Thread: My decision
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Old 11-18-2019, 11:24 AM   #6
BJS03's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 19
Default Re: My decision

Originally Posted by Trapped View Post
Hi BJS03,

Would you be able to explain how you came to be an atheist in the last 5 months? I am not asking in order to argue or convince you in any way; I am just curious to know your thought process.

For example, I know for some people the issue is "if there is a God how could he let me be in this destructive place?"

It weighs me down to think about the painful process many people go through in leaving, and I am very interested to hear how people come to their conclusions, which are various.

I will be frank and say I hope you believe in God at some point down the road, but won't push you on it at the moment.

As far as mentally checking out, the best thing I can say is try to mentally switch to "observation mode". You have to be there physically, but don't mentally agree. So treat it as something you are observing as an outsider. If you have to listen, try to get any positive thing out of it that you can. See if there is any little thing you agree with and can use. Not every single thing that is spoken there is a waste. I remember one brother saying years ago that he attended a week-long training and got nothing out of it spiritually, but did walk away at the end knowing he needed to keep his sock drawer straight. Hey, that's beneficial.

I started to read articles on this forum from this July, and I started seeing some things that weren't right in the HWMRs and in the church. I also didnt feel like I have a strong relationship with God, and I felt like I've not been a "real" Christian. I tried to have a relationship with God but the things that LSM and the recovery taught me over the years actually damaged the relationship or my willingness to have one at all. I've been happier with ideas outside of Christianity (especially those taught in the LCM) and I felt like I've been wasting time going to the meetings even when I didnt want to be there. I'm done with Christianity and more so the crap that I've received in the Lords Recovery since birth. Also, to be honest, I wish I could just leave the faith and the Lords Recovery sooner than possible because I found a different community with ideas that I feel happier with, and I can express myself more in that community than in Christianity and the LR and also because I dont want to be brainwashed again with Lee's, Nee's and the BB's teachings.
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