[Trapped]

Originally Posted by Drake

-1

Thanks Trapped for sharing your sincere and heartfelt experience. My kids, and all the ones of the parents I know, had friends outside the church life. Of course, there were some bad influences from those friends that resulted in permanent damage, yet I don’t blame the friends but rather the ruler of the age. I figured I’d rather deal with the influence while they were still with me rather than have them deal with it after they left on their own. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t. In the end I decided a parent must make decisions in the best interest of their munchkins but how they fare later as an adult is mostly in their own hands.

Friendship in the church life will happen spontaneously. It’s not a negative thing unless or until it interferes with the relationship between members in the Body of Christ which is fellowship. Fellowship means each member gives and receives the same care toward one another. When friendships have a higher priority in the church life than fellowship then there will be problems. In the Body, Christ is every member so there is no higher relationship between members than fellowship.

Thx again,
Drake

Hi Drake,

Thanks for your response to me about your experience in this area. I have a feeling to respond to you, not about your content but about the delivery. I am hesitant to do so, however, because I don't know you as a person and I don't know the best approach to convey this (as each of us receives communication differently). Please know that I do mean this respectfully and I'm sure there are shortcomings in what I've written below so I apologize for any and all of those.

Based on your language and the words you used, I do not believe that you have any intention of being dismissive. I do believe that you are simply describing your experience, which is valuable since it, bafflingly, so often stands in stark contrast to what many others have experienced.

However, I have noticed oftentimes posters respond with frustration to you, and I will be honest that I understand why they do.

I'll use a serious situation to try to explain. Please note that this is just for example only. What I describe below did not happen to me; it is just for illustration purposes.

Trapped: I was sexually abused in the church by a serving one for many years and as a result have trouble trusting anyone and am very isolated and fearful of anyone getting to close to me. I tried to get help from the elders but they dismissed my fears and told me to take the cross, which I did and suffered needlessly for many more years as a result before things got so bad I sought help elsewhere, even though for years I had heard all our problems can be solved in the church.

Drake: Thanks for sharing, Trapped. I was never abused and never experienced any of that or saw evidence of it. None of my serving ones were inappropriate with me. I grew up happily and do not have trouble trusting anyone and am not afraid of being close to people. There is no problem seeking professional help outside the church for serious matters such as this.

What both of us said in that illustration is true. Your experience in the illustration is true. The reason that type of response gets a rise out of people, however, I think is because of a few factors:

1. Your telling me you never experienced what I experienced lends itself to casting doubt on my experience, although I can tell that that is not your intention.
2. Your telling me that you never experienced what I experienced does not help at all. It is like throwing a boulder at an injured person's chest which then drops to the floor with a thud - what is an injured person supposed to do with that?
3. It makes someone who went through a difficult time feel even worse that not everyone went through that suffering and that they are the "lucky" one who are left to struggle.
4. Telling me something that is in opposition to everything I grew up with does nothing to help me after the fact. I was told (in the illustration) to take the cross and that all our problems can be solved in the church. Your telling me, long after the negative situation occurred, that it is okay to do the opposite of everything I was made to believe is another boulder to the chest. I can see that someone coming from your experience may think that telling me this would help me and “free me up” from the chains that bind, but the reality is there is actually no help rendered from that kind of statement.

Another example, is as follows:

Trapped: My son fought in the armed forces and died in combat. I have lived in the depths of despair since then and struggle to make it through each day.

Drake: My son never died in combat and came home safe and sound.

Both are true, but that type of response really ends up being a punch to the gut more than anything. If someone states they suffered, and someone else respond that they didn’t suffer, what is the suffering person supposed to do with that information? To someone who has endured a loss, at best it does not help and at worst it makes it worse.

Essentially, hearing that someone else didn't have a bad experience has no positive personal impact to the person who had a bad experience, besides being glad that there are some who go through the LC's unscathed.

I'm not sure how much anything I said is helpful, I'm just trying to bridge the disconnect that seems to occur when some posters feel you are being dismissive while you respond that you are simply posting your experience. I do see both sides, and am certainly not trying to squelch your right to post; I am just attempting to help if I can.

Thanks,

Trapped