Quote:
Originally Posted by Intothewind
Life has been interesting, if not more lonely so far. It is nice to not have to tow the LC along...I always didn't feel like the real me when I had to talk about it(actually even individuality is very warped in the LC). I remember speaking about the gospel and comparing it to the spontaneous sharing with peers about a restaurant one enjoyed. I realized for myself I couldn't genuinely tell people that-and I have had to also convince myself that this is not my fault-still doubting and difficult for me. Life certainly would be easier(but more enjoyable?) if I could just go along with everything!
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I wanted to also address what you said in the other thread. I can understand completely, there was frequently this underlying feeling I had of putting on and act or feeling "fake" inside. It wasn't in related to my faith or experiences of the Lord, rather, it was being pushed to do things that I had no business doing.
There have been many meetings where I was pushed to "prophecy" on something that I either didn't enjoy or understand. I learned to just make stuff up on the spot to share in the meetings. What made me feel so bad about it all was all the "amens" I would get, even though I knew very well I was just rambling nonsense. Sadly to say, I don't think these experiences are uncommon.
On the subject of feeling lonely and individuality, it's hard to know what to think honestly. I can say that because of my experiences growing up in the LC, it is hard to have the same kind of meaningful relationships as others do. People just have no idea of what kind of system the LC is. For example, I mentioned before, because of all the rules in the LC, I have never dated and I am still single. At my age if I were to go tell friends that, they would probably be quite taken aback, so I have to keep that to myself. What's worse is if I tell people that my church didn't allow dating, that also gives them a negative impression of Christians in general. There are other issues as well. I remember growing up and not celebrating holidays, how I would be ridiculed by friends and school and everybody else I knew. It is was not an easy life growing up, and I'm sure many of the side effects of this are still there. When I see the way some people have been effected by the LC, I would never pass judgement on someone who turns to a "lone wolf" lifestyle, or has trouble following the Lord after leaving. In my case, I have tried to come to terms with what I am up against as I move forward in life, and also at the same time I know the the Lord is with me, and He knows whats best for my life.
I was conditioned to feel like I was "different", so as such, my relationships gravitied towards those I knew in the LC. As I distanced myself from LC meetings, those relationships disappeared. In a certain sense, I feel that the LC is a type of social group that meets social needs of members. With many of the YP or college students, this is especially true. If they didn't have close friends in the LC, they would likely not be very much involved. By the way, the irony behind this all is that as saints get older, buddy-buddy relationships are strongly discouraged. WL calls natural relationships "honey" and says their should be no natural affection in the church life. I have heard the BB's speak to this effect multiple times. When I see that the older saints don't do as much together like the YP, I don't feel so bad about losing some of the relationships that I have lost.