Quote:
Originally Posted by Koinonia
You and I are probably around the same age, and I know what you mean. Maybe it appears "old-fashioned" to me in some sort of religious context. Or perhaps you are right, and the practice is Chinese? My wife and I are both Asian, but born and raised in the US, so I relate to these things less as "Chinese" practices and more as byproducts of the LC experience.
I do think the practice of "secret" courtship leads to a lot of disfunction and irrational trepidation about entering into relationships (and also a more artificial dating experience). The logic I have heard is about "covering"--that you don't want to create an atmosphere for gossip by pursuing a relationship out in the open. So, you create this strange environment where hardly anybody knows about the status of your relationship until you announce engagement.
If I may ask, leastofthese, was your wife a member of the LC?
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Oh! This “covering” issue is so bizarre and outdated. It’s awful really. I have a family member who did this before they were married. They had talked marriage and were very serious, of course “fellowshipping” with another couple and obeying all the rules. Which, good for then if that made them feel great. To each their own...it’s just obviously not their “own” but the LC way- but that’s besides the point!
That was their choice.
The funny thing was, it DOES create even more gossip bc people know- they pick up on things, and questions and rumors get started. Hopefully the secret didn’t lead any other bro/sis’s on with secret hopes- but we’ll never know! I remember this family member telling me people were asking about her and her spouse before they were married and she denied it- saying they were just friends. Um, besides the fact that you could tell she thought it was funny that she had that “secret” that people wanted to know- isn’t that flat out LYING?? But, somehow it’s justified bc it’s “covered” information and that person didn’t have the right to ask so they deserve to be given a lie.
By the way, we’re talking about a group of Christians!!
It’s just another example of bad practices playing out!
Kind of funny story on the same topic, our family knew of their “arrangement” before they were engaged but not many other people. I accidentally posted a picture on Facebook of our family at lunch with my
future bro-in- law in it. All I can saw is-WOW!!!
It wasn’t 10 min and I got a call to take it down immediately!! It’s so silly. I took it down- the whole games they play are ridiculous though!