Unregistered 123

True story:

In my locality, there was a single man who had a young daughter. I don't know what his story was, if he was divorced, or a widower, or ever married. His daughter was young, probably 5 or 6. He met with the local church for a couple of years.

I suspect he was a recovering alcoholic. He would always smell the communion glass to see if it was wine. We usually used grape juice.

I remember that his little girl had a stuffed animal she always carried around. It was cute to watch, but the doll was dirty and falling apart. On one hand that's fine - sometimes kids need a favorite doll or toy for their own security. But it still seemed a little sad. And the father clearly was not well off, so he might not have been able to afford something better.
I remember thinking, "Maybe I should buy a new stuffed animal for this girl. I could talk to the father about it. See if he thinks it's appropriate, hopefully without making him feel awkward or needy. He could surprise her with it as a gift." It seemed like just a good thing to do.

And here's where my local church indoctrination kicked in. Would this be out of my soul, or out of my spirit? Was this genuinely spiritual? Or was it natural or religious goodness (which should be rejected)? How could I know if this was "Christ" or not?

To make a long story short, I became so complicated that I didn't do anything. I was paralyzed with indecision. I never bought this girl a new doll, or even talked to the father about whether that would be okay. Looking back, I'm sure he would have at least appreciated that someone cared enough to ask.

And this sort of thing happened all the time. This is what makes me think that the "three parts of man" as interpreted by Witness Lee is a false teaching. Yes, we are spirit, soul, and body. But if you're always trying to figure out whether you are "in your soul" or "in your spirit," you won't be able to have any confidence in your decisions. You'll always be afraid that God rejects your desires to do something good or kind for someone else. One of the worst negative effects of the local church on my life, even after I left, was the constant fear of doing something natural or soulish. That kind of morbid introspection is paralyzing. There is no Biblical basis for it. The Christian gospel is a message of freedom from that type of religious bondage.

Most Christians wouldn't think twice about buying a child a new doll as a gift, or asking a low-income, single father if there was some way to help him care for his child. But in the local church, even a God-given natural instinct was to be despised. Looking back, I think my desire to buy the girl a new stuffed animal was actually from the Spirit. And I quenched the Spirit because I was so complicated and analytical from all the indoctrination I received.

Anyway, I still feel sad about never buying that girl a new stuffed toy. I wish that I had at least gotten to know the father and learned more about him and his daughter. (But that would have been a "natural relationship," and I was afraid of that.) It took me years to learn that doing spontaneous acts of kindness for people was not "soulish", but a testimony of the Lord's salvation.