Quote:
Originally Posted by Curious
I do think I understand, enough to respect your position. I have been through a similar journey myself, in a different context. StG has had another set of life experience that is valid for other situations. I have learned to respect that too, he may not be equipped to be someone who can be a lead in offering care to you right now. He may have strengths in other areas and I don't think it makes him a bad person.
I was once a mess in the middle of a Christian healing organisation. Some people could see me through my anger and pain. Some could not, even in an organisation designed to help the wounded!! Even some on leadership took my anger personally. It's good to lean towards those who can help, and be respectful but remain distant with those who are not able to help in yours or my particular need. And in releasing the ones who don't get us, we can see more clearly the ways they are trying to be supportive within their own paradigm. It actually helped me to heal when I did that.
I did find what I needed and the volcanoes that were going off in me did settle down over time. Trapped and I have both had help in the form of counselling and deliberately prioritising effort to sort things out. To recognise the depth of impact these toxic experiences have had on a person's life can be a huge and scary step in itself. Alot of loving support is necessary. My heart is to be a support and I not alone in that on this forum.
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Curious,
I think you make some valid and important points. One point that ExChurchKid has tried to make is that she is not asking for "help". She has alluded to what I call "LC-speak" as something incendiary. StG is fluent in LC-speak. This is not an indictment on you, StG. I'm just asking you to pay attention to how others are reacting. If you really want to communicate, speak
plain English.
Trapped has identified the phrase "I don't have the peace...". More LC-speak. There is a whole vocabulary of LC-speak that I react to as well. It's on my radar, but I try to keep it to myself. Some folks, Church Kids for example,
can't. That might be a good 'nother topic: "LC-speak".
Your point, Curious, because of our life experiences, we may not be able to provide the support someone may need. No shame in this...it happens all the time. StG, because of your LC-speak, your efforts to respond to ExCK
anyway have been somewhat "volcanic". You're not going to "fix" her. She will not soon be able to tolerate LC-speak. If you continue, you only make it worse.
So what to do? It's simple:
ExChurchKid, don't respond to StG. Don't even read him.
StG, don't respond to ExChurchKid. Don't read her. Go easy on the LC-speak.
We need to speak the same language...
plain English.
Nell