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Originally Posted by jigsaw44
4. This last point is kind of ridiculous in my opinion and it has to do with the relations of men and women in the local churches. It is very easy to tell brothers and sisters are separated as much as possible unless married. It really got to me when I brought my girlfriend (still having a celibate boundary), over to a lords day meeting and the amount of just piercing glares was just like woah- what is going on. Then I am later told about how dating is not moral and is only meant with intent on marriage and they read me verses on this subject,and It was obvious my girlfriend was a problem to them. But to be frank I am an adult in my twenties and I dont understand a darn bit how the woman I am with is anybody concern and how do they think they are in a position to dictate me, on how and who to date. But the situation with me is minuscule compared to some other brothers.
4.5- This is a continuation of point number 4 but focusing on other brothers. To get straight to it- the separation of male and female seems justifiable at a youth age but gets kind of out of hand for adults. I understand you want children to not be reckless and to focus on Christ and establishing their life before pursuing woman but it gets out of hand at a certain age with the restrictions of separation.
I know brothers in their late twenties and even early to mid thirties who for sadly obvious reasons they are not in good standing with pursuing a relationship. They barely have any opportunities to talk to the sisters and they frankly dont know how to since they have never done it for their entire lives (the ones who grew up LC). Lastly, there are probably no sisters interested in them in, in that locality.
But instead of going out there in the world and being a man and finding their own woman, they just sit there while they fellowship with the brothers and praying for their troubles (repeatedly). But the fact is- the reasons they cant find a woman to settle with (socially, physically, financially, etc), still applies to the local church woman just as much to woman outside the local churches. Everyone looks for standards in a relationship and if you have a lot of perceived flaws/judgement then it takes that much more work to find a woman who accepts you and embraces. So sitting your butt down while in your thirties and hoping for some sort of miracle is not productive.
I wish I could tell them to get their butts out there and find their woman. I believe there is somebody for everyone but some people just never find that person cause they dont do what is required to do so. But I dont want to be seen as blunt and harsh. The thing is that if these brothers I talked about were 18 or 19 years of age just starting to explore the world and seeing the work required to live in it than it wouldn't be a problem and time will develop them. But some these are men in their mid thirties sitting their hopelessly and sad, not realizing they might need to expand their world outside the local churches to get what they want.
Having a woman/spouse is one of the most essential things for a man to have and to make it so hard for grown men to even have a basic interaction with woman (talking, standard dating),to me makes no sense. Especially when some men are by default of certain qualities, going to have a harder time dating/finding a woman. Im not even going to get into the arranged marriage/elders permission nonsense (as seen in other post), as my post is long enough.
- This concludes my introduction post, feel free to give your knowledge, thoughts, opinions, and concerns on my post. It was nice introducing myself and I hope to gain more insight. also sorry for the typos/errors, this was a long post.
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I was raised in the local churches since the age of 3. By the time you leave grade school for middle school, it is no longer acceptable for boys and girls to be sociable.
As you get to be high school and college age it was common to hear the phrase from a brother's perspective, "you don't get into a relationship until you're ready to get married." How do you know when that time is? If you even dare to speak to a single sister, protocol has been broken. Your character within the church becomes questionable.
It wasn't until the 1990's it became more common to find one's spouse outside the local church fellowship. It wasn't until facebook did I realize other former church kids, single sisters had the same attitude towards single brothers that single brothers had towards single sisters. There's a facade in the churchlife pretending to be spiritual and on fire for the ministry even if you're not. Brothers want to marry a normal sister and sisters want to marry a normal brother. Someone you can grow and laugh with. As it was there was such a distance for brothers and sisters to know each other as persons, they became socially dysfunctional towards the other gender.
You said,
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I know brothers in their late twenties and even early to mid thirties who for sadly obvious reasons they are not in good standing with pursuing a relationship. They barely have any opportunities to talk to the sisters and they frankly dont know how to since they have never done it for their entire lives (the ones who grew up LC). Lastly, there are probably no sisters interested in them in, in that locality.
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I was one of those brothers. How I came to be married and a father of three had nothing to do with the local churches.