Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohio
I understand, and was not bothered. And btw good decision making is one of the greatest skills in life we all must learn. Few LC members seem to learn that skill. I have been playing catch up my whole life.
I am so thankful you have not discarded your faith and love in Christ Jesus when you left the LC. Unfortunately far too many have. I think many lost it before they left. The way you honor your late father is wonderful. That also will help to safeguard your faith.
You are right to question why so few LC young people keep their faith into their adult life. Their failure rate is unacceptable. The faith of many young people was damaged due to LSM's quarantines, lawsuits, and divisive activities. This is why I have no more respect for LSM and their operatives.
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I so agree with you on the decision making or should I say, LACK of decision making I have. Not sure if this is just a personality thing (probably somewhat), but its no coincidence that not being able to make my own decisions and being shamed (even unintentionally) for wanting to "be a part of the world" (gasp!) has affected me. The fear/shame/guilt game is not the approach one should have to show Christ's love. I know you know and agree....
I have absolutely not discarded my faith but it's interesting bc (and I don't pretend to know why, maybe half me and half LC blame), I NEVER touched my spirit until I was 28 years old and was definitely NOT meeting then.
I'll never question that ever. I was in a bad place, dealing with bad decisions, and I told the Lord I was, "cracking the door open" to Him. What I experienced in the next few days/weeks/months I'll never question.
The funny thing is, I attended all the truth schools and conferences, sisters meetings and young peoples meetings. I had college sisters calling me 3 times a week in the mornings for morning watch. I became a robot. I knew the right words to say and the intonations to use. But then, I just felt guilty and knew I was faking it. On one hand I was expected to do these things or it would be a "problem" and I didn't want to deal with that, so I did it. On the other, it slowly caused resentment that just built up and all I wanted to do was escape.
Thank you for your comment on my dad, I have to get over feeling like he would be disappointed or something but I have to say my story bc if anything is true- keeping silent never helps anyone. I just want to help. Actually, realizing many of my control issues were with our relationship has given me some grace towards the LC and LSM, but I also know how influenced he was by that mindset. He was very well liked and a good dad, if you know about Myers Briggs- pretty sure he was an ENTJ. I tested and was an ENFP and the conflict makes perfect sense in that perspective.
Back to the first time I actually touched my spirit though (that I can remember), I was 28 and it was a true breakthrough experience. I felt like Jesus was coming through my Bible and hugging me. How can I question that? I was on a spiritual high for months! Unfortunately, I interpreted this experience as a sign to jump 100% back in the church life. I really thought my life was going to be a certain way! I got married and my husband and I were meeting and I really expected to have this great church life after that turn! I thought I'd have a life and marriage like my parents(and they did have an excellent marriage-which, although I'm so extremely grateful for, also led me to be extremely naive that all men were the husbands my dad was. Yeah, not the case) So, as reality set in and I realized my husband actually had deep emotional issues that I couldn't fix or figure out, and tried to hide that and "be a certain way" in the church life, it all just went south.
I know I could have tried harder with my relationship with the Lord but I was so broken and just couldn't accept my reality. I just realized that there are a lot of people who are never going to fit in to the LC, partly bc they're so exclusive, and you're not really going to get help from people who don't understand your life. The local church life doesn't have a lot of room or tolerance for your issues, at least not for too long. So suck it up and start serving and shepherding others bc the "love bomb" you got when you came back has ended. Obviously, I know a lot of it wasn't intentional but I agree that the failure rate of keeping people around is very low and feel like I know why....
I really think that in order to bc in the LC now, you either have to be an experienced saint who was so on fire for the Lord in the early days and just has accepted/turned a blind eye to all the changes, OR a naive young person wanting to escape reality.
Obviously the local church life has changed a LOT, and maybe in some ways its better. But you HAVE to have an avenue for questioning and you HAVE to be able to examine yourself and take psychological and social issues into consideration and they truly DO NOT DO THAT.
I know I'm not needing to convince you of this, just trying to sort it all out.