What I wanted to tell you, but could not.

[FaithHopeLove]

Dear brothers and sisters who identify as members of the LR who have known me,

These are the words I want to tell you, but cannot. I've lost contact with many of you. I wonder if you even remember who I am.

I was the one you came to look for.
I was the one you invited to your homes.
You picked me up in your cars.
You gave me food to eat.
You let me sleep in your houses.
You organized activities for me to join.
You sang with me, read with me, prayed with me.
When I was alone, you accompanied me.
You called me, and even lived with me.
You offered help whenever you could.
We knew one another and would pray for one another.
We laughed together, we traveled together.
We cared for one another even though we just met.
There is no doubt that I felt your love for " the body ".
You have done everything you could have possibly done.
I have opened my homes to you too.
I have prepared the food.
I have picked you up.
I have done just as you have done for me.
It was not an obligation for me to do them.
I just wanted to serve God, as I believe you wanted too.
Our relationship was across at least 20+ years in many different cities.
I never thought I would leave the " church life " , ever.

I have always thought this was the place where denominational agendas and unbiblical practices did not exist, and that I can have all of God to myself and share Him with all of you.

It drove me mad as hell when I saw other pastors in other churches as I believed they were evil. Looking at all those people there made me feel really sorry for them. It seemed to me that they were not at " church " but at some sort of a " magician's circus arena ".

It broke my heart and my soul when my parents left you and took part in another church doing " unbiblical " things.

It was the end of what I knew our world to be crushed and gone.

Have they forgotten all the things we have been through together?

How could they do this? They knew right from the start why we were in the " church life ". They knew this.

How could they " betray " this " church life " that has so often warned us about the dangers of pastors and denominational churches out there?

I would open the golden book and highlight the enlightening footnotes. I would remember how much that book cared for me. Only that book cared enough to enlighten me and explained to me what it really means. And mom, I remembered seeing your underlines in pencil. You were so desperate to learn. You even had to translate English and check the dictionary because English wasn't even your first language.

That night I cried so much in my bed as I read the bible verses. (not the footnotes, just the bible verses)

I prayed to God to help me as the word of God touched my conscience.

I don't know what time I slept that night. I just remembered being fearful of the word of God because of how much it exposes sin and my sin.

All I knew was I had to get everyone in here because only in here would they really know the word of God, with all the footnotes. Outside, they wouldn't even dream of truly understanding what the word of God means.

Things got so bad that I started looking at my parents as my enemies. They felt like enemies of God to me. They hurt me. They anger me. As if they were hurting God and angering God. I even insisted on going to their other new " church " home meeting and I made everyone call on the name of the Lord Jesus (yes, with a loud voice). I thought that was one sure way of getting everyone connected as much as they could with the Lord Jesus Himself. And boy, did I feel happy with myself for doing that.

I hated their new " church " materials that printed pictures of Mary and Jesus. Don't they know that those are not real? I hated their silly messages that seemed so full of their " selves and shallowness " which were not in line with the pure word of God. And what blew my last straw was when I saw this other " church " made a " birthday celebration " for itself and with my parents being invited to the stage for it. Don't they know that there is no such thing as a birthday for the church in the bible?! The real " birthday " of the church was in the bible when the Holy Spirit came over the followers of Jesus.

This was not the beginning of my " war " with my parents. They had gone to other churches before this. It made me so angry that I actually packed all my clothes and belongings and ran away from home. My poor friend who visited me had to leave with me. We ended up staying at some place and we had to pay money for living there. My poor parents only knew where we had gone to live because their home employee that I forced to come with me to drop all my things remembered the location. Looking back now, I know I had grieved my parents in ways that I would never understand. That was not the first time and not the last time either.

However, that " church birthday celebration " thing was the last straw for me. After that, I cannot remember for how long I stopped talking to my parents. I did remember my mom saying to me as I stood crying hysterically in the corner of their room, " If we are doing something wrong in God's eyes, then let God Himself tell it to us. "

My life didn't become better. It only became worse as I did not know how to deal with the realities and pain of sinful life. During these years, I lost my beloved grandfather and my parents' relationship with God and myself was spiraling down a black hole. I had met a guy who was totally charming and from another religion. I even brought him to the " church life ". I was more blind than a bat could be and more lost than the prodigal son could have ever known or understood. My parents were spiritually blind too, but we were trying to maintain our relationships with one another. I hung my every last hope in the God of the " church life " and the " church life " as well.

There was so much sin and darkness that my life literally became in very serious danger. I sought desperately for answers and help in the " church life " and it only made it worse. I went through so much pain, fear, confusion and I had a tonne of blame and anger. This diabolical darkness took over my soul to the point that I even had a spiritual encounter with an evil spirit. However, Jesus rescued me and He showed me a special message for my life. In a nutshell, He told me that the love of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit defeats all the bitterness and power of death in my life. That love is greater than anything.

I wanted to make everything in my life work to its best in the " church life " but it was determined to fail no matter how much hell I put myself through. I knew that guy I had met wasn't who he made himself out to be. I had some ex-boyfriends before him, but he was a whole other case of next level sin. I have never been in so much torment in my life during this time for a long time.

When my parents realized that I was in danger, and that they understood just how blind they have been to everything, they went under a huge amount of stress. They had no help that could help me. They had finally desperately turned to the God for help. PURE HELP FROM GOD IN DESPERATE SINCERE PRAYERS.

I can imagine how broken they were inside, like a thousand cuts through their hearts. I would say that was one of the pivotal time of their lives in having their faith in God really tested, purified and refined.

And something of epic proportion was happening to me too. I was left betrayed by that guy and lied to. I couldn't believe he would do that to me. Really, I did not know him. I only hung on to him as my help as I saw how kind he was to me. Through it all, his kindness and charm, even tears, and perhaps even good intentions, and whatever romance there was, ended up in the gutter. I realized that there was another side of him and I am not really actually blaming him at all. God allowed this to happen to me for a good reason. For the first time in my life, I felt betrayal of a whole other level. I felt as vulnerable as a butterfly on the ground.

I did the most ridiculous things trying everything I could to find some justice for myself. In that time was when I knew that God had met me on my journey. That's another story, but it is true. When nobody could help me, not even the " church life ", God showed me through a few events that happened to me that it was Him who was left that truly stood for me in that ridiculous journey of mine.

After those events, I never felt so much peace. It was as if every pain and hurt was literally gone the next morning. I pray God send confirmations to those people involved in those separate events that happened to me - how much I am so grateful to Him for saving them and using them as part of the testimonies of what God had to show me to finally make me see that He never left me, through it all. He just had to show me that it was only Him who could really, truly, help me.

That was when I started searching for testimonies of people who have encountered Jesus all over the world. I was so blown away at the amount of genuine amazing testimonies of how these people from all kinds of darkness were being saved by God Himself. God is so real. No book can ever show how real and true God is. Without the Holy Spirit, it's no use.

I've stopped going back to the " church life " but from time to time, I did. I knew the God that saved me had nothing to do with all the " love and kindness " that I had experienced in the " church life ". I wanted to tell them how God had saved me but I found myself being somehow " rejected " in the spirit.

That was when I realized that there was another kind of spirit in there. The kind that rejected my joy in what God had done for me to save me. Not everyone in there is filled with this spirit though, but there was certainly that kind of spirit in there. It seemed like my joy in the God that saved me was a kind of misery to them. At this point, I wasn't even realizing that there was something wrong with this church. I still believed that there was nothing wrong with them. I only felt it strange why some of them rejected me in the spirit, even as I shared the word of God with them. And I then realized what it was. They rejected it because what I had shared was not written in the books of Witness Lee.

My face fell when I saw those spirits rise against me as I shared what the Holy Spirit was leading me to share. I was really hurt. I mean, it seems like it doesn't matter how much of the good times we had together. As long as I spoke something of God that was not in line with what Witness Lee had to say in his books, I had become an enemy, a threat, and something of the devil.

Really? All I did was share how much joy I had in the word of God and how He has saved me. I didn't even say something was wrong with Witness Lee's teachings. But not everyone had this opposing spirit towards me. Some of them clearly rejoiced in my joy. I suspect those are the ones who have not been indoctrinated by the doctrines of Witness Lee.

I understand you are afraid of something Witness Lee has never said before. Telling you guys that I love you nevertheless wouldn't change anything much and I am not expecting for change. Anyway, these are the words that I would like to tell you but cannot.

I knew the Holy Spirit had been nudging me truths about this place in my early 20s but I was living in sin, not really convicted of repenting much. Unfortunately, I didn't stop to examine those nudges. In the last later years, it became clearer to me that my true enjoyment of God was always their misery. There was only an opposing spirit.

Even their approach to God in prayer became a sort of annoying thing to hear because God is so rich, personal and amazing, but all they can say to Him were these ritualistic robotic petitions that all sound the same. There is no heart to heart genuineness in praying to God. It's like they are just carrying one big same message to God's ears, telling Him what to do!

An example would be, "Oh Lord Jesus, thank You for today's message. May You be the life-giving spirit operating in us. May You build up Your body in these localities."

Okay, but what does that mean? How does that apply to people? You are just using terms that Witness Lee made in his ideologies. These are not prayers from the Holy Spirit. These are one man's ideological " prayers ".

Why are you thankful for Witness Lee's revelations? Why do you want the life-giving spirit to operate in you? Do you even know what that means? What do you mean by building up the body? Again, do you even really know what that means? Have you ever asked God if He thinks Witness Lee and all of his teachings are right in God's ways?

The straight answer is no, you don't. All you know is in fact, Witness Lees ideologies. And what you are telling God to grant, are all Witness Lee's ideologies of God and the church.

It's just like blind, oblivious, one-way street poundings on God's ears, and like, it's as if they weren't even expecting an answer from God because they've got it all figured out and God just has to obey their commands. I guess this is what they call being in " oneness " with carrying straight orders from the top down to " God's ears ".

There was one time where I was in a home meeting and 9/11 has just happened. When it was my turn to pray, I prayed for the people being affected by that event. Nobody said anything. I could not remember an amen. Just a weird cold unemotional pause. I think that was one of the earliest nudges of the Holy Spirit telling me something was wrong in that place, but how could it be? I was in one of the most luxurious home meetings, so I let my spirit be troubled quietly.

One might question and wonder, where is God exactly in this place, really?

God has shown me through the ups and downs of my life, standing through the tests of the cruelness and time of sinful life, that He is everything you hoped Him to be and in way so much more than you can ever know from the " church life ".

Thing is, I may not be perfect yet, I still sin from time to time but I really, truly, have Him and I am getting to know Him more each day. Do you?

And also, He is building His Kingdom all around the world, in ways that Witness Lee has never, ever, told you of. Do you know that He can do everything and so much more in a person's life, and build His Kingdom all around the world, in ways that are not even explained in any of the Witness Lee books?

Sure, there may be a lot of wrong things going on out there in all the churches. It's the Holy Spirit's job to convict and save people in more ways than Witness Lee could ever think of.



GOD KNOWS HOW TO RUN HIS OWN KINGDOM BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.



Witness Lee is not the end all and be all of your journey of faith to God, and I hope someday you will see that. Let go and LET GOD BE GOD.

[Robert]

Thank You for your sharing.
For your open heart. Especially to God.
I was reading this as prayer.
This is definition of Christianity.
Like one brother said: ekklesia/ church, is Mrs, Jesus.
People of Jesus.
Our language shows it.
If we live before Almighty God, then how much more we should be clear and honest among brothers and sisters.
I've found more honest brothers and sisters from other cities and abroad, than I had here in my ex-local church.
Perhaps I commited blasphemy answering instaed leaving it in silence.
Like staying in silence over old creature's grave.
But happiness of that New Creation in You did not allowed me to be quiet.
Jesus is the only Way.
Keep going, or keep runing this race.
I would like to recall this letter and You at Jesus feet.
There will be a crowd of His lovers.
Grace be with You. Not in any empty common meaning like "good bye", but in reality:
GRACE BE WITH YOU!

[FaithHopeLove]

Thank you, brother. This is spiritual warfare but we are called to love as disciples. Never forget God's love and how He is love, and this whole thing about God and us is all based on that love. And we so often forget. Christians who have no love, don't have God. Simple as that. May God be merciful.

10-12 Taken aback, Jesus said, “I’ve yet to come across this kind of simple trust in Israel, the very people who are supposed to know all about God and how he works. This man is the vanguard of many outsiders who will soon be coming from all directions—streaming in from the east, pouring in from the west, sitting down at God’s kingdom banquet alongside Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Then those who grew up ‘in the faith’ but had no faith will find themselves out in the cold, outsiders to grace and wondering what happened.”

Matthew 8
The Message
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage...08&version=MSG

15 “But what about you?” Jesus asked. “Who do you say I am?”
16 Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”
17 Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah!b For this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by My Father in heaven. 18 And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it. 19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven. Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

https://biblehub.com/bsb/matthew/16.htm



By God, there certainly will be His people and His kingdom.

Yes, AMEN.
That Grace be with you too and all the brothers and sisters moving on with the Lord.