new poster

Hello. I've been lurking for awhile. Thanks for this forum.

I was in the lc's for many years. I've been out for awhile now. Meet with a really good church, the opposite of the lc's. Lots of grace and healing.

One thing I still deal with though is flashbacks. Does anyone else here have them? I mean that I often have negative memories come back for no reason. I often think about what I should have said or done (especially because of abusive elders). I rehearse what happened as if it could be different. I remember so many meetings filled with condemnation. Elders shouting at the saints for little things (being late, not setting up the chairs right, not inviting people to meetings, not being one with the ministry). When I'm alone I even have conversations with the "leading brothers" even though they're not there. I know it sounds crazy. It's like I wish I could go back and stand up to their bullying, but it's too late. For some reason I can't let it go. Sometimes for no reason it's like a tape recorder in my brain goes off, and I'm reliving it

Does anyone else have the problem? If so, how do you deal with it? I'd really like to leave all this behind me, but I still look back all the time.

Thank you.