[kumbaya]

Originally Posted by JJ

I was in “the Lords Recovery” (TLR) from 1978-1985, was out from 1985-2005, then tried it again from 2005-2015. I concluded it was too messed up and was too dangerous to stay in. Watching how children were “force fed” was one of the things that really bothered me. The Lord led me out, and then to this forum.
I’m still a believer, and lover of Jesus.

I understand how your father was recruited into it and entrapped, as I was too.

It is good you are trying to have grace for him. If you take personal responsibility for yourself, pray for him and other family still in it, the Lord will honor that.

I don’t want to highjack your thread though. Please carry on.

You're not, I appreciate the response and I'm totally new to this so I'm not sure how/where to see other peoples testimonies. I really would be interested in knowing if I do know some of the members personally. I've seen a few threads with the same questions as mine (better ones actually!) and hints we probably know a lot of the same people, even if I was a child for most of my years there.

Right now, I'm realizing I should probably maintain SOME discreetness due to not wanting this coming back on my family....but also weighing that with wanting to see how many people on here that I met or that knew my family...I know its a little self indulgent but I do like hearing the funny/good stories about my parents. I've heard some not so great ones as well and, I can just say that those help me put things into perspective about the culture of the church....It's been a confusing position to be in and I have to try to see both sides and make my own decisions in life about it all...

I'm interested in how you say you'd describe you were "recruited and entrapped" for those years. Were you in a leadership position? I'm really curious to hear people's thoughts on the amount of stress that could put on someone. Of course, every situation is different and my dad did have a natural ability to just go, go, go....But still, I know it was a burden for him and I just wish I could talk with him now about certain things and how he somehow justified certain behaviors or if he didn't know about them. He was an elder but not really the top one. I just wonder how much he knew sometimes..... I really don't think (which no fault to him without the internet and LC views on psychology) he realized AT ALL how the practices proved to be emotionally unhealthy for kids. He just wanted me to fall in line and I remember as a VERY young child just sitting in the back row of Children's meeting not participating. It wasn't because I didn't believe in God, I did. I just didn't feel like jumping out and down and yelling, "I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N" lol. There were really rowdy boys and it was just all too much. But I remember my dad coming and sitting by my in Children's meeting so I'd participate more. The WORST and cheesiest of all was all the young people standing up one by one to call on the Lord three times. There were cute boys there. I did NOT want to do that! lol I just needed to be able to pray and develop my relationship with God in my own way. Back then, they had the YP reading ministry books and going to hours and hours and hours of meetings. I'm glad its somewhat different now but there was just SO much of it that the disconnect between what the YP were going through and workers was light years difference. They had NO IDEA what they were doing with us and it was all about the behavior.

I can realize though, if affected me more being a highly sensitive person with ADD (which, if you're curious about HSP's- 1 in 5 people are and its a well researched. There's a great doc called SENSITIVE by Elaine Aron, who also wrote the best selling book, "The Highly Sensitive Person"). Having these things means I can be easily overwhelmed/overstimulated but also its a strength when I can I can pick up on things that other people can't. My brains takes in ALL the stimuli and I have a LOVE/HATE feeling about it. Off topic too, and don't want to start a debate here but as long as we're talking about what the LC teaches regarding childen, does anyone know what WL says about spanking? He might not go there, I was just curious. There were a lot of teachings about children/young people that were off based that I've listened to but haven't heard anything about that specifically. I do know that someone who was an elder and mentor to my dad actually beat his children and although I can honestly say I wasn't beaten, there were a LOT of spankings. We're all entitled to our opinions but I just don't think its emotionally healthy past a certain age (possibly even at all). It's shown to be ESPECIALLY damaging and not affective with highly sensitive kids who take EVERYTHING more intensely. HSP kids need connection and logic-not, "Do as you're told bc I said so." Of course, there have to be limits and discipline but there are studies that show how some kids are very negatively affected by spanking. I get spanking a two year old for running in the street bc they can't understand logically why that's not a good idea. But I do agree that when a child is ABLE to understand and accept consequences- those consequences do NOT need to be hitting. I can only speak for myself and in no way am I saying I was ever beaten, nothing like that. But, what is normal pain for some kids can be traumatizing for others and it was for me. I'm ONLY saying this to shed some light on my opinion if anyone reading is a parent that still spanks. Take it as you will! I realize it sounds whiny to say it was traumatizing but in the sense that it cut off all connection with my dad- it was. Sorry, that is off topic but it does help make the point that some kids are just different and putting them in situations where you're trying to get a "behavior" from them without connecting with them, can be really damaging. It's a smaller dose of it now with the YP but it's still strongly and almost entirely focused on controlling their behavior. Which ultimately, the unspoken pressure of that causes them to not deal with issues, and then come the coping mechanisms later in life. So on and so forth. Of course, the workers WANT you to have a spiritual experience and know God, just as long as your behavior only looks like "this" and as long as you only say "these things" and with this "tone." Sisters, while you're at it, go ahead and say "PRECIOUS" all the time and talk like one of the Kardashians. Am I right???

(Ok, lol - that might just be my locality! Which, I can embarrassingly admit I said "precious" more than the average person should and I did talk that way. "I mean- I just REALLY enJOYED the LORD-uh! Awwww!!!" Sorry, I'm not making fun of enjoying the Lord - I did have that experience at times. But a lot of it was just "feel good" stuff. I just can't believe that culture has developed that way! It's like the church life is its own country now with it's own dialect! I know for a fact that I'll catch myself saying or writing something with a "flair" of the LSM wording/structure. It's not even spiritual stuff, just a writing/speaking style but it definitely gets it's "hooks in you!")

I should ALSO admit, I was ALWAYS the difficult one so I fully take responsibility for being rebellious. I think the reaction of guilt/shame I got from that wasn't great but I have to recognize that I wasn't easy to deal with. I never was one to conform, always wanted to express myself in weird ways (as in, wear nail polish and makeup in 8th grade- so crazy!). So I do realize how exhausting that could be for an elder in the church to have his daughter not be the most shining example. I specifically remember times though when I was punished for being "defiant" even though I have an excellent point and knew I was right. Yes, I should have respected my elders but when your elders aren't being reasonable it was REALLY hard for me to keep quiet. I feel like all my examples of this are silly but just know there are more serious ones. I'm not here to attack anyone, especially family. One SSOT, when I was in high school we went on an outing to a skating rink. This older brother (who was very sweet) approached a group of us guys/girls who had chosen not to skate (give me a break, we were 16-17 and WAY too cool for that!) and told us we needed to split up (boys and girls, I mean). Well, we had signed a consecration letter prior to the truth school about what communication was allowed with the opposite sex and I knew we were NOT violating this consecration letter. I couldn't help myself and said, "Brother -----, we are all being OPEN, HONEST, and IN THE LIGHT!" This was the phrasing in the consecration letter that we all signed, lol. Although, I should have taken direction at that age - I say that to just show how hypocrisy (even with a silly example like that!) is VERY HARD for me to ignore. I believe it was the next truth school, going into my senior year, when I was asked to leave unless I could change my behavior. My offense was that I didn't participate enough in the corporate morning watches (first of all, my participation was always limited but being a 17 yr old hormonal teenager at 6:30am- they were right, I wasn't participating much). I was just doing the minimum amount of prophesying and verse memorizing. Yeah, I might have not been super into it- but I definitely wasn't being a problem! I was just a typical teenager. That experience really changed a lot for me....If any of you have seen the movie, Office Space (hilarious, btw), it reminds me of Jennifer Anniston's waitress character. She had to wear the minimum amount of "flair" or pins on her uniform and she did wear the minimum. She was still corrected though for not "showing off her flair" and wearing more. I have weird analogies- I get it! But that accurately describes mine and many other church kids experience of feeling like they wanted us to "show off" our spirituality.

So yes, in truth school I guess I wasn't being a great example for them so I was told that if I couldn't participate that I shouldn't be there. Well, ok! Had I known the alternative I would have stayed though! Unfortunately, we weren't even half way into the 10 day long truth school (followed by 3 day conference. Why are they so long btw??) and my family was hosting jr. high boys at our home. I found out that I couldn't go home until the truth school was over. Remember, I was probably 17 years old, there were 12-13, MAYBE 14 yr old boys at our house (sleeping in my room btw but I would have happily slept on the couch or my parents bedroom floor just to be home). The whole reasoning was ridiculous and it's not like we would even ever be alone in the house together, but - that was the decision that was made. So, I had to stay at a female full-timer's house every day for at LEAST 4, probably more like 5-6 days. It SEEMED like an eternity, lol. There was a land line but I had no phone, no computer, no tv, really no books besides LSM ones. I punish my daughter all the time by taking away technology but this situation really did feel extreme to me. I literally just sat there all day. She lived in an apartment about a mile away and I walked home one day. I was told to go back. Now, I almost didn't write that bc I feel like I need to cover my parents. That's why I'll just choose to remain anonymous and if someone wants to personally connect and we find out we know each other- please know I'm only trying to illustrate the extreme situations the YP work involved. I don't think I ever got to talk to my dad about that but my mom has expressed to me, in tears, that she is so sorry for that and I 100% forgive her. She was in a hard place. They had teenage boys staying with them the whole truth school and the idea was that "I needed to learn my lesson."

Forgive me if I sound whiny. I truly am SOOOOO thankful for my life and family, and for being raised in America and having a job, a home, and food on the table. I really am thankful for everything that has made me who I am - hopefully a stronger and better version of myself every day.

That being said, there are A LOT OF PEOPLE STILL HURTING from the LC. If my story helps explain why, then I've helped provide that! If my story helps any LC worker change the way they handle something, then it was worth it

My poor parents, I was never going to fit in there!

Ok, I went off on a tangent but I did want to ask how to go about connecting with people personally? Just PM them or are there boards for former members in certain states? Given the amount of people on here (although maybe not active), I probably know some of you! Or you at least may have known my dad. Also, I do want to try to understand how people are enticed or trapped into this lifestyle. What did I not do that they did? Was is just a generational thing and they were blind to the changes by the time I was older? But if so, why is my close family (younger than me) so caught in it and why can't they see that no matter what they're preaching (I agree, its OFF), the environment is equally important and there are such things as emotionally and spiritually damaging bad practices.

It just seems like they don't care about that at all. I don't understand!