Quote:
Originally Posted by Curiosity
I have heard that after college, you are expected to go to a two-year training in Anaheim. You attend church classes all day, every day I believe.
Are there any testimonies on how this training went? Benefits? Consequences?
Do you feel it put you behind in life while everyone else was getting jobs after college?
What was the experience like?
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I did two years in FTTH, in Hamilton, New Zealand. Many parts of it I enjoyed thoroughly, but many parts of it scarred me deeply, hurting me deep within my core.
At the time, being the hardcore brother that I was, PSRP was my favourite activity ever so I was really in my element. I'd wave my fist around with gusto when singing and shout out lyrics mid-song etc, all fun. I was one of those brothers who 'exercised his spirit' like he was competing in the Olympics. But then other times I'd spend hours in prayer, weeping over various trials.
Some examples: In my first semester my security partner was *really* abusive (security guard duty), and when I finally went to the head brother about it, he basically said it was my fault and the Lord was teaching me not to be proud. I had told the leading brother that through all the abuse I was suffering from this abusive brother I always continued to pray for him, but he rebuked me and said that in those prayers, I felt in my heart that I was better than him. So I repented with tears and continued to take abuse from this brother, now knowing that I'm no better than he is and obviously deserve whatever ill treatment he gives me. He spat on my face and I just let it dry without wiping it away, because I wanted to be like Watchman Nee - "Let me love and not be respected".
Another time that same brother pulled a knife on another brother and I went to one of the teachers to tell on him, but he took me with him to go rebuke him and I had to stand there watching while he confiscated the knife - just so the abusive brother knew that it was me who narked. I locked my bedroom door at night for a week because I was so scared he would come beat me up. He was expelled, but only a month or so later.
Another time I felt really unloved because as a team coordinator everybody had demands and expectations on me but nobody showed me any kindness or respect. I was being taught that we were becoming God in life and nature and that God was agape love, but I didn't see the brothers as becoming agape love at all as I was just being bullied for not being good enough every day. Even the main head brother couldn't care less about me, and he always had this intimidating grumpy look on his face. It made it hard to accept what it was that he was teaching us, and made me think of 1 Cor. 13:2 "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing". By that implication, none of what I was being taught meant sh*t and I was wasting my life. Also, there was nothing to live for, because this was the most meaningful thing I ever found in my life so if it means nothing, nothing means anything. More hours spent weeping in prayer.
One time I learned in a class that enjoying anything other than Christ can lead our hearts away from him - literally anything that you enjoy is an idol. I prayed with tears that He would dry up all the enjoyment from my life and that I would never be able to take pleasure from anything other than Him ever again for the rest of my life, so that if I ever backslid, I would have no choice but to return to Him. Thank God He didn't answer that prayer! Just thinking back on it now I realise how f__ed up that prayer was, and the 'ministry' portion that led me to pray it.
As for job prospects? After I graduated I spent a few years on the unemployment benefit, unable to get work. I went to China to teach English because I couldn't get a job in New Zealand. Now that I'm back in NZ I'm starting my own business to make money because I still can't get a job, being in my 30s and having only waitering and English-teaching as work experience. Doing two years of NZTC can't take the full blame for that but it certainly didn't help. Its basically just a huge gap on my CV.