[ISeeCrazyPeople]

Trapped,
You don’t seem very “trapped,” haha.. you seem very liberated. And I don’t mind the way you are sharing verses. It doesn’t come across as preachy, it is really just informative, so I appreciate that.
You mention the church taking things that are not sinful and making them sins.. I totally agree with that. I think what made this tricky for me though, is that the rules were not super clear. Even within the church, I remember there was some division as I got older, and some people were told they were bringing people to God incorrectly. They said something like “corrupted soil will produce corrupted fruit.” This was in regards to bringing people to God by enticing them with certain types of music (ex: modern Christian music with electric guitars).
Another thing that really got to me, was the lack of praise or encouragement I received. I remember the church teaching that caring too much about the world, which includes your job, your kids, your car, etc. is sinful. They implied that loving your kids too much or a certain way would be idolatry. I really think my parents may have taken this to heart unfortunately.
But yeah, thank you for sharing about your experience in high school. It sounds like your friends were a healthy group of kids hanging out..nothing wrong with that, and there should not have been reason for worry. But I can see how growing up in the church would make something like that seems “wrong.” I think though, my experience may have been a bit different, as you said the LC made you think of your classmates as threats to be avoided. For me, I don’t think I really felt that way, but I lost friends for different but similar reasons. I saw these other kids, and I thought “wow, they are really allowed to do SO much more than me.” I always knew I was missing out. I didn’t even want the same level of freedom as them.. maybe even half the amount. I felt almost like Carrie (if you ever saw that movie).. like I was some weird religious person, who didn’t want to be that way. I just felt like I was not going to be accepted, so just got myself to worked up and nervous to make many friends. My incredibly low self esteem was a reason why I lost many friends going from middle school to high school. The LC is obviously damaging to different people in different ways.
I have read many different online sites that mention LSM being a possible cult. I admit, much of that is over my head. Though my husband has tried to briefly browse some of the old Witness Lee/LSM books laying around my parents house still, and he says they hardly make sense.. they are verbose and nonsensical to him.

So anyway, I don’t have much spare time to analyze the verses you sent yet, but even though I said I would classify myself as Agnostic, I am definitely still a seeker of truth. I have tried to pray to God over the years, to make himself obvious to me, if he is truly there. It may just be my personality, or maybe damage from my years in the LC, but I sometimes think I need God to be incredibly obvious to me to make me know he is there. Like an anvil falling on my head or something. When I try to talk to him, I kind of hear crickets chirping.

Sorry if that sounds weird.
Another thing that bugs me regularly, is the thought that there are so many people out there born into other religions. People I now know (especially after working in healthcare, I have met so many people from Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, even atheist backgrounds), who are amazing citizens. How can I say, the Christian way is right, and you are all wrong, and you are doomed? It’s so so hard to do that, especially after life in the LC, where I was essentially told that there is only ONE way to think! I feel more comfortable at this time being open minded to everyone’s belief systems. But it is scary not to have one of my own.
I am not against reading Christian books, seeking more through conversation with others, pretty much anything that will help me to understand. I’m pretty happy that you gave me some options.
I definitely like your suggestions to read books about spiritual abuse and the youtube videos you sent. I intend to get around to that, and really truly appreciate your thoughtfulness.
It honestly really makes me happy that you care enough to write down all of this information for me and other people. Helping others must be a passion for you, otherwise, you would not. Have a great evening 😊