Thread: My Story
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Old 02-25-2009, 09:36 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 67
Default My Story

I guess I should give testimony.

I got saved on a campus. I went to a FTT for a year. I remember going to corporate morning revival and not being able to sense any real joy. I spoke about this with 3 other FTTers, none of them attempted to disagree. I think they mainly put it down to the cross. One guy spoke about how even though he wasn't really experiencing anything he had faith that he was experiencing it so that was good enough for him. This scared me. I could probably liken it to a terrorist bomber blowing himself up and having faith he was in heaven as the koran or whoever said while suffering in Hades. I remember a brother commenting about how fresh brother Lee seemed to be on one of the old videos, my immediate thought was "What are you talking about?"

Near the end I just couldn't stand to read the morning revival. At one point I realized as to the whole becoming god in life and nature doctrine. I never much wanted to become god in life and nature, I mainly just wanted God to love me and the teaching seemed to have reduced God to an impersonal thing for whom I was simply a cog in his plan. I'm not certain if that is a fair analysis of his teaching but it was my experience. I remember that while I have had many enjoyable times in the church, none of them were related to the ministry.

As regards the ministry maybe there was life there but it seems that the self aggrandizing, the putting down of others, and the huge leaps in logic were far more noticeable. I remember that when I first try to read through the bible with footnotes rather than aiding me they were what caused me to stop. I found that I got to a point where there was maybe one verse on the page and whole heap of footnotes and in the end the actual text seemed more understandable. More I remember at one point having a morning revival where I would read through the word with prayer and enjoying it thoroughly and then reading a footnote, and it killed it.

Preparing prophecy I remember the hardest thing was finding something in the HWMR which actually lined up with my experience and actually seemed to come from the Word. So in the end I prayed with tears is this your recovery, I got the response what more could he possibly show me when it was so obvious it wasn't. Nothing in my experience refuted this, nothing which I could see in others refuted this, nothing in the word seemed to refute this, so, I left.
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