[Ohio]

Originally Posted by HERn

Why am I on my way out? Two words; cognitive dissonance.

To me the local churches are like a large extended family living in a large house where all but the infants are aware that a "crazy aunt" lives in the attic, but no one is willing to acknowledge or discuss the "crazy aunt". The "crazy aunt" is not a real person, but a nagging feeling of not being able to discuss the questionable teachings within Nee's and Lee's otherwise healthy ministry, or the shame of the alleged Daystar business investment debacle, or the alleged immorality of a past manager of the ministry, or the rude treatment of the saints by certain brothers using deputy authority. Because (in my opinion) the living of the brothers and the practices of the ministry were not congruent (to me) with the teaching of the bible (as I understand it) I found myself spending an enormous amount of mental and emotional energy trying to manage this cognitive dissonance. I finally gave up.

I get the feeling from some of the brothers that it is best to avoid negative things like those mentioned above because it does no good to know, understand or discuss them. But this does not agree with how I manage the more intimate aspects of my life. For example, if my spouse was being unfaithful I suppose you could say I would suffer less and be happier not knowing of his/her unfaithfulness. But, what about STDs to which I might be exposed? And, if s/he is unfaithful in one area what could s/he be doing in other areas like children, savings, retirement and our plans for the future? So, in the intimate areas of life I really do need to know about negative things in order to protect myself, family and future. I believe my church life and those that I allow to be spiritual leaders over me are also intimate areas of life where I need to be aware of negative things and not feel like I need to remain ignorant. My legitimate need to know and then feeling I'm being negative and divisive for asking or discussing these things with saints is another area of cognitive dissonance that bothers me. We are warned not to read the negative comments because it could poison or deceive us, but I have an intuition that I think I can trust or at least to which I should listen. Having lived with my spouse for a number of years I have an intuition that I can trust him/her. If someone tells me some negative things about him/her or points me to a source of information then I probably need to hear or read it. If when I try to talk to him/her about it and I'm given the impression that I'm being negative or divisive in my marriage, that to me is a huge red flag (and another area of cognitive dissonance). I think I have read that prolonged cognitive dissonance can lead to mental illness. If none of this is your experience, then please ignore all I have written, for I could be deceived.

Thank you HERn.

Your post contains some of the greatest insights concerning the LC strongholds of so-called NEGATIVE speaking.

Worth reading again.