Do Good Brothers Make Good Husbands?

[TLFisher]

I've been thinking about this question the past several days reflecting back to my time in the local churches. Do good brothers make good husbands?
I would say not necessarily. It depends how sensitive are brothers to their spouse.
Brothers who were raised in the local churches have been conditioned with concepts more often than not result in emotional and mental issues speaking to and relating with sisters.
Observation good brothers don't always make good husbands when a married brother jokes (or not a joke) how they miss being with the brothers. I heard this with my ears from a current NW blended brother.
I was single at the time and flabbergasted. My concept was when you're married, one's spouse is your best friend. Your spouse is the one to be spending time with.

[Recovering]

Whether or not a "Good Brother" makes a "Good Husband" depends a lot on your definitions of "Good Brother" and "Good Husband".

The twisted definitions of "Good" was one of my triggers for leaving the Recovery. One branch of teaching on The Two Trees is "God doesn't want us to be good, He wants us to be God." This gets extended into sayings like "God doesn't want me to be a good husband", "...good father", etc. The idea is that you are not supposed to focus on being good, but rather dedicate yourself to spiritual growth, by praying, reading God's word, singing, and participating in prophesying — the so-called "life practices". With sufficient "growth in life" the good parenting, good marriage, and good character are supposed to be a spontaneous result. Any kind of emotional or psychological work is derided as "natural" and therefore suspect. The only genuine progress is that which is the spontaneous result of transformation and fostered by the life practices. So a working TLR-definition of "Good Brother" would be "a man who devotes himself to cultivating the life practices to experience spiritual transformation but does not rely on any worldly wisdom or 'natural' efforts". The irony is that they would reject the label "Good Brother" by saying, "I don't want to be a Good Brother, I want to be a God-Man!"

The definition of "Good Husband" might be a little harder to pin down, but I remember hearing messages on marriage that focused on Ephesians 5. "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing of the water in the word." I think this is what most of the leaders in TLR (and in wider Christianity) would hold up as an ideal, so we might take as a Recovery-sanctioned definition of a "Good Husband", "a man who practices self-sacrificing love for the sake of his wife's sanctification".

If we take that charitable definition, I would say being a "Good Brother" does not necessarily lead to being a "Good Husband". It might, depending on how much you do or don't despise "natural" wisdom or effort, and I've seen examples of what the general public would recognize as good marriages, including (thank God) my own father, who has been a good husband to my mother for many years. But there are counter-examples a-plenty. And if you include being a good father, the counter-examples grow. In my observation, there is no shortage of absentee fathers/husbands in TLR who are "Good Brothers" devoted to "The Ministry". In my final days before exiting, I remember being with a couple of brothers after one of the meetings in the Job training, and they were so relieved that they "didn't have to try to be a good husband." It made me really sad.

But in practice, the definition of "Good Husband" or "Good Father" might actually be something more like "a man who devotes himself to reading the ministry and attending meetings and trusts the Lord to take care of his family". With this definition, a "Good Brother" very much makes a "Good Husband" or "Good Father". And I guess there are many on this forum who could go on at length about personal cost to wives and children of this kind of redefinition of "Good".

[TLFisher]

Originally Posted by Recovering

Whether or not a "Good Brother" makes a "Good Husband" depends a lot on your definitions of "Good Brother" and "Good Husband".

The twisted definitions of "Good" was one of my triggers for leaving the Recovery. One branch of teaching on The Two Trees is "God doesn't want us to be good, He wants us to be God." This gets extended into sayings like "God doesn't want me to be a good husband", "...good father", etc. The idea is that you are not supposed to focus on being good, but rather dedicate yourself to spiritual growth, by praying, reading God's word, singing, and participating in prophesying — the so-called "life practices". With sufficient "growth in life" the good parenting, good marriage, and good character are supposed to be a spontaneous result. Any kind of emotional or psychological work is derided as "natural" and therefore suspect. The only genuine progress is that which is the spontaneous result of transformation and fostered by the life practices. So a working TLR-definition of "Good Brother" would be "a man who devotes himself to cultivating the life practices to experience spiritual transformation but does not rely on any worldly wisdom or 'natural' efforts". The irony is that they would reject the label "Good Brother" by saying, "I don't want to be a Good Brother, I want to be a God-Man!"

The definition of "Good Husband" might be a little harder to pin down, but I remember hearing messages on marriage that focused on Ephesians 5. "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing of the water in the word." I think this is what most of the leaders in TLR (and in wider Christianity) would hold up as an ideal, so we might take as a Recovery-sanctioned definition of a "Good Husband", "a man who practices self-sacrificing love for the sake of his wife's sanctification".

If we take that charitable definition, I would say being a "Good Brother" does not necessarily lead to being a "Good Husband". It might, depending on how much you do or don't despise "natural" wisdom or effort, and I've seen examples of what the general public would recognize as good marriages, including (thank God) my own father, who has been a good husband to my mother for many years. But there are counter-examples a-plenty. And if you include being a good father, the counter-examples grow. In my observation, there is no shortage of absentee fathers/husbands in TLR who are "Good Brothers" devoted to "The Ministry". In my final days before exiting, I remember being with a couple of brothers after one of the meetings in the Job training, and they were so relieved that they "didn't have to try to be a good husband." It made me really sad.

But in practice, the definition of "Good Husband" or "Good Father" might actually be something more like "a man who devotes himself to reading the ministry and attending meetings and trusts the Lord to take care of his family". With this definition, a "Good Brother" very much makes a "Good Husband" or "Good Father". And I guess there are many on this forum who could go on at length about personal cost to wives and children of this kind of redefinition of "Good".

My concept of a good husband is summed up in Ephesians 5:25-29

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,"

A husbands love is sacrificial. One giving himself up for his wife just as Christ gave Himself up for us.
A good brother in context of the Local Church Movement is one who places the ministry above all things. That means the ministry first, marriage second, and family third. Striving to be God-man is more important than a good husband or a good father. A good brother in LCM context is looking towards the New Jerusalem more than living in the present. This is achieved through morning revival, pray-reading, prophesying, etc. To be a good brother is not compatible with being a good husband. A good brother puts the ministry before his wife and attends evening meetings during the work week while his wife stays at home.
I have wondered how many brothers struggled going to Thursday night Brothers meetings while their wife is at home?
Good fathers come out of establishing a relationship with their children. Making time for their children for when the children need their fathers. Weeknight meetings only subtract a father's time for his children. It's one or the other and cannot be both. Once the weeknight meetings are over it's usually bedtime for the children.

Originally Posted by TLFisher

My concept of a good husband is summed up in Ephesians 5:25-29

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church… “

A good brother in context of the Local Church Movement is one who places the ministry above all things. That means the ministry first, marriage second, and family third. Striving to be God-man is more important than a good husband or a good father. A good brother in LCM context is looking towards the New Jerusalem more than living in the present. This is achieved through morning revival, pray-reading, prophesying, etc. To be a good brother is not compatible with being a good husband. A good brother puts the ministry before his wife and attends evening meetings during the work week while his wife stays at home.
I have wondered how many brothers struggled going to Thursday night Brothers meetings while their wife is at home?
Good fathers come out of establishing a relationship with their children. Making time for their children for when the children need their fathers. Weeknight meetings only subtract a father's time for his children. It's one or the other and cannot be both. Once the weeknight meetings are over it's usually bedtime for the children.

Any men who has made a decision to get married, and puts church or meetings or any religious activities before his marriage or family, is a fraud and worst that an unbeliever.

The main reason why there are so many families that are broken, is because men aren’t there to take care of the wife and children, while claiming to be taking care of “God’s business”. If someone wants to be all for God, please do, but don’t get married and bring lives into this world if you aren’t planning to be there for them! I have lived through this kind of lifestyle, and seen my mother suffering, and children have no father in the house to be there for them, because Gods work was always a priority! It’s always other people, other families, other children, as if that’s Gods design.

God, marriage, family and children should be the order for a good husband. All the rest is a bonus, including church activities, and that same approach should be applied for a “good wife”. If the marriage is a picture of Christ and the church, then wouldn’t the practical application of the book of Song of Songs be just as valuable in a husband and wife daily living, as the local church claims it should be in your spiritual lives?
IMHO, local church people disconnect themselves from the reality of life, by being overly zealous for impractical exercises, while disparaging and mocking those who put the God given, powerful, truly overcoming daily expressions of Christ into actions. Remember it says: “ husbands love your wife…”, and doesn’t say “..husbands allow the Christ in you to love your wife, because you can’t otherwise”, - which is the local church version of marriage in the nutshell! That’s why most marriages in LC are just an empty veneer, a cohabitation arrangements with “benefits”, for the “Lord” as they like to say. I have seen this and been around it for way too long, and it’s sad to see how many people/children suffer on daily basis.

[Nell]

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[Ohio]

Originally Posted by Recovering

Whether or not a "Good Brother" makes a "Good Husband" depends a lot on your definitions of "Good Brother" and "Good Husband".

Recovering great explanations of Recovery life. This month marks my 50th anniversary of when I first met brothers and sisters from the LC. At that time, they really expressed Christ.

But things evolved. Really devolved. It became a man-pleasing system. And the “man” on top, was no longer Jesus Christ. Glory and praise from “the brothers,” is a very powerful force, eventually superseding and destroying our walk with Jesus. John 5.44 describes the situation well, despite all the “assurances” from “the ministry” that it was not so.