Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope
Dear blessD, JulieP, Overflow and others who have become involved in our recent controversy,
I feel very bad for causing any pain to any of you. Please accept my heart felt apology. To the entire forum, in the future I will be slower to respond to any references to myself or to where I may have spent time.
...
Your brother in Christ Jesus,
Hope, Don Rutledge
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Don, I appreciate the words of apology you have written, but do you really get it. I mean, really get it. You wrote in a post to Overflow, “I do regret needing to speak so plainly and bluntly.” The immediate result after reading that entire post was as if I had been slapped, followed by memories of LC authority practices, and then anger.
One of the things I tell my children is talk straight to me. I have encouraged them to never fear telling me if anything I do or any way I think is in need of revision from their viewpoint. It also goes the other way, so I can be honest with them in the same respects. As my three older children have grown into adulthood, this practice is probably one of the best to help me overcome destructive thought processes (many of which I gained from the environment in the LC back when I was there). I am talking about ways I thought or behaviors that I may never have recognized by myself. Mind you, this was in an atmosphere of unconditional love. Sometimes the words were hard to hear, but an immediate “look into the mirror” and I could see they were right. Wonderful healing and growth has come from this.
Now to tie the practice of openness I have with my children to your habit of speaking so plainly and bluntly. You will know by the fruit of your speaking if what you have conveyed is really in a spirit of love or not. You usually will know it immediately by the reaction of the other person. Later, you will realize it by changes you are willing to make in yourself. It seems like this would be a “no brainer”, but it is not. It is not an easy thing to be honest in love, not judgmental, condemning, shaming, or degrading. Until this practice of straight talk can be done in total support and love, it is better to refrain from such bluntness to prevent becoming a stumbling block or offense. How much more in the spiritual family than in our physical family! Additionally, this type of honesty in love should be done quietly and in private only in close relationships (in general). It takes knowing someone very, very well to do this successfully. I only speak for myself here; Don, you do not know me well enough "to speak so plainly and bluntly".
I accept your apology and at the same time admonish you to work on the practice of love first, before (or most times, instead of) straight talk. Building up in love is much more important. The honesty many authority figures used in the LC had nothing to do with love, it was shaming, brutal, and abusive. Some members that practiced this blunt way of speaking to one another even considered it a gift from God… yeah, some of you might remember the word “transparency” being associated with it. One very visible and tragic example of this practice was the “perfecting training” (someone else on this forum remembered that tragedy).