Unregistered

I can guarantee that there are MANY church kids out there who can identify with your experiences. I was born into the “church life” also but, by contrast, my parents were relatively lax for church parents. No we weren’t allowed to swear, drink, or do drugs, but we were allowed to have sleepovers, go to movies, and attend high school dances. Yet the culture of the church stole much of the joy from my childhood because I always experienced a subconscious guilt for participating in these “worldly” activities. As an adult, I felt extreme guilt about the thought of leaving the church (I didn’t want to be backslidden into the world or “degraded Christianity,” after all) but realized I didn’t want to live a loveless, joyless life anymore and finally stopped attending. It has been a LONG road of emotional unpacking, and I have found an awesome Christian therapist who has helped untangle some of the distorted thoughts I developed while growing up in the church. She immediately identified spiritually abusive messages I have picked up throughout my life, and I am working to reverse those unhealthy thoughts. So, even though my upbringing wasn’t exactly the same as yours, there are a lot of us out here who have had similar negative effects from growing up in the LC.

Your comment about feeling guilty struck me; Your feelings are absolutely valid, and you should allow yourself to feel them deeply. Growing up in the church we were told that if we doubted, our faith wasn’t strong enough; if we were sad, clearly we weren’t overcoming and taking Christ as our joy; if we were anxious, we weren’t trusting and resting in God. Basically we were programmed to feel guilty for experiencing any emotions because we should “turn to our spirit” instead. Feel what you feel; it’s the only way to process some of the damaging things from your childhood.