Spiritual Fathers

[ACuriousFellow]

I, uh... I just heard from a friend who is still in the Recovery (kind of). He plans on leaving soon.

Anyhoo... I don't know. He told me about my mentor, a father figure of mine for nine years.

More of a father than my real father. A real father.dka

He was apparently really angry that I left, and he recently said some things about me to some of the brothersas

My freind wouldn't etell me what he said, but another brother rebuked my old mentor. Someone rebuked my father.

He said something pretty bad, I guess? BUt my friend wouldn' tell me

I felt pretty sad and cried even though I don't even know what he said. BUt then all my emotions turned off. I've felt this before a couple of times in my life, but I'm not certain what it is when emotiones turn off.

They're coming back on slowly, I guess? Kind of like when your ear rings and your hearing comes back slowly. Um... I dpunno. Just wanted to share.

Gonna go to bed now. Goodnight.

[Ohio]

Tears are healthy. Both tears and anger come from the pains of lost love. The Psalms says He stores all our tears in a bottle.

No need to know what was said by your spiritual “father.” Perhaps putting your love and appreciation in a letter would help.

Brothers in the LC worry too much about protecting their ministry, and should care more about personal love and righteous behavior in the sight of our heavenly Father.

[Trapped]

Originally Posted by ACuriousFellow

I, uh... I just heard from a friend who is still in the Recovery (kind of). He plans on leaving soon.

Anyhoo... I don't know. He told me about my mentor, a father figure of mine for nine years.

More of a father than my real father. A real father.dka

He was apparently really angry that I left, and he recently said some things about me to some of the brothersas

My freind wouldn't etell me what he said, but another brother rebuked my old mentor. Someone rebuked my father.

He said something pretty bad, I guess? BUt my friend wouldn' tell me

I felt pretty sad and cried even though I don't even know what he said. BUt then all my emotions turned off. I've felt this before a couple of times in my life, but I'm not certain what it is when emotiones turn off.

They're coming back on slowly, I guess? Kind of like when your ear rings and your hearing comes back slowly. Um... I dpunno. Just wanted to share.

Gonna go to bed now. Goodnight.

ACuriousFellow,

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. We are designed to be relational beings, and so any kind of fracture in a relationship just hurts. You call this mentor a real father, moreso than your actual father, and because of that dynamic, the pain is going to be especially deep. Even though you don't know what he said, the change in the way he views you, speaks about you, etc has that way of cutting to your core. It's a betrayal, and what hurts on top of it all is the betrayal is for no reason at all. The reasons behind why they do things are ultimately empty and meaningless. The LC trains people to prioritize vain and empty things, and to trash and discard people and relationships. I know it feels personal, and it is personal, but this is how they treat everyone. You are part of a large group of people who have been treated this way, so in a weird way, it's not "personal", even though it is.....if that makes sense. What I mean is, it's personal, but it's also systemic, regardless of the person.

It's okay to cry. As far as recovering from traumatic and painful things, the best thing to do is to let your body react how it wants to react. As human beings, we do a good job of shutting down and holding things in and blocking the pain that hits us, but however best you can, it is best to let yourself cry, or punch the couch, or stomp your feet, and "feel it". It's never fun, but otherwise, your body will hang on to the pain, and that's not sustainable over a lifetime.

However, on the flip side, your emotions shutting off is also totally normal. Emotional distancing or numbing in the short-term can be a defense mechanism to kind of "titrate" the pain so we experience a little now, and then a little later, and a little more later, in manageable amounts, rather than everything overwhelmingly at once.

Hope your sleep helps. Leaving a cult is hard. Losing relationships is hard. Having people you trust and are close to and look up to flip a switch and speak badly about you is so hard. Things will get better. It's a hard journey to get there, but it's a journey you can make.

Trapped