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Originally Posted by new poster
Hello. I've been lurking for awhile....
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I think the flashbacks are completely normal, as well as the tendency to want to 'rehearse' past situations.
I am both soft-spoken and easy-going, so that made me prime material to be taken advantage of by LC leaders. That's not to say they intentionally did so, but what happened has happened. I often regret having let elders walk over me. Sometimes I wish I could get even with them. At the end of the day, I have to just realize that the past is the past. There is no point in obsessing over such things.
The flashbacks are difficult. Speaking for myself, I often have thought about the positive of the LC and wondered whether my stance towards the LC is right or not. It's easy to get caught up second guessing yourself. I don't want to sound too weird, but a few times I've had dreams where I was immersed in a idyllic form of the LC. I woke up wondering if I was causing myself to miss out on something. I eventually realized that the problem wasn't me. The LC is what it is. There is no sense in waiting around for it to change.
Like everyone else, I long hoped that the LC would eventually change for the better. It didn't. I stuck around and continued to try to survive. I couldn't. It was at that point that I realized that whether I wanted to or not, I had to distance myself from certain people, I had to cut off toxic friendships, and I had to stop investing into empty dreams that would never materialize.