Unregistered

Hey IseeCrazyPeople! Love the username! Let me just start by saying I’ve felt every part of what you wrote, and it really sucks to feel like you’ve been let down by people you love. And it’s even worse to have a fear of coming to God bc you don’t want to be labeled a freak over it. It also sucks to look back and wonder if you ever were actually saved in that deep legalism. That mess can very much harden our hearts. I’m really sorry that was your experience but I’m glad you’re here to share it. Oddly enough I came searching to see if anyone else felt like I did too about the way the LC handles kids.
I’m also a 34 year old female who grew up in LC as well. I have 3 siblings, and I’m the youngest. My parents joined the church in Boston a solid 12 years or so before I came on the scene. They still keep a lot of secrets about how this church originated, the history, and the “issues”. They always said something very vague whenever we (the kids) had questions.
When they started in Boston they had a wonderful experience and the church really appealed to their emotions. They had huge life changes as a result of salvation, and yeah, they went off the deep end a bit compared to the world. They didn’t want to look like the world. They trashed their tv, records, books, worldy clothes, makeup, addictions, old photos....pretty much “put off the old man”. This was before I was born while they were in Boston.
They made a slew of friends who were also young couples and formed solid relationships with these saints. Their experience was EVERYTHING to them. They were radical. All the young couples were popping out lots of kids. This was a very exciting time in their lives. Lots of emotional ties. Appealing to emotions only is a great sign of a cult.
Then WL let them down big time. The church was rocked over something. It’s never talked about with the “young people”. My parents and a bunch of others erected an LC in the south. Somewhere in that time period I was born. Mind you my siblings are a lot older than me. By the time I was a young teen, the “young people” were all at least 12 years older than me.
My parents had a tv again, but they were pretty strict. It didn’t help that all 3 of my older siblings had been off the chain, completely rebellious, dropping out of school...basically a parents worst nightmare.
Their severity had the same effect on me. It was annoying to me that they always talked about God. It was annoying to me that I had to sit in 4 hour long meetings on Sunday with no other peers listening to people talk about spiritual things I had no interest in. There was zero appeal. I was always told no, without explanation. And i hate to say this, but my parents were so into it they weren’t thinking about how to engage or teach me, they were too busy feeding themselves. Never the less, there I sat every Sunday with my bad attitude. I was pissed off and I hated church. I was actually quite evil as a result of sitting in there with those feelings. One time they were saying “oh Lord Jesus!” After a song and I laughed hysterically out loud. I was very disrespectful. I would smoke weed before going. I just did NOT care. I eventually stopped going once I got to be about 16 and got a job. I was happy to work Sundays.
As a young adult I had short lengths of time that I would go. I struggled with alcohol and marijuana, and had long experimental phases with other drugs. I would fornicate, and many other obvious sins. When I went to their church as an adult, the saints were so good to me. I reflected on my evil heart towards them in the past and it would make me cry sitting in there. And because I felt emotions of a change of heart towards them I thought I was saved. I got baptized when I was 21 at their church. I went into the water a dry sinner and came out a wet sinner. Nothing really changed. I drank and smoked weed the same day.
For many years I had short bursts of feeling spiritual, but those feelings changed. For a 3 year period I stopped using alcohol and drugs, stopped having sex, and went to their church. It was edifying. I enjoyed it, but I was very self righteous. I thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. I was very much into myself and bettering my life. For myself. Not God. It wasn’t about Him and it never was when I was at that church.
I met my husband, moved in with him a year later (unmarried) and started drinking again and stopped going to church. I thought this was fine. Fast forward a few years and my marriage was falling apart. My husband and I reconciled but I realized that we needed God. Without God we would not make it. We still drank as often as we could.
My husband was like, “I’m not going to your parents church. It’s weird and too long. We need to go somewhere else.” I did not want to go somewhere else because the LC always ragged on other churches, but I agreed. I continued in a double life and then we stopped going to church. I knew the marriage was in danger.
For the life of me I could not figure out what was wrong. Then one day I was listening to a Baptist sermon and heard a solid message, a top to bottom thorough message on salvation. That it was not enough to have a shallow believe God existed. But we had to repent. And repentance meant more than a feeling. It meant to surrender our sin to the Lord. It meant to submit ourselves to the will of God and stop holding on to our sin. I have many sins, but the one the Lord was asking me for in that moment was alcohol. It was in that moment that I realized something that LC had never taught me: I could not have both.
I gave my life to Christ that day. Genuinely. The next day I heard another sermon. Same pastor. He was *gasp* referencing actual scripture and he said that any believer, but especially a new one, would benefit greatly from reading the word with a notebook to jot down verses you like and any questions. I’ll be honest, I had never read my Bible. But that day began something wonderful for me.
I decided to commit myself to read it every morning for 30 mins. And I had to commit bc if I didn’t I knew I wouldn’t do it. Some days I’d read 30 mins and some days I’d read 3 hours. But I read every day and I began to fall in love with God. I found an awesome ORTHODOX Baptist Church by the grace of God shortly after. Awanas, Youth Programs, Discipleship classes, and best of all: teaching straight from the Scripture and nothing else. No Nee, Lee, or Me lol Fast forward and I’ve read the entire Bible and many parts several times. I love it. And it ain’t a recovery Bible. I honestly didn’t even know that was a thing till I saw in the forum, bc when I went to LC I didn’t even think reading the Bible was necessary. That’s how lukewarm their gospel sharing is. You just need a shallow belief, and repeat after me. 1,2,3 you’re saved. This is called “easy believism” and it’s why a lot of people are in your position. It’s definitely why I was.
Let me tell you something that is probably the most important thing I learned reading the Bible: the Bible (old AND new testaments) are the true inspired word of God and the entire basis of the Christian faith. The word of God endures forever. It never changes. Any teaching that dismisses the Old Testament is illegitimate. Any Bible that removes the Old Testament and adds thousands of their own notes to create their own version is something I have zero desire to read. If you base your faith on the word of God, you’re not doing it wrong. That’s what it’s here for. If you don’t believe it all, then don’t believe it at all.
The Bible teaches us what the Lord expects out of us. The Bible says not to lean on our own understanding. Well, that’s what LC does. At least where I was. It was all about a feeling, all the time! Well, what happens when you have a bad day? The Bible and studying Apologetics (bc I want to get it right for once in my life) have done so much to build my faith. I don’t want mysticism or a god of my imagination. I want the God of scripture!
I love the saints at LC and as much as they did right, there was so much about the LC that’s wrong. You’re not born again if you ain’t repenting and your life isn’t changing. It is shameful to toss out over half of God’s word. And for who? Witness Lee and watchman Nee? They are not God and their mysticism never led me to recovery in my alcohol addiction. Ironically, all of the “young people” who are actually in their 40s either have stagnant beliefs or have denounced their faith altogether with the exception of a handful from the LC in my town. Many of them are drinking, using drugs, and other destructive habits.
Granted, their parents, these saints, now the elders, are all wonderful people. They love me and treat me sweetly. I feel close and connected with them. The love of and the love for God is in them, and they are saved. I never had an experience of moleatstion or abuse of any kind, nothing compared to what some cults put kids through. I don’t even feel right using the word cult, however the origins are how it seems. My heart grieves for the “young” middle aged people who reject the Lord due to this upbringing or have a lukewarm heart towards God over it. Despite how people incorrectly handle God’s word, God’s word is still true.
If you do come to a point where you reconcile with Him, I’d encourage you to find a sound Bible based church, the disciples you to help you and your family grow, and that you earnestly seek God in His word. It’s made all the difference for me. If you have any questions let me know. God bless you 🌺