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Originally Posted by Peter Debelak
These are the things they're neck deep in. And sometimes the best "practical" advice is the one that goes against their "indoctrination." That's kind of what I'm getting at. They REALLY DO INDOCTRINATE THEMSELVES AMOUNGST THEMSLEVES. So they have built-in guilt about these things. Honestly, I have no idea what I would have told your son. I don't know whether I would have done what you did - assuage his inner torment about a catch-22, or just left is up in the air for him to consider on his own and decide. There really is something to a parent (authority figure) giving a child license in an area where his/her culture has taught him there is no leeway.
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I'm beginning to see where you are going with this and agree i.e. the HS kids create their own isolated "Christian" culture among themselves (with help from adults) - sort of a miniature of the adult version. It seems this begs the question: what, if anything, should those involved in HS ministry "teach/advise/counsel" the kids and by what mode? Maybe nothing and just have music and activities?
I would think those adults involved would have to be on the same page as their church's "party line" so to speak. As I mentioned with my own son I directly countered the party line. However if I was involved in HS ministry what would I tell other parent's sons with the same question? I would expect some backlash if I told them what I told my own son but if I told them otherwise I would be dishonest about how I actually felt about it.
So maybe these kind of issues are best left to the parents and HS ministry
without advise/counseling/teaching would consist of...? Or
with advise/counseling/teaching would consist of...? I'm not sure myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peter Debelak
I remember once in my junior year of high-school, a classmate called me and invited me to a party. It was a party I knew there would be drinking at. I didn't hang out much with secular high school friends at the time. I told him I could NOT could come. I got off the phone and went back to my dinner with family. When I told my parents who it was and what they wanted, the said "Why don't you go to the party?" This was SOOOOOOOO against my "CONCEPT" of what they wanted me to do. Not because they said so, but because of what impressionable kids internalize. Just surmizing (and I'll likely ask them this soon), perhaps they were looking at a self-righteous kid who needed to just be "friends" with the kids in his class. Given who I was at the time, they probably didn't fear me drinking and driving, so perhaps there was an element of , "This kid needs to loosen up and relate to his fellows..."
That interaction was liberating. Not because it allowed me to go to parties. But because is challenged the "shoulds" that I thought were inherent in the Christian faith.
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I like what your parents did here. I don't think "Christian" kids should be isolated from the general culture because such isolation is artificial. Eventually they will be immersed in the culture anyway and have to know how to handle themselves.
And your parents knew you well enough to know you wouldn't drink and drive. With my own kids I said they shouldn't drink underage but if they did they shouldn't drive - call us anytime night or day to pick you up! I also advised them: if you do drink do it in moderation so it doesn't become a chronic habit leading to alcoholism. Again I'm not sure if I was in HS ministry that is what the party line would be. Probably not.