with a wife in the LC)?
3) Surprisingly, there are a few elders in the LC who have integrity and who care about the family life. Do you know the LC elders in your city, and are there any who you can discuss this with?
4) Do you yourself have a group of Christians you can open this up to and pray with where you are?

I am a married man who's wife has announced that her involvement with the LC must now be her top priority and I will be required to manage our married lives around her schedule.

I am a woman, was in the LC a very long time, no longer a Christian or God-believer, and also have been married for a long time. But this is how I feel. YOU are the man, and as the man, you are the head of that family, and the family should come under YOU. No good can come out of having your wife set those kind of rules down, and any brother in the church who doesn't see this isn't worth his brothership. There is a natural order to things. A woman doesn't respect a man who doesn't take the lead. I would use the verses in the bible that clearly state about coming under your husband, even though he may be an unbeliever so that perhaps one day he may believe. To me, it is crazy to manage your married life around only HER schedule. YOU and your family have a "schedule" too, in which she is needed and should be involved. Put your foot down, gently but firmly.

My two cents.

[alwayslearning]

Here's a question you might ask yourself and maybe ask your wife too:

Does she love her church/Witness Lee's ministry via the LSM more than her husband and her family? If her answer is "yes" to that you will have to decide whether you want to stay in a marriage with a spouse who's heart is elsewhere. The psychological impact on you and your children either way will be profound. But having a wife in the situation as you are describing is like having a wife who is involved with a lover - and one who takes up most of her time. Can you live with that?

[Redman]

Thank you for your replies. I must admit to all that it has been a long time since I've had any spiritual feelings ( Catholic, long ago ) and I know this lack of spiritual leadership has helped to put my marraige where it is today. I intend to explore my local devotional options as part of my new mission. As for the suggestions I've received....I don't really have biblical knowledge so I can't quote any marraige related verses; any help here would be appreciated. I don't know anyone locally who has left the LC who I could counsel with. Sadly, the primary LC elder ( leader, in my opinion ) has actually been in the background encouraging my wife to make her stand, knowing full well that this could easily trigger a divorce response from me; he, along with his wife are ready to give her the support she would need to continue her life without me. This, of course, defies any Christian teachings that I'm aware of and yet my lovely wife is unable to see through the fog. So, as always, any suggestions are welcome.

[UntoHim]

Redman,

First of all, despite what your wife and/or the Local Church elders may tell you, the New Testament clearly instructs Christians that find themselves in your wife's position to STAY WITH THEIR SPOUSE. The only exception provided is in the case of adultery. I'll provide you with the biblical references if you want them. Unfortunately, the Local Church has fostered a culture that, in many cases, allows married people to ignore this biblical mandate in favor of fanatical devotion to their religion. It's sad but true.

Second may I recommend that you start to read the Gospels. (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, first 4 books of New Testament) Just a few verses a day, or as many as you like. These early Christian writings will provide you with a clear, unvarnished presentation of who Jesus Christ really is and what he is "all about". I am recommending this to you because we Christians do a really lousy job of presenting and representing our Lord and Savior. Besides it's always better to go right to the source anyway!

Lastly I would recommend marriage counselling. Your wife will probably resist this tooth and nail. Maybe if you could find a Christian counselor she might acquiesce.

Thanks for taking a chance and putting yourself out here by coming on the forum. You probably didn't realize how many opinionated people hand around a place like this. Most of us mean well....

I am a Christian, and you need to give your wife the freedom of worship that she needs. You are not her jailer, nor are you her dictator. You are her husband, and your mandate or order from God is to love your wife as Christ loved the church. Love is not controlling, demanding nor is it self-serving. Stop being a Pharoah, and let your wife go to the meetings of the local church as the Spirit leads her to go.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I am a Christian, and you need to give your wife the freedom of worship that she needs. You are not her jailer, nor are you her dictator. You are her husband, and your mandate or order from God is to love your wife as Christ loved the church. Love is not controlling, demanding nor is it self-serving. Stop being a Pharoah, and let your wife go to the meetings of the local church as the Spirit leads her to go.

"But to the married I charge, not I but the Lord, a wife must not be separated from her husband" 1 Cor 7:10

"A wife is bound for so long a time as her husband lives;" 1 Cor 7:39 exc.

The world is fallen, and our flesh is corrupt - in ourselves, that is, in our flesh, we are naturally allied with Satan rather than God. Divorce, which God hates, is a natural consequence of our sinful nature. That said, you have no right to excerpt half a verse of Scripture to promote a sin against our God as healthy or righteous. Wives, be subject to your husbands... that's the other half of the verse you left out. To advocate sin is to partake of it's guilt yourself. And where do you get that this husband is a jailor? By his account, his wife has been going to meetings for years - he has not stopped her.

I will pray for this man, that the Lord grant him wisdom and patience and that through the anguish of this the Lord might open the eyes of his household and gain more in them all.

In Christ,

[Ohio]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I am a Christian, and you need to give your wife the freedom of worship that she needs. You are not her jailer, nor are you her dictator. You are her husband, and your mandate or order from God is to love your wife as Christ loved the church. Love is not controlling, demanding nor is it self-serving. Stop being a Pharoah, and let your wife go to the meetings of the local church as the Spirit leads her to go.

These kinds of statements never help. There is nothing in Redman's posts that warrants this. Obviously Redman has not been doing what you have accused him of doing. He came here for help, and all the other replies so far have been quite good.

Redman is rightfully concerned because his dear wife has recently placed new demands upon the family. I have personally witnessed this before, usually instigated by ministry zealots who heap demands upon their members. They place commitment to the ministry and to the church on the same level as the Lord, making ridiculous comments like, "how can we differentiate Christ and the church?" This is quite deceptive since our marriage and our family must always come before the church. This subtle misalignment of priorities has damaged many marriages in the Recovery.

Yes, the Lord should be our first love, and yes, He must have the first place in our hearts. The Lord, however, is totally committed to the institution of marriage. Regardless of a million teachings and instructions by LSM to the contrary, the Lord would never approve of a divorce so that one member could be more involved in the Recovery.

[Peter Debelak]

Redman:

I have not been in the situation you describe, but I have been in a situation where my marriage and my faith were at seeming odds. Here's a verse (and chapter) that has been a great help to me:

1 Corinthians 7:17: Into that which you were called, so there remain with God.

also verse 20: Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

In my personal opinion, our spiritual growth comes MOST from the human relationships God places us in. Learning how to take care of one another requires a tremendous amount of faith. Being "zealous" for a ministry does not inherently require faith and can sometimes overshadow real human, God-ordained, relationships.

Just two cents. I encourage you to seek after Him in whatever way you find. You will need a compass for the difficult decisions, discussions and trials. Much grace to you.

In Love,

Peter

UntoHim, please read what Redman wrote:

Originally Posted by Redman

I intend to explore my local devotional options as part of my new mission.
...
I don't really have biblical knowledge so I can't quote any marraige related verses; any help here would be appreciated.
...
This, of course, defies any Christian teachings that I'm aware of and yet my lovely wife is unable to see through the fog. So, as always, any suggestions are welcome.

He asked for spiritual help, not just practical help. And how is telling someone to pray "not practical"? It could save his marriage. I know many non-practicing Christians who went through a marriage crisis, prayed desperately, and the situation turned around.

Using the icon that goes "blah" is kind of insulting to all of us who are doing our best to offer advice. Recently Igzy requested that lurkers participate more - would you rather us go away because our advice isn't up to your standard?

[UntoHim]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Using the icon that goes "blah" is kind of insulting to all of us who are doing our best to offer advice. Recently Igzy requested that lurkers participate more - would you rather us go away because our advice isn't up to your standard?

Darn you Igzy for giving us all those new icons. Don't you know how dangerous these are in the hands of the wrong people?

Sorry Unregistered, that was a little over the top, wasn't it. No I don't want lurkers to go away, but I think it's time that you registered as a member. You can use a handle to keep your anonymity of course. This will save the moderator time and you the problem of having to wait until your post is approved. Thanks for your consideration in this matter!

Now that I read the last part of Redman's post:

Originally Posted by Redman

So, as always, any suggestions are welcome.

I see your point.

[Cal]

Originally Posted by UntoHim

Darn you Igzy for giving us all those new icons. Don't you know how dangerous these are in the hands of the wrong people?

^^^

[Ohio]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

UntoHim, please read what Redman wrote:

He asked for spiritual help, not just practical help. And how is telling someone to pray "not practical"? It could save his marriage. I know many non-practicing Christians who went through a marriage crisis, prayed desperately, and the situation turned around.

Using the icon that goes "blah" is kind of insulting to all of us who are doing our best to offer advice. Recently Igzy requested that lurkers participate more - would you rather us go away because our advice isn't up to your standard?

I agree with you. Ole Unto must be having a bad day.


Finally got some decent smilies.