[Guest M]

So now I've just read your most recent post, and my heart aches for you.

Kevin, you're going to have to accept the fact that no one can tell you the answer to this one. I know when you're vulnerable and hurting, and have been betrayed by people you depended upon and trusted, that is the least perfect time to have only yourself to rely upon.

But the truth is, that's the truth. At the end of the day, you have only your conscience to answer to. Your conscience, and your inner relationship with God, who will not let you down.

Now, deciding something like this while you are likely to take a hard financial impact is really hard. it depends on the person. Some people can stick around in an abusive or hopeless relationship while they plan for a specific moment of departure and put things in place. They're still being harmed, but they are able to stay fixed on their goal until they get out.

Others decide that the harm is not worth it, and it is literally a matter of life and death. I fall more into this camp. You just have to know yourself. Know what you need. What you need you might have to discover by first knowing what you WANT, and being able to recognize and admit it.

My suspicion is you already know your answer. It's just painful to not have made a decision yet, and to not have clarity from others. All anyone can give you is our own experience and opinion. And that is worth something. But still, it's going to have to come down to you. You can't wait to get it signed off. And you don't need to. trust your relationship with God. Trust that voice, that part of God that is in you, and no one else's.

In my experience, once you have named what it is you really feel or know, and make a decision, the pain will be considerably less torturous than it is now while you're hovering in the middle. This is a rip the bandaid off quick situation. You will absolutely have to grieve, and there will be time to grieve. But in the meantime, do what you know is the right thing for you, and know that you don't have to explain it to anyone.

People here I am certain will support you either way. That "mentor" of yours was clearly trying to do exactly that...he's doing the best he can. but he's not you. AND he doesn't have the answers for you. Also? Imho, it's too early for you to find a mentor. You are leaving a situation where you've been emotionally manipulated and controlled, and spiritually taken advantage of. it's going to be lonely, but you really should (again, in my opinion) avoid going directly from that situation into another.

If this sounds like a bad breakup, that's exactly what it is. It hurts, but you will survive it, and ironically, you will feel LESS alone the more you follow your own inner conviction. When you have made a decision, it will be easier for you to have the support you need going through it. it is much more lonely when you want someone to help you tell you which decision to make, and they can't, no matter which way they'd go.

I hope that's SOME help. Holding out hope for you!