Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered
Hello,
I've decided to leave the recovery and not look back. I am a young adult, and I am curious if anyone has any experience telling their parents and or family about their decisions. I'm worried that I will lose them as the recovery conditions its members to look down on outsiders and those who have left. I also worry that if I go into details it will turn into an argument rather than a good faith conversation as these people hold the recovery so near and dear to their hearts. Would love to hear what people have to say on how to tell your family / parents about leaving.
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Hi unregistered young adult,
I wish there was some kind of step-by-step formula to follow to make navigating the parental/family minefield, but from the experiences I've heard each one seems to be fairly unique. It's a mix of 1) your existing relationship with them, 2) how deeply or loosely they hold "the church" part of "Christ and the church" above family, 3) your specific reasons for leaving, 4) whether you already have your own life fully separate from them and they can't see in real-time that you've faded away from the LC, or if you are more under their observation and will notice right away, 5) and sometimes whether or not you remain a Christian or are also setting aside the Christian faith. All those and more go into the mix and produce a situation-specific result.
My response is assuming you are retaining belief in God and have a decent relationship with your parents.
Whatever your details for leaving are will affect responses. Things like "I just came to a point where I was miserable" seem a little harder to refute because...well....you're just miserable. They can try to blame you for not "living Christ" or something like that, but the bottom line is you are miserable, and are just at the point where you have to do something to no longer be miserable. Things like, "I think the whole concept of one church, one city is wrong and divisive and unbiblical and prevents us from being one with the rest of the body of Christ" will most likely produce an argument, as you say. Things like, "I was totally shocked to observe Ron Kangas's hellfire threats in response to Jo Casteel's facebook post and realized somewhere along the way the love of God has gotten packed away in a dusty corner and it's scary that we can't even have basic disagreements or concerns in this place" may actually produce productive conversations......who knows. There are so many potential paths based on your specifics for leaving.
I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like. Maybe they are the reason you are leaving, who knows? But I am assuming you have at least a semi-good relationship, given that you are concerned about this. I think the main thing to emphasize is that your leaving the LC, from your side, does not affect your love, your gratitude, your relationship, and your desire to be there for your parents. If you build that bridge to them from your side, that's all you can do. If they knock that bridge down, if they refuse to build the other half of the bridge from their side so it connects with yours in the middle, then that is a sin on their part and they are responsible for that before God. You can still honor them in how you treat them and talk to them about leaving, and "as much as is possible, be at peace with all men". If you are respectful and caring on your side, then you've done all you can do.
I know for some people there is a worry of, essentially, breaking your parents' heart. Their heart may be so tied up in "the recovery" that you don't want to "hurt" them by letting them know of your decision. They might not cut you off or become contentious or get angry, but just may be devastated and sad. If you are still a Christian, then drive that home. Let them know that you still have a relationship with God and with the Lord Jesus, and that is the most important thing. If you are no longer a Christian, drive home your love and respect for them. Keep laying the family foundation. The best thing for any LC member or parent is to see someone who has left continuing to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit in their life. It knocks the pegs out of the wrong belief that former members should be looked down upon.
I wish you all the best. The fact that leaving the LC produces these kind of hand-wringing situations is another good reason to leave the LC.......
Please update us if you'd like.
Trapped